To murder DH and my in laws in pregnancy induced rage?

[MrsHughGrant]

I've got hyperemesis gravidium. I've had it for 7 weeks and I'm in hell. Been signed off work, I vomit from when I wake up until I go to sleep. I've been in and out of hospital. I'm on medication now but I'm still sick constantly and I'm so tired and I just have no energy.

DHs extended family all came over for 5 nights over Christmas, it was pre-arranged, Christmas and I battled through. I didn't stay in bed and mope I showered and put makeup on and tried to be a good host despite how awful I felt. Played with the kids, cooked for the adults etc. They left 2 days ago and I was so exhausted from the time they were here I slept for 14 hours, woke up just to eat (and spew) and then passed out again. Today I am still completely exhausted, the house is a shit hole, I've thrown up five times and I just feel like crap so I said to DH I'm not going to make it to your mums later feeling like this, but go without me obviously and have fun.

The fucker turns around and says "they're coming here remember?" I thought he was joking but nope, got 5 adults and 5 children all coming back at 3 for the next 2 nights. He has not told me this. I know exactly why he hasn't told me this as I'd say no and now I don't know what to do. He's said can't I just do what I did the other day and power through and get the house sorted. I'm just lying in bed crying now I feel so peopled out I just can't do it. I just want to sleep. I just can't think of another option other than murder.

If you do get a craving for something you can eat, get it delivered and pay for it from the joint account. When you have HG, your DH’s main job is fetching the rare food you think you might keep down. When that happened I ended up with a couple of hours of feeling like a human again.

If he'd come home would he have gone on to MIL's later anyway, or were you hoping that he'd decide to spend NYE with you?

Thank fuck for nice SIL

LTB.

I joke (mostly). Your DH might have thought this is normal in the beginning especially with his family calling it morning sickness. However, imo, you did too much, HG gets worse with stress and over exerting yourself. Perhaps your ILs don't understand because they've not seen it - my parents and ILs were the same and it wasn't until a family member vouched for me how shit HG is to my ILs that they got it. My own DM couldn't understand my hysterical phone calls where I'd cry from exhaustion not knowing what to do until I spent a couple of days there to give DH a break. Your DH probably now thinks you can soldier on if you try hard enough and I would wonder what he tells them about your HG. They are all taking the piss though as they should take your own word for it.

Relax in bed with a box set, your PJ's and keep hydrated. Your DH staying there probably does you a favour.

OP - take care of yourself. I can scarcely believe they did that to you after you'd coped with them all at Christmas. Thank goodness for nice SiL, the rest of the family sound like unaware, selfish, incompetents.
Hope you can have a good sleep and wake up to a better year. 💐

SiL should give DH's head a wobble.

Kudos to your nice SIL for sorting out her family when your DH couldn't.

Keep an eye on your hydration levels.

Well nice SIL has stepped up. And the rest of them should be ashamed!

But here's a lesson for you: there's no glory in martyrdom or soldiering on. If anything, you get more crap piled on you because people think you're coping.

WisdomOfCrowds has it spot on.
The way that women are treated during pregnancy (well, during any health issue but especially a female health issue) is disgusting. HG? Just power through. Excruciating period pains? Stop trying to use your lady parts to get special treatment. Just given birth or want pain relief during labour? Stop complaining, women have been doing it for centuries. "Your just pregnant, not ill", "stop complaining about women's issues, it just gives fuel to the misogynists", "women say they want equality but then expect special treatment for female health issues" and on and on and on the misogyny goes. But a man has a cold and he's in bed not lifting a finger for days. Weeks of recovery following a vasectomy. "Too tired" to help do anything in the evening after just going to a normal job in full health. It honestly makes me sick how badly women are treated in this world.

What a twat dh. Why didn't he at least phone to apologise & offer to come home to see you & why the hell can't he give Nye a miss for one year. Gawd help us next year you'll be on giving out that you have to host the lot of them & look after a tiny baby too! I didn't get if the DC were yours or relatives if they not yours why the hell you worried about upsetting them let their parents entertain them!

I don't understand why some people just don't seem to grasp that one can (depending on circumstances) "power through" once, but when the reserves have been used there simply isn't enough left to do it again.

... not having a go at those saying don't soldier on next time, btw; I think they're right. Sadly it got you less appreciated instead of more.

I can't get over the arseholes, er, I mean family members, bringing a dog round, either. I love dogs, I used to have far too many of 'em, but when slightly queasy with morning sickness I found their smell hard to take. What it must be like with the full HG experience doesn't bear thinking about. And the hair and muddy paw marks to deal with afterwards. Ugh!

teainthemorning I agree WisdomOfCrowds pp you reposted is spot on.

MrsHughGrant I hope, after ur SIL having words with her family, you get better support for the remainder of your pregnancy and also after birth too. Have a wonderful new year (the whole year not just the day).

Oh dear. It sounds like DH genuinely thought he was doing the right thing and trying to be nice (keeping you included by moving the party so you can didn't have to travel) and he underestimated how unwell you really are and how you would rather rest. Try and get some rest but don't be too mad at him - he just doesn't (and can't) understand. Ignorance isn't always selfishness, though it can make you just as angry!

Jesus wept I'd be booking into a hotel until after new year. What a selfish wanker!

I am so angry with him on your behalf. What an absolute knob.

Don’t you dare get up, and don’t do a single thing for anyone today.

Your DH is a thoughtless twat. You need to educate him when he gets home.

I only had morning sickness for about 6 weeks for each baby, and that was quite bad enough. I can only imagine how awful you must be feeling.

Hope you get some rest.

I am speechless and shocked at the sheer idiocy of your husband and his extended family.

Except for your nice SIL, who I suspect is on MN if there were no other clues to what the fuck your DH and his family signed you up for while you're suffering suffering! from HG. They obviously don't have a fucking clue or care to get one.

Wow. Just wow.

He should be home. Making sure you're hydrated and safe. You're carrying his fucking child!

I can’t stop imagining that your DH is actually Hugh Grant being a monumental tool.
Hope you’re getting plenty of rest.

Oh ok finally read to the end. Thank goodness there’s one sane person in the scenario.

I’m still aghast at their utter thoughtlessness.

From now on you need to stop coping so well and make it clear to your DH that he needs to look after you! I’d be pissed off with him too about leaving you at home, but I think you need to get better at just saying, no, I need you to look after me and no, it’s not ok for you to swan off to a family gathering right now.

@JohnnyKarate I bloody wish he was Hugh Grant right now (and most of the time) props for the parks and rec username by the way!

For all my ex’s faults, when I had hyperemesis he waited on me hand and foot and would never have done this. Kill them all! (Or puke on them all).

It is absolutely debilitating and I ended up having a massive nervous breakdown 15 weeks in that took 18 months to recover from. It’s like having norovirus for months on end and saps you mentally and physically. Women have aborted/committed suicide/developed eating disorders because of hg. Your OH needs to do his research as he obviously doesn’t understand the gravity of what is happening to you.

Hoorah for nice SIL, I hope she’s on here!
And for you, it sounds like hell. Your H needs to catch himself on, the asshole.

OP you have a serious DH issue - he doesnt listen to you, he undermines you, he spends money from the joint account you dont, you dont see your family its always his and he puts his family first