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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Charge different rent to my twins

171 replies

Roqueen · 30/12/2018 15:48

One son just started full time work, earning £300pw, the other earns £75pw part time. I asked one for £40pw the other for £10. Full time twin found out and has gone ballistic (smashed my living room door ballistic) as he thinks his bro should pay the same, I say, it should be on a percentage. I may as well have told him I loved the other one and not him by his reaction. I see it as fair, yet he's livid. Am I wrong? The boys are 18.

OP posts:
Clawdy · 30/12/2018 16:05

He shouldn't have kicked the door, but they should both be paying the same.

Redgreencoverplant · 30/12/2018 16:06

Rent should be a fixed amount as it is in the normal rental market. Your system is unfair. However the door smashing is not ok and if I were you I would be giving him notice to move out.

Escolar · 30/12/2018 16:06

I think you should have been upfront about it. I don’t think it’s necessarily unfair (although as others have said it depends why the part time twin is working less) but I think a family discussion would have been better than him ‘finding out’.

TokyoSushi · 30/12/2018 16:07

I agree with PP's (obviously the door is completely out of order and needs to be paid for)

Why is one working part time? If it's because of study etc then that's fine and I think the percentage is fair. If they're just working part time and then having the rest of the time 'off' then no, not fair that the twin who is working harder has to pay more.

I realise that it's probably not as simple as that but you get the idea.

Rarfy · 30/12/2018 16:08

Aside from the door which is shocking i do think they should both pay the same. One doesn't cost more because he earns more and the other one depending on his reasons for working part time will probably be having a nice easier life.

My dm used to charge me more than my brothers cos i worked and they didn't. Proper used to piss me off.

Funkyfunkybeat12 · 30/12/2018 16:08

I think rent is the least of your worries. Your son is a violent thug and I would want him out asap as well as telling him to seek help for anger-management before a partner bears the brunt of this. Who the fuck smashes a door because their brother earning a quarter of their salary pays a little less?

Ethel80 · 30/12/2018 16:09

I agree with others that it depends why your other son is working part time. If they're studying or can't work film time then a proportioned rent seems fair enough. If it's because he can't be arsed then his brother will feel like he's being 'punished' for working more.

He's well out of order for the door though, I hope he's paying for that at the very least. Has he always had a nasty temper?

Quartz2208 · 30/12/2018 16:09

You are penalising him for working full time and rewarding the other for working part time - so unless there is a good reason yes you are

But his reaction was OTT

newplacenofriends · 30/12/2018 16:12

I agree that it depends why one is working part time. If it's because he can't be bothered to work full time then they should pay the same. If he has an illness which means he can't work full time then it is fair.

RavenWings · 30/12/2018 16:12

God, what a bold brat to smash the door like that. I think rent should be the same, but the rent isn't the issue here. He can pay damages for the door and I'd think carefully about keeping him in the house.

billybagpuss · 30/12/2018 16:12

I agree with you, a percentage is fair and for those that are saying rental is usually a fixed fee, yes it is, but its usually considerably more than £120 pcm and free access to the fridge.

I take it one is working full time and the other still studying?

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 30/12/2018 16:12

I think it depends on why part time twin is part time. If they are studying then it's normal to subsidise students. If they just CBA then it's not really fair.

Do you and your partner contribute equally? In my house our earnings are quite different so we contribute so we have the same amount of spending money left. Lots of people do that otherwise if there are large differences in earnings it can mean one person struggling after bills while the other is flush.

What would full time twin do if they were dating someone who was a full time student and no earnings as exam time? Still expect them to pay half or take into account their circumstances? Or just never go out if the other couldn't afford it or go out by themselves

newplacenofriends · 30/12/2018 16:13

though of course your main issue is his behaviour. It's abusive and he can't stay in the house if he is going to behave like that

GemmeFatale · 30/12/2018 16:14

I don’t earn the same as my partner so I don’t pay into our shared home equally.

If full time worker twin doesn’t like the deal currently on offer he can always find more suitable lodgings.

