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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish my friends just lied?

276 replies

Outwards · 30/12/2018 19:37

About childbirth.

Honestly, as soon as I mention I'm TTC I'm instantly given the labour horror story of the year.

A close friend was so traumatised she swears never again. Another friend then tried to 'trump' her story. So many details.

Is labour always destined to be bloody awful, and why do you insist on scaring the shit out of your friends?! Please, for my sake, lie!

OP posts:
Ragwort · 31/12/2018 18:56

Personally I do find it incredible that women have more than one baby Grin, my experience probably wasn’t as bad as some on here but I immediately knew I would never, ever go through that again & 18 years later I am perfectly happy to have stuck with my decision to have no more children.

Adelebo · 31/12/2018 18:57

I hated everyones horror stories too!!! but honestly I had 4 completely different experiences ...why did I have 4 because the very second your baby is born you forget any discomfort and your beautiful baby will be in your arms looking into your eyes for the first time ..absolutely magical ...just breath through every contraction and think thats another step closer to my baby ...Enjoy your experience xx

a1poshpaws · 31/12/2018 18:59

Don't worry - the more uptight you are, the sorer it is. If you can relax and go "with" the contractions it's much easier. My only child took just 6 hours labour, and it honestly wasn't bad. Hope you have a quick and easy time too.

Deadbudgie · 31/12/2018 19:00

Silence not science

TrainsandDiggers · 31/12/2018 19:09

I think it’s because it’s such a momentous thing in a woman’s life and a weird mix of pride, horror and achievement that you don’t really get to speak about but I think your mind really wants to process and/or get recognition for.

Goldenphoenix · 31/12/2018 19:10

My two were both very straightforward so I was very lucky there. I was surprised by how much it hurt though, I found it agonising and I have a high pain threshold, wish people had been more honest about how much contractions can hurt. Did both labours on Gas and Air though and for my first was on the induction drip so can't have been all that bad as wasn't screaming for anymore drugs. It is totally worth it and your mind kind of takes you somewhere else, it is very primal and I found it empowering.

jessstan2 · 31/12/2018 19:13

People love telling horror stories, pay no attention. The vast majority of women, me included, sail through pregnancy and birth.

I don't understand why your friends are chiming in when you aren't even pregnant! I think it's quite odd to tell people you are trying to conceive. That should be private.

hdh747 · 31/12/2018 19:23

I would say having my two was hard work and pretty uncomfortable but not by any means the most painful thing that I have experienced.

I had been to NCT birth classes and found what they taught really useful. My sister had two kids and said it was the most horrendous thing ever. She asked me to be her birthing partner for the third and I taught her what I had been taught and encouraged her throughout the labour. She actually couldn't believe how easy it was in comparison to the other two. During the first part of her labour she got a bit panicky when the pains started but I kept trying to convey how to relax and distance herself from the pains and she suddenly 'got it' and we went from a situation where she was bending over groaning at each contraction to one where she suddenly grinned and said, 'didn't know I had that one did you?'
This is all a good few years back, our kids have grown up now, so I've no idea if the classes these days are any good, but I had wondered for a few years whether I had been luckier than my sister, or whether the classes had helped, but her last birth convinced me that they did help.

EugenesAxe · 31/12/2018 19:23

Most labours are fine. They hurt, yes, but I reckon new mums only bang on about them because they’ve not much other news in their lives. They’re also quite life-affirming events; it’s part of the processing to relive them, almost! You’ll understand when you give birth (not wanting to sound really condescending but failing massively).

Carrying and delivering a baby in any way, I’d say should leave you with a sense of pride and achievement. Don’t fear it!

TigerTooth · 31/12/2018 19:23

4 C-Sections here - but my best friend has 3 and with each one she near enough sneezed and they flew out - as soon as she gets a slight back ache she has to rush to the hospital and within 2 hours she's done and home shortly after.

SpinneyHill · 31/12/2018 19:24

My first labour began in the usual way....
A fart, a slight sweat and a tickle on the end of my nose, followed by the usual twinge in my lady parts, then a desire to blow gently with my eyes slightly closed and after about 30 minutes the dreaded delivery sneeze and a sensation of having a tampon pulled slowly out.

But seriously, it IS a big deal it's a shock to the system, it's painful hot exhausting which we all expected, just MORE.
No matter how well read up you are there are moments of terror ("shit, this is it, it's happening NOW"), disbelief ("What do you mean I'm not ready for drugs? this is more pain than I've ever felt, are you sure you checked properly?")
Also it's a bit bloodier and you're a lot louder then they warn you about in books.
Even a 'perfect' First birth is a shock

YOU WILL BE FINE

Bilbobagins1234 · 31/12/2018 19:26

I remember being in hospital on a maternity ward 1 week prior to giving birth with my 1st daughter, I had high blood pressure......the stories the women told me who had already given birth made my blood pressure worse!!! I had an epidural as a result of their scare mongering.....it wasn't so bad.....i had another 2 years later.....like so many women.......good luck with your baby......thier is much more to enjoy than not xxx

Oldwiseone · 31/12/2018 19:26

I did it 8 times. It’s so so worth it.

