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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Charge different rent to my twins

171 replies

Roqueen · 30/12/2018 15:48

One son just started full time work, earning £300pw, the other earns £75pw part time. I asked one for £40pw the other for £10. Full time twin found out and has gone ballistic (smashed my living room door ballistic) as he thinks his bro should pay the same, I say, it should be on a percentage. I may as well have told him I loved the other one and not him by his reaction. I see it as fair, yet he's livid. Am I wrong? The boys are 18.

OP posts:
C8H10N4O2 · 30/12/2018 17:07

minisoksmakehardwork

OP has previously posted to ask for advice on that subject and its important to the context of the current situation.

itsbetterwithoutyou · 30/12/2018 17:07

Those saying its unfair that one pays more than the other, what about when couples move in together and one earns significantly more?

Would you expect them both to split everything 50/50 and the one on the lower income to be left with little or nothing left for 'fun'?

NikiFree · 30/12/2018 17:07

Full time twin found out and has gone ballistic (smashed my living room door ballistic)

That's as far as I got. He can get out right now and pay rent to a private landlord. See if they tolerate that kind of shit.

TroysMammy · 30/12/2018 17:08

I'd say percentage but the part timer should do a few more chores around the house than the full timer.

adaline · 30/12/2018 17:09

Should be same amount. I think it’s unfair too.

Why? They both earn different amounts.

ILoveChristmasLights · 30/12/2018 17:10

Why do people start threads like this then immediately bugger off?

namechangedtoday15 · 30/12/2018 17:10

From a twin's perspective.

My twin and I were always charged rent when we lived at home during uni holidays - it started at £20 a week (back in the 90s) but went up iirc. We were always charged the same irrespective of what we were earning. Both had the same opportunities to get holiday jobs, used utilities, food etc. If one of us earned more it didnt alter how much we paid, that was kind of the benefit of working longer hours / getting a job that paid more.

One summer my twin did less hours as she was revising for resits. Still had to pay the same rent. If theres a circumstance that is beyond Twin 2's control that means he can only work p/t hours (illness / special needs etc) that might be different but I'm with Twin 1. Obviously his reaction was unacceptable but I can see why hes angry.

Yulebealrite · 30/12/2018 17:10

I can't comment until I know why one earns more than the other.

Juells · 30/12/2018 17:16

Not much point offering opinions since the OP has disappeared

Funkyfunkybeat12 · 30/12/2018 17:17

If you read the OP's other threads, both these boys are highly abusive and make the OP's life a nightmare. She has a teenage daughter who is witnessing their terrible behaviour. I don't care if one of them earns 10p a week- OP you need to get them out. Smashing a door is just the tip of a large iceberg.

howabout · 30/12/2018 17:17

*Those saying its unfair that one pays more than the other, what about when couples move in together and one earns significantly more?

Would you expect them both to split everything 50/50 and the one on the lower income to be left with little or nothing left for 'fun'?*

I think that's a different situation. Parent here will have rent / mortgage, council tax and utilities whether or not DSs live with her. Fair enough to split grocery bill 3 ways but if mainly eating at home both boys probably cost about £25 pw for that alone. If either / both twin living there means council tax / rent increase then this would be even more.

starsorwater · 30/12/2018 17:18

It's really not fair, unless one of them is ill, etc. and can really only work part time. Even so, you should have discussed it openly with them both like adults before any charging started.

Don't know what to say about the door. Has it happened ever before?

minisoksmakehardwork · 30/12/2018 17:18

I would love @Roqueen to come back and clarify.

I guess the flip side of this is it is teaching the men that all things cannot be equal. So either op has been up to now treating her twins exactly the same and now ft twin has thrown his dolly out the pram because he hasn't had to deal with things being unequal between the two.

Raising twins is hard because of this exact reason. They are the same age and therefore expected to be at the same stage as their sibling. But this isn't always the case.

Palaver1 · 30/12/2018 17:23

To bad mum can charge what she wants.its her house no ones business why ones working part time.
The real issue is the lack of self control To be fair It shows his ready to move out and into a rental.
Freaking disrespectful..this is how slight fear creeps into the home it’s not right .

beerandchocolate · 30/12/2018 17:24

I've just seen your other posts too. I am sorry you are having such an awful time. You have certainly not been unfair to your sons but have put up with a lot of abuse and anger from them.

