Charge different rent to my twins

[Roqueen]

One son just started full time work, earning £300pw, the other earns £75pw part time. I asked one for £40pw the other for £10. Full time twin found out and has gone ballistic (smashed my living room door ballistic) as he thinks his bro should pay the same, I say, it should be on a percentage. I may as well have told him I loved the other one and not him by his reaction. I see it as fair, yet he's livid. Am I wrong? The boys are 18.

You should charge them the same.

Can I also suggest your Ds who works part time should actually be expected to do more in the house . He will have more theme and balance things out a little

Why are people comparing a couple where 1 person earns a significantly higher salary? In that case, both people have chosen to build a life together, maybe the lower earner is raising BOTH parents child, or they have (together) made a decision to live nearby a particularly good location for one type of job skill.

That is nothing like two siblings sharing the same parents roof! They aren't building a life together, nor do one's choices in job, hours, skill, decision to have children, education affect the other.

A better analogy is comparing two flatmates (hint: they wouldn't pay reduced rent if they worked part time).

Yes, my parents constantly bailing out stupid decisions by a sibling influences my reply (and I'm not talking about obvious hand outs alone, it's simple things like not asking for rent because they "can't afford it" after spending most of uni pissing about, getting a crap grade, doing resits, graduating a year late).. but people comparing this situation to a husband and wife are entirety missing the point!

It's the same principle. Exactly the same.

Its bizarre that people think young adult children in a family being asked to contribute to rent is the same principle as a couple. Just completely bizarre.

I agree - bizarre.

The only way it would be fair if one paid less than the other would be if one had, say, a box room and the other a double room. When I shared a house as a student we had different room rates because the room sizes were so different.

Eilaianne - it's exactly the same because they DO have choices. They can choose to work full or part time, they can choose to stay at home under the op's terms, which she is entitled to set, or move out (I moved out at 18 did me no harm) and they can choose whether or not to be abusive, ungrateful & entitled shits!

I too have a sibling who as an adult has been repeatedly bailed out by parents.

Honestly there comes a point you have to accept that all you can change is your response to that. I mean that in the kindest way, you won't change the sibling or how the parents treat them - took me until my 40's to figure that one out I hope you learn faster than I did.

I'm nc with that sibling (for a whole litany of reasons! That's only one of them) and I won't discuss with my parents their life nor am I interested in hearing my parents complain about them needing bailed out yet again when they've enabled it all my siblings life and have only themselves to blame.

It's incredibly freeing to just not even talk about it any more.

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your children's father, that must be incredibly tough for you all

Two years is still very recent and to be grieving at 16/18 will be very difficult.

I'd expect my son to pay for the door to be fixed but I certainly wouldn't chuck him out like op's have said.

I think there needs to be an incentive to work full time and in your circumstances I'd probably offer a slight discount on the percentage of rent for the full time wage, say £35 instead of £40.

Equally, I'd charge higher for the one doing less hours to incentivise him to work and earn more, probably £15. In the end you get the same money in but it sends a message to both boys.

Angry twin will feel like he's being disadvantaged for working more and will feel like he's subsidising his brother.

PT twin will love just paying a tenner, winding his brother up and enjoying extra time at home.

There's no right or wrong answer though, you just do what is right for you and your family.

Wouldn't moving be better for them? More work oportunities for you all, more chance for them to socialise, have hobbies etc. Growing up rural can be very isolating for children and young adults.

Only one of our children so far is working (Saturday job while studying). We take nothing from him term time but during the summer when he works full time we take 12% of his monthly salary as a contributton (which he resents and drags out). He knows that we'll do the same with the others in time. We thought a percentage was the fairest way.

They are twins and I presume have been treated exacty the same since birth but now one works more you want him to contribute more aka subsidising his brother.

This was done behind closed doors and should have been out in the open and discussed if you felt it was the right thing.

Plus as a set percentage your calculations are wrong unless they are after tax and pensions.

Charge them the same it's the simplest and fairest way.

If either child thinks it is unfair, they have the option to move out.

OP, your abusive child should not be appeased

And I speak as the family scapegoat

Surely it should be based on what’s it actually costs you for them to live there rather than how much they earn? Otherwise you’re just profiting from your children.

"Surely it should be based on what’s it actually costs you for them to live there rather than how much they earn? Otherwise you’re just profiting from your children."

This ALWAYS comes up on such threads, usually posted by people with no idea how much it costs to keep an adult child!

Usually the amount requested by parents is WAY below what it's actually costing them to have that person living there!

How much do you think it costs the op to keep them in food alone? Because 18 year old men eat a lot!

I'll tell you right now I have an almost 18 year old daughter and she eats more than £25 of food a week!

Then there's other groceries (cleaning products, toiletries, occasional necessities like lightbulbs & batteries), gas, electric, water (in England & Wales), Internet, any tv packages that op gets that they use, possibly even elements that op wouldn't have if they weren't there.

op is also paying more in rent/mortgage and council tax due to having a larger property to accommodate them. It can be argued if they moved out she could downsize to a 2 bed property for just her and dd.

Council tax - as one of them is working full time she'll have lost her single occupancy discount too BECAUSE as far as govts concerned that adult (ft working twin) should be paying half the council tax - bet that's not cheap either! Based on even CHEAPEST council tax where I live that's £93 a month - £21.43 a week - alone!

So... A rough estimate of op's outgoings based on my own + local 4 bed property costs (and hers are likely higher with 4 in her house) and adjusting for 4 people:

Rent/mortgage £825
Council tax £93
Groceries £500
Gas £125
Elec £100 (winter rates admittedly)
Internet £25
Tv licence £12

Total £1680

And I reckon that's actually a pretty conservative estimate as I live in a cheap area and am on a tight budget myself.

That means it costs £420 per person per month.

Other posters on this thread - what do your bills actually cost? Does what the op's ft son is asked to pay even come close to your per person minimum necessity costs?

I think some are being quite head in the sand about what this is costing op or indeed what supporting their own full time working adult child is costing them.

Agree food bill is at least £25 per adult, but all the other costs listed by Graphista are fixed / very little different if there are more adults. Even Council tax the "extra" would be loss of 25% single person discount split between both 18 year olds rather than a 4 way split. In a 2 parent HH there would be no "extra".

However my own nearly 18 year old agrees she would need to find about £400 pm if she moved into a house share. Perhaps the compromise is to "charge" the higher earning twin £100 pw but set aside the difference from what their twin is paying in a saving account for them to move out with.

We paid 20% of our salary - it was fair that it was proportional to what we earned (and was still cheaper than living away from our parents)

Sorry but he has a point. I would feel the same if I were in his shoes. Why should he pay more because the other is unwilling/incapable of finding a full time job.
He is wrong for smashing your place thou

His tantrum was ridiculous. No excuses.
However i do think you have been unfair. You shouldnt have started asking them for money without them knowing that it was a percentage to begin with.

Also, personally i would have a set amount rather than percentage as its reflective of 'the real world' plus the one who works full time is at home less and using less amenities.

Address his behaviour though

I would just say to t1 "I charge a percentage. If you arent happy with that then move out. When you have your own kids you decide"

"from each according to their ability, to each according to their need"

it's fine for full-time-working twin to be charged more than part-time-working twin. but part-time-working twin should be given 4 hours more chores per week as they have more time so can contribute more. this will be effectively payment-in-kind making up the value to the same aw what full-time-working twin is paying.