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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Charge different rent to my twins

171 replies

Roqueen · 30/12/2018 15:48

One son just started full time work, earning £300pw, the other earns £75pw part time. I asked one for £40pw the other for £10. Full time twin found out and has gone ballistic (smashed my living room door ballistic) as he thinks his bro should pay the same, I say, it should be on a percentage. I may as well have told him I loved the other one and not him by his reaction. I see it as fair, yet he's livid. Am I wrong? The boys are 18.

OP posts:
AGHHHH · 30/12/2018 17:54

He earns more because he work more hours. Also means he's in the house less. I don't get charged more rent if I pick up hours or less if I lose my job.

I see what you're saying but they're the same age, both working, both contributing and it should be an equal split. It can only cause resentment your way.

AGHHHH · 30/12/2018 17:55

Wanted to add that he shouldn't be 'punished' for working more. Let him save up and he can move out quicker!

Bluelady · 30/12/2018 18:02

Most couples where there is a disparity in incomes split living expenses by percentage, why would this be different? I, too, would like to know why one's only working part time.

AGHHHH · 30/12/2018 18:05

Why does it matter if one is 'only' working part time? Confused As long as they're doing something with themselves and contributing in some way there is nothing set in stone to say you need to work a minimum of 36 hours a week. The difference could be a couple of hours. They don't need to work full time and the one who does could also drop down to part time hours and it should still be OK.

MaisyPops · 30/12/2018 18:21

AGHHHH
Because the one in the house most is the one paying significantly less than what it costs for them to stay.

Without knowing the situation, it may well be situations like me and other posters have mentioned where one child works hard and watches a sibling who opts to work part time get subbed and handouts. Those things grate after a while (e.g. I still get irritated when one sibling gets expensive treats handouts having complained to parents that Maisy and the others have... when we've worked hard and stuck at things and they've chosen quit jobs).

It doesn't matter if someone wants to work part time but it does matter if we're looking at relationship dynamics when one party expects to be subbed through life.

AandB201517 · 30/12/2018 18:21

The vanishing act. I do love those.

But yanbu. If he’s so pissed off about the situation and he’s working F/T then why the hell is he still living there!

toolazytothinkofausername · 30/12/2018 18:27

Depends why is one twin only working p/t?

Out of choice: should pay same as other twin.
The only work he can find/also studying: should pay less than f/t twin.

Sarahandduck18 · 30/12/2018 18:32

Why is one ft and one pt?

uhhuhhoney · 30/12/2018 18:35

They shouldn't be paying equal but they should be contributing the same proportional percentage which they currently aren't

ViolaLucyofTirol · 30/12/2018 18:39

Will this be the last great mystery of 2018.... 'why does only one twin work FT'?? If they pay rent by cheque, I'd cancel it!

Thesmallthings · 30/12/2018 18:40

I'd charge 25 each.
If part time worker wants more hours he can do more hours.

Bluelady · 30/12/2018 18:42

They're paying the same percentage.

MaisyPops · 30/12/2018 18:43

viola
GrinGrin

sushisuperstar · 30/12/2018 18:46

My parents would have shot me if I'd have smashed the door in misses point of thread

Fatasfook · 30/12/2018 18:47

Yabu. You should charge the same. If part time twin struggles it may motivate him to find a full time job. Full time twin should be made to fix the door and given a warning that if he does anything like it again then he has to move out.

Original poster
Roqueen · 30/12/2018 19:23

Their dad died two years ago. They both take their pain out on me through anger. It's been hideous for all of us. I've been to social services, seen a psychologist (who said I was doing everything right) had counselling, they refuse it sadly. We live in an isolated village with no transport which they haved used as an excuse not to find work, neither can be bothered to learn to drive. The part time one has been working a year and a half in the village pub. He finished a year at college after his dad died. Full time twin quit college and sat in his room for two years. I feel very alone and find parenting them really tough. I'm not really able to cope with criticism, but wanted a range of opinions, which has made me see things from a different perspective. I appreciate those who took the time to reply, thank you

OP posts:
MaisyPops · 30/12/2018 19:30

Having seen your update then i take back my thoughts on potential unfairness. What a horrible situation.

The door needs fixing by the son who broke it.
In terms of rent, I think you're being fairly reasonable. Full time twin can't kick off about unfairness when they didn't work or go to college for 2 years and lived for free.

I'm not sure how best to move forward but I would be saying there almost needs to be a not negotiable therapy/counselling. I have no idea how you get to that but they can't continue to behave as they are towards you and each other.
Flowers

Starlight456 · 30/12/2018 19:34

Can you move op?

