To murder DH and my in laws in pregnancy induced rage?

[MrsHughGrant]

I've got hyperemesis gravidium. I've had it for 7 weeks and I'm in hell. Been signed off work, I vomit from when I wake up until I go to sleep. I've been in and out of hospital. I'm on medication now but I'm still sick constantly and I'm so tired and I just have no energy.

DHs extended family all came over for 5 nights over Christmas, it was pre-arranged, Christmas and I battled through. I didn't stay in bed and mope I showered and put makeup on and tried to be a good host despite how awful I felt. Played with the kids, cooked for the adults etc. They left 2 days ago and I was so exhausted from the time they were here I slept for 14 hours, woke up just to eat (and spew) and then passed out again. Today I am still completely exhausted, the house is a shit hole, I've thrown up five times and I just feel like crap so I said to DH I'm not going to make it to your mums later feeling like this, but go without me obviously and have fun.

The fucker turns around and says "they're coming here remember?" I thought he was joking but nope, got 5 adults and 5 children all coming back at 3 for the next 2 nights. He has not told me this. I know exactly why he hasn't told me this as I'd say no and now I don't know what to do. He's said can't I just do what I did the other day and power through and get the house sorted. I'm just lying in bed crying now I feel so peopled out I just can't do it. I just want to sleep. I just can't think of another option other than murder.

What a nightmare. It's bad enough having constant sickness without having to do what you did at Christmas then they all expect it again.

Your dh needs to tidy up and look after you, x

Thank goodness for your nice SIL!
But I'd be raging at your DH for being such an epic twat in causing this situation to arise in the first place.
As for the rest of his family - dear God.

Rest, rest, rest - hope you have a half decent NYE and a better 2019 x

Don't be cross about him not coming home. If you genuinely do have everything you need, just enjoy the peace and quiet.

But get him to wait on you hand and foot tomorrow.

I had morning sickness badly for 2 weeks during pregnancy where I felt like I wanted to lie in the gutter and die. My mother, having never had it, thought I was just hamming it up until she saw some actual vomiting (TBH I felt like the feeling like I was going to vomit constantly was worse than the relief of vomiting). This to say: I cannot even begin to imagine how fucking horrendous HG is, but I do understand the frustration of people not taking your sickness seriously/not believing you. And your DH should be ashamed of himself that his sister had to help you, and that his family are clearly all saying to themselves “Classic mrshughgrant, it’s clearly not that bad” etc. Wankers

I'd have got him to come home and load me up with supplies of drink before he went. Does he have the DC?

"I've told him to go to MILs with the rest of them and he said ok. Now I'm angry he agreed rather than insisting on coming home."

Sorry OP but you really need to be more assertive. If you wanted him to come home to you instead of go to the party, you should have said so. It's classic martyr behaviour to tell him to do the thing you don't want to do and then be annoyed when he does it!

I am on your side but you have contributed to the situation by failing to be assertive about your needs and preferences. You clearly martyred yourself a bit over Christmas, by doing too much, not resting enough, not asking for help or telling DH to ask for help. So it's not surprising that you're so exhausted and fed up now.

Moral of the story - you can't reasonably expect others to prioritise your needs if you don't prioritise them yourself.

Well done to your lovely SIL. So glad she gave you the support you needed. I hope she rips DH a new arsehole. He has been an utter twat, and some members of his family no better.

I hope he is suitably contrite when he does eventually see you again, and doesn't try to gaslight you or justify his behaviour. We all suspect he knew exactly what he was doing - or am I the Pope?

I get why you are disappointed by him choosing to go to MIL's rather than come home to you. Perhaps you should have said that to him.

Mind you, if it were me I think I could be so angry with my DH for this that it would be better if we weren't in the same house for quite some time!! Maybe that is just me.

Hooray for your nice SIL,I'm so glad someone stuck up for you,your DH,MIL and the rest of them should be ashamed of themselves.

I had the same as you have OP with my first and my fifth pregnancy and both times I ended up being rushed into hospital and being put onto a drip because I'd become so dehydrated,not trying to scare you but I think your family need to be told just how bloody serious what your going through is!