Your son who is working is able to find his own place to live and this may help him to adjust to being an independent adult who takes responsibility for himself. Your other son needs to treat you decently or get out.

brizzledrizzle · 30/12/2018 17:24

I would charge them both the same percentage of their earnings - that's how the tax system works and so it seems fair enough to me. The vandal twin should be charged for the damage he has caused.

Blueemeraldagain · 30/12/2018 17:28

We can’t really give an opinion without knowing why one twin works part time and the other full time.

I was the “full time twin”, I’d be really annoyed if I’d got myself a full time job (not always easy at 18 these days) and was being “penalised” (as he sees it) and made to “subsidise” (again as he sees it) my brother’s expenses.

Having said that I have two younger brothers (we are each a year apart so not multiples but very close in age) and the youngest has high functioning ASD. My middle brother and I paid rent whenever we were living at home and working after 18. My youngest brother only started paying rent about 2 years ago (we are 32, 31 and 29) because his SEN has affected his earnings in a manner beyond his control. My brother and I would never have dreamed of complaining.

I would absolutely make him cover the cost of repairing/replacing the door.

XmasPostmanBos · 30/12/2018 17:31

It's a family, not a business.
Will the currently higher earner be saying the same thing if he loses his job and can't pay any contribution and his mother says 'unlucky, you'll have to move out'.

Exactly I wouldn't even call it rent, they are helping their family out by contributing a fair amount.

Bamchic · 30/12/2018 17:33

ILoveChristmasLights

Why do people start threads like this then immediately bugger off?

I don’t know but I feel lost without any follow up!

Gone4Good · 30/12/2018 17:40

Paying rent to live in the family home doesn't sit well with me at all. My mother was a miser and I had to pay 'rent' at 15. I was made to understand, by her it was their home, not mine. Paying rent wasn't done in my father's family. He started work at 14 and by 21, along with my mother's savings, they had money to buy their first house.

If you have to take their money, couldn't you put it into the bank so it could go towards a down payment on a house for them one day?

AWishForWingsThatWork · 30/12/2018 17:41

I imagine both 18 year olds are just starting out in the working world, and perhaps they both found the best jobs they could under their own circumstances?

You charge them a percentage, much as you have done, based on their best efforts under their circumstances.

Your angry twin should be paying to fix the door he smashed immediately and issue a heartfelt, grovelling apology for his shitty behaviour or he should move elsewhere immediately.

Twattish behaviour.

wonkylegs · 30/12/2018 17:42

The reaction is not reasonable and requires apologies and sorting out that it gets fixed.
The rent - As others have said it really depends on the full circumstances as to whether or not it's fair.
I have never got help/ money etc from my parents when my brother has got loads when challenged on it my mum said 'oh it's because you are sensible and always work things out'.
Yes by living within my means, working hard, going without, sticking with jobs even when I haven't liked them because I knew I'd have to pay the mortgage,
It grates when he bloody does whatever he feels like knowing he has somebody else to bail him out. He has never grown out of this mentality because he's never had to. I paid my own way completely from 18 my brother is 40 and still doesn't! If he doesn't like a job he quits, if he feels like going travelling he jacks it all in pleads poverty and parents pay up.
Yes equality doesn't necessarily mean treating everybody exactly the same but take a step back and look at exactly how fair you are being.

IAmMumWho · 30/12/2018 17:44

When I lived at home I worked part time. I came out with 500 a month. I paid 200 a month board yet my older brother payed nothing. He was on job seekers and never found a job ever.

I think what your asking is wrong.

MaisyPops · 30/12/2018 17:47

gone
I can see the point in grown up children chipping in to costs (e.g. extra for utilities etc) but not for basic bills/rent.

I think the problem with charging some board between siblings is that it can unearth any other inequalities.
E.g. out of my siblings, one has had all sorts of handouts, no board because they worked part time (part time by choice because they'd previosuly not liked working full time) but us older ones had to pay more when we were younger because 'if you're old enough to work then you're old enough to pay your way'. Looking back, us older ones are in the better position in our lives but the pattern of favourable treatment from one parent is still there. There were reasonable gaps between older and younger ones so it wasn't too bad but I could see how such inequality under the same roof could cause friction.

Cauliflowersqueeze · 30/12/2018 17:54

adaline because that’s life. I earn less than friends and we aren’t charged differently.