My last baby (3 years ago) her birth was beautiful. I went into the delivery suite totally in control. I wasn’t afraid. I knew my body knew what to do. And I trusted it fully. I stayed calm and relaxed. Every contraction I closed my eyes and told myself I was one step close to meeting my baby. I had no pain relief. I saw it as a positive experience and I loved every moment.

If you are scared your body will tense up and it will feel so much worse. We were designed to do this. And it will be fine. And what a prize at the end!!!!!

PeapodBurgundy · 31/12/2018 19:30

Please excuse my next sentence. but I think it gives relevant context. I had the time from hell with DS, and was diagnosed with PTSD. I still went in for round 2, and had DD in August. It was just me and her in the bath, nothing and nobody else, and it was amazing. Painful, but worth it. (For the record DP was supposed to be there, but was downstairs trying to inflate my birth pool. She came 40 mins after labour woke me so took us all by surprise).

Cotswoldmama · 31/12/2018 19:32

My first labour wasn’t amazing as it was premature (8.5 weeks early) and I was in labour for 5 days before I actually gave birth so I was exhausted. That said it was a natural birth and the pain was bearable. I was just too exhausted and out of it to really know what was going on. My second birth was perfect it was so amazing even the two stitches after we’re fine with some gas and air. I felt so amazing after and I look back on it with such fondness. I do t want any more children but I’d love to experience it again!

Sacredspace · 31/12/2018 19:36

With my last birth, and he was over 8lb, I only knew it was happening because my waters broke and I felt ‘pushy’. Absolutely no pain whatsoever. You might be lucky 🍀

jessebuni · 31/12/2018 19:39

I won’t lie but then my labour also wasn’t that bad. I mean it hurt obviously but my first baby was born in under 4 hours of labour with just gas and air at 8lbs2oz and my second baby was born at home on my own bed after 1 hour of labour with no pain relief and my mum beat the midwife there and delivered my daughter who was 8lbs10oz.

Labour hurts there’s no getting around that but it was much easier than I was expecting. Your body knows the drill and barring any complications it is easier to keep things as low stress as possible. I planned my second to be a home birth after my first labour went so smoothly as I live within minutes of a hospital if that was necessary. Fortunately it wasn’t needed as I had a lovely relaxed home birth that was beautiful. Even my mum said it was just so relaxed and beautiful she wishes she had tried it with at least one of her labours because hers were all straightforward though not quite as speedy as mine they were a more usual length.

Yes some people do draw the short straw and have horrid labours that put them off having more children. But there are far more women who have completely normal labours and are perfectly willing to do it again. Unless a doctor has any concerns about your baby and it’s position etc then there is no reason to worry about there being any complications or horror labours on the off chance that you may be an unlucky one. Better to be positive.

TowerRavenSeven · 31/12/2018 19:40

I told someone who didn't even have children that the next time she told me a horror story I was leaving the room (I was at work and training her). She was flabbergasted but in the same breath started another story! I left the room and didn't come back for 20 minutes. When I came back I told her start again and I'm out that door. She shut it after that!

RenoSusan · 31/12/2018 19:48

I'm very careful of what I tell expecting Women about labor and delivery. Here's my reality. Although I was nervous, By the end of the 9th month, I didn't care if my baby came out my nose or ear. I just wanted to be able to turn over in my sleep without waking up. All nervousness was gone. Keep track of your contractions on a nice piece of paper as your child will be interested when older.

abbsisspartacus · 31/12/2018 19:56

My first was awful my point is I had two more after her Hmm so was it really as bad as I thought or am I remembering it worse than it was? Three babies three births three different experiences

MirriVan · 31/12/2018 20:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hellobeautiful123 · 31/12/2018 20:24

To be honest i wish people had been more open about what can happen. I was very naive and totally unprepared. I had a very awful experience for me & my baby and i definitely don’t want any more.

Saying that.... i have heard a lot of good experiences and everyone is different! Good luck with conceiving x

BenjiB · 31/12/2018 20:25

I dont have a good story, I only have 3 because the second two were born be ELCS! However I don’t go into details with people ever! I think I had the opposite problem when pregnant and went into it a bit naive! One thing I hate are the Women that make you feel like you did something wrong if it wasn’t a positive experience.

LouH1981 · 31/12/2018 20:36

Hi, no ones birth experiences are the same and tbh whichever way you go it’s pretty painful (sorry! you are birthing a baby at the end of the day) but it’s totally worth it in the end xx

Kaybush · 31/12/2018 20:43

OP, I haven't read the whole thread but I can offer a very positive story, which is hopefully more typical than what's been said on here.

When I had my 2nd child, let's call her Celia, I'd been on all fours in hospital for over an hour, begging for an epidural, which I found out later they are now hesitant to do. I'd just had gas and air and I remember thinking "I wonder how Celia is feeling" and at that moment all pain left me, Celia came down the birth canal and was born.

It felt like a football was coming out of me, but there was absolutely no pain whatsoever, just sensation. Without sounding hippyish, it really was a sort of spiritual experience and really made me realise the power of the mind. The midwife said it was the best birth she'd seen in six months.

It's not all bad. Have 'faith' (although I'm not religious).