I hope you manage to get some well deserved rest and the same as PP's have suggested please speak to your Dr because this isn't something women just have to put up with,after my second stay in hospital I was given some small blue pills(wish I could remember the name)and they stopped the sickness from the first tablet and made me sleep and please don't feel guilty if you do end up needing a little stay in hospital your not being ill by choice and you have been bloody Wonder Woman for your Husband and his family battling through the way you have.

Now it's time for you to rest and for you to be looked after,I hope you start feeling much better soon

Poor you, You have all my sympathy having had this myself so i know how you are feeling,
I cant get over how your DH expects you to ''power through like you did before''

Is he always so selfish.?

Take yourself off to bed as often as you need to and let him sort it all out,,,
What an utter twat.

I hope you're feeling calmer when you wake. I've had hyperemesis, it majorly increased depression. It was horrendous.

Midwives also said that hyperemesis is so bad that a large number of women have abortions of much wanted babies, develop ptsd and occasional suicides. It's not morning sickness, it's the most hideous horrible thing I have experienced, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, and I had a 'mild'case!

Your dh is selfish and you are a martyr so you sound like the perfect match in many ways. If you want this to change in your relationship you are going to have to stop accepting his prickish behaviour.

And no, he is not a 'saint' for looking after his sick, pregnant wife

Apologies OP ..i didnt read the whole thread before i posted.
Im glad Nsis in law has helped you,,,Lots of rest now for you and the baby,

How upsetting for you! Your "D"H is totally taking you for granted and not putting you first

These people are insane, your DH included. Why, after staying with someone who is obviously unwell for 5 days, would you ever think it was acceptable to descend on them again for another 3 days only 2 days later? Even if they thought it was "just" morning sickness, they must have realised it would be forcing you to remake beds, do all that cooking and washing up, etc etc.

Surely as soon as it became evident on their arrival that you were ill anyone with an ounce of sense would simply have gone away again? Why do they even want to be in each other's pockets to that extent? I'm glad that SIL sorted them out, but really it shouldn't have been necessary - they should have been capable of working it all out for themselves.

Glad nice SIL has made them leave, hope you get some rest.

YWBVU to murder the rest of them, though. After all, you’re not well. Stay in bed and a bunch of us MNers will come and do it for you.

OMG unbelievable behaviour from them. Utterly incomprehensible. You poor thing. Your DH should at least come back, grovel, ensure you have everything you need, grovel some more. Fuckwit.

They are all a bit crackers coming to yours.
But you can't be mad at Dh for going to MIL's when you told him to go. He's thoughtless, fair enough, but not a mind reader.
If you want him home text him and tell him.
If nice SIL is there she may well send him home with a flea in his ear.

This would honestly be the end of my marriage.

Oh come on. A pregnant woman with HG is hardly going to end her marriage over this, unless there are LOTS of other issues. If nothing else you'd have no energy to deal with a separation!

Do you have DCs already, or is this your first pregnancy? I can’t tell from your posts whether the DCs mentioned are yours or family children. Either way, I hope they’re not with you so you can sleep.

Seriously, book into a hotel fpr the next 2 nights. Relax in bed and watch movies and sleep. Im astounded at how self absorbed and inconsiderate your entire family are.

They’ve gone, good.

If you’ve got the energy to delegate could you ask nice SIL to arrange a cleaner? Use the joint account. DH should be doing it, and should be organizing a clear up. If you’re in London I could tell you the number of a cleaning company I use. I don’t think I can put their number on here as it would look like advertising

Didn’t even have it but felt like utter death in my first trimester really ill sick could only eat carrots and plain pasta. Just about managed work but bed as soon as I got home. That was bad enough not even hg. Wanted to murder those “pregnancy is not an illness” types maybe not got you matey but don’t speak for all of us

@MrsHughGrant - I have read this thread open-mouthed at the sheer selfishness and idiocy of your dh and his family. Thank heavens for Nice SIL sorting everything out - you can tell her that Mumsnet thinks she is an absolute legend!

I hope you are getting some rest now, and that you are able to keep down enough fluids to stay hydrated.