I realise this was their dad and your dh home

They are both 18 and it seems they are using his death as an excuse.

I would a make ds1 pay for door

Secondly set ground rules for those wanting to live in your house

Littlefrog99 · 30/12/2018 19:39

Bills, rent, etc, aren't always split 50/50 when you move out into the real world. IME in shared houses the rent was always split proportionally according to room size with those having bigger rooms paying more. Now I live with DP he pays the lions share of everything as he works more hours than me and his salary is much greater. I think you're right to charge a percentage of their income although I would be encouraging the part time twin to be doing full time hours under the circumstances.

KonekoBasu · 30/12/2018 19:48

Why does everyone think there are full time jobs available for everyone who wants one and that if you're in a part time job you can just request more hours and be given them?

Life isn't always (usually?) like that.

Graphista · 30/12/2018 19:49

"Those saying its unfair that one pays more than the other, what about when couples move in together and one earns significantly more?

Would you expect them both to split everything 50/50 and the one on the lower income to be left with little or nothing left for 'fun'?"

Exactly! Numerous threads on here where op's are advised that they shouldn't be expected to contribute 50/50 if their spouse is a far higher earner than them, or even where only one spouse is earning.

"I think that's a different situation. Parent here will have rent / mortgage, council tax and utilities whether or not DSs live with her. Fair enough to split grocery bill 3 ways but if mainly eating at home both boys probably cost about £25 pw for that alone. If either / both twin living there means council tax / rent increase then this would be even more"

Have you any experience of the costs of adult men? I'm pretty sure they're eating a damn sight more than £25 a week alone! If they weren't living there op could downsize to a smaller property with lower rent & council tax, even without moving her costs on utilities would be less if they weren't living there! Do you think 18 year old men don't need, heat, water, light etc?!!

countingto10 · 30/12/2018 19:55

I’ve just been in this situation with DS1 working full time and earning more and DS2 finally finding a part time job after finishing A levels.

First question DS1 asked when DS2 got a job is what is he paying in rent. DS1, is 26, has ASD, probably will only ever earn minimum wage and is unlikely to move out anytime soon, he takes home approx £270 pw and pays us £55 pw - he knows this is cheap/good deal, appreciates it etc.

DS2 still doesn’t know what to do with his life and his part time hours vary each week so we have decided (and everyone agrees is fair due to his varying hours) that he will pay 25% of his take home pay up to a maximum of £55 pw. In his first week, he earnt approx £80 therefore he paid £20, over the Christmas period he paid nearer the £55. Funnily enough, since he has been working he has been more inclined to help around the house Hmm. Obviously we hope he will find more direction soon as to what he wants to do with his life but after not doing anything for 6 months, we are happy he is doing something.

Haffdonga · 30/12/2018 19:56

I'm so sorry for your loss. Sad Both your boys understandably sound as if they're struggling. I hope your strength and support will get you all through.

In light of your update I can see why your FT ds would feel it was unfair because his brother is equally capable of working full time if he chooses. (I can also see why you would have done it your way.)

Could you all sit down together, pose it as a problem that you don't know how to solve and ask them to reach an agreement of how their weekly £50 rent should fairly be divided between them? They may agree it should be split equally. In the future the other may be the higher earner and benefit from the deal.

Of course subtract cost of the door from FT twin first.

cricketmum84 · 30/12/2018 19:57

Me and my sister always paid a set percentage of earnings. While I was on an apprenticeship on £55 a week mine was a lot less than hers but then I don't think it's fair to expect the same amount when ones earnings are so much lower. Once I had qualified I ended up paying more so it was swings and roundabouts.

Worth adding that when I was paying less I ended up doing more of the household chores which then switched round when I was earning more.

Mummyshark2018 · 30/12/2018 20:04

I think it's a difficult one. On the one hand full time twin has a lot more money, but also works more and maybe made better choices (?) therefore shouldn't be disadvantaged because he is more economically successful at this stage. Why is part time twin not working more, trying to substitute bar Siri with other work? You don't want to disencentivise part time twin to seeking to with full time or better his career options. A tricky one and without knowing more (even taking into account your update) I don't know what I would do.
FWIW I had a part time job from age 15 and worked 2 shifts per week (around school) and maybe earned £50 pw. My older sibling by 1 year chose not to work but was still at school. our parents still gave us both the same amount of pocket money (£10pw). I was obviously better off but my response to brother was 'get a job then'. There was no reason why he couldn't- he just didn't want/ need to. I would've found it unfair if parents had stopped my pocket money whilst subsidising his choice.