PristineCondition · 30/12/2018 16:14

He smashed your door?
He’d be paying rent elsewhere if he were here

jacks11 · 30/12/2018 16:15

OP

I'm a bit on the fence, although not about your son damaging the door which is very clearly totally unacceptable and I would be expecting a full and sincere apology. And he will have to pay to repair the damage. Any further such behaviour would mean he would have to move out- and mean it.

I think whether it is unfair or not does depend on why the other twin only works part time. If he is studying and working part-time on top- ok, fair enough as he is limited to the jobs and hours he could do. If he just choses to work part-time, then I think it would be unfair to charge him less as he has made a choice to earn less.

Whatever the case, I think it wasn't the best idea not to be open about the fact your were charging a % of income- it could look to him like you were trying to hide it from him. It would have been better to be upfront about it in the 1st place.

The other question I'd have is whether this is unusual behaviour for your DS? I ask, because if it is very out of character then I think you have to think about why he has reacted that way? I.e. does he actually think you favour his twin more than him and this is why he reacted this way (still not acceptable though)? If so, I think you need to look at whether he has a point.

If he often flies off the handle and damages property, then I think you need to tackle that with him as it really is not on.

Craft1905 · 30/12/2018 16:15

They should be charged the same. You have to be equal with siblings, it's unfair otherwise.

Charging them both the same percentage of their earnings is treating them equally.

minisoksmakehardwork · 30/12/2018 16:15

It's a life lesson.

Work more, pay out more. an equal percentage is certainly the fairer way.

However: what are your expectations?

If you are still otherwise funding the lower earner's lifestyle (mobile, clothes, social life) while the full time earner is expected to pay their own way I can see why he feels is unfair.

Unless there are exceptional circumstances like the part time earner is also in full time education or has disabilities meaning full time work isn't currently viable, I think both should pay closer to the same amount. It would be encouragement for the lower earner to increase their income stream.

Otherwise it does look a little like you favour one over the other.

MotsDHeureGoussesRames · 30/12/2018 16:16

Is there some back story here to explain (not justify) his unacceptable reaction? I mean does he feel like his brother has always been treated more favourably amd this was the straw that broke the camel's back? Needless to say, it's unacceptable and he needs to pay for the damage and apologise if he wants to stay. It just seems a huge overreaction.

As far as the rent goes, they should pay the same. You decide how much that is and charge accordingly. Why is one twin only p/t? Knowing that might make a difference.

Redgreencoverplant · 30/12/2018 16:16

I think comparing it to romantic partners living together is misleading. Siblings have not chosen to become a financial unit which shares costs etc. I think with siblings you have to treat exactly the same otherwise you will end up with a lot of resentment.

Clawdy · 30/12/2018 16:17

" Violent thug " ? No. He's lost it for a moment, as teenagers do, and probably regrets it now. My son as a teenager would possibly have reacted like that, although it would probably have been his bedroom door. He's now a responsible loving husband and father and has never hit anyone in his life, let alone a partner.

TheBigBangRocks · 30/12/2018 16:17

I would want him out asap as well as telling him to seek help for anger-management

Yes, throwing him out will fix it, not. He's only just turned an adult so has been under the influence of parents and I can't imagine there were no issues until he turned eighteen. All throwing him out dies is gloss over parenting.

Yabbers · 30/12/2018 16:18

You don’t pay more for rent if you earn more money, that’s not how it works. Think of how much each is costing you, and charge them the same. If part time twin can’t afford it, they need to get another job.

But the bigger problem is the twin who thinks they can smash up the house when they are unhappy. Need to address that first.

Funkyfunkybeat12 · 30/12/2018 16:19

Charging them both the same percentage of their earnings is treating them equally

Exactly. Equal treatment does not always mean the same. Do you kick off at the fact that students or children often pay less for things too? It's not fair to ask one to pay more than half his earnings for room and board and nor is it fair for someone earning 300 a week to pay a tenner in rent.

C8H10N4O2 · 30/12/2018 16:20

Percentage of income seems reasonable unless the lower earning twin is turning down work for no good reason. Destructive twin should pay for the damage.

OP these boys have been making your life miserable for a long time now - at 18 and working they can find their own accommodation if they are not happy with yours and still being abusive.