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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Charge different rent to my twins

171 replies

Roqueen · 30/12/2018 15:48

One son just started full time work, earning £300pw, the other earns £75pw part time. I asked one for £40pw the other for £10. Full time twin found out and has gone ballistic (smashed my living room door ballistic) as he thinks his bro should pay the same, I say, it should be on a percentage. I may as well have told him I loved the other one and not him by his reaction. I see it as fair, yet he's livid. Am I wrong? The boys are 18.

OP posts:
Yabbers · 30/12/2018 16:20

Work more, pay out more. an equal percentage is certainly the fairer way

Nonsense. Rent/board isn’t a tax. You only pay more if you get more.

eggsandwich · 30/12/2018 16:22

Why does one twin work part time?

Firstly the twin that went ballistic needs to learn some self control and discuss any issues they have in an adult manner.

Secondly many, many years ago when I lived at home I had a good well paid job in London and one of my sisters had a local job which didn’t pay as well, she thought I should pay much more than her as I earned much more than her, don’t know how she knew how much I earned as I never discussed my salary with her.

Anyway my mum said why should I penalise egg just because she got herself a better paid job and was willing to do alot of travelling to get a better salaried job, if you did the same and didn’t work local your salary would be much more.

As it was I did say to mum thanks for what you said but I was more than willing to give more which I did.

Funkyfunkybeat12 · 30/12/2018 16:22

You don’t pay more for rent if you earn more money, that’s not how it works. Think of how much each is costing you, and charge them the same.

In some countries, income is actually taken into account when rent is set. And this is a contribution, not open market rent that we are talking about anyway. Earning more also doesn't mean that you are working harder. Some of the hardest jobs (care work, cleaning etc) are some of the most low-paid.

C8H10N4O2 · 30/12/2018 16:23

You only pay more if you get more.

Well since neither boy is paying anything resembling the real costs of living that is a bit moot.

You don't know why the incomes are disparate, charging young adults starting work a percentage of income rather than the full cost of their board and lodging is a pretty common model.

TornFromTheInside · 30/12/2018 16:23

They are your children, it's not a pure business transaction.
One child may be lucky and other not so much, and you're asking them each to contribute accordingly - it's logical in that respect.

However, if you're trying to prepare them for real life beyond the home, then sure, they should pay equal rent, and by the same token, kicking a door in would be grounds for evicting your tenant!

That sort of violent behaviour has absolutely no place. That needs to be stressed right now. If he does that now, he'll do it with his partner too. He needs to address it, immediately.

But as I said, they're your children, this isn't pure business. I am sure when you had money or didn't have money, the children shared in your fortunes (and typically you'd put them first when times were harder). You didn't say 'well, we are earning a lot at the moment, but you can't have a share in that!). You're a family, with mixed fortunes. If someone doesn't want to share in that regime, then it's time to move out and go it alone.

bevelino · 30/12/2018 16:23

I would have discussed the rent with both of them at the same time as it is quite hard keeping secrets from twins. I have triplets and they tell each other just about everything.

Notacluethisxmas · 30/12/2018 16:23

It depends in why the other only works part time. If it's just because they can't be arsed, then I perhaps, could see their point of view.

TheVanguardSix · 30/12/2018 16:24

£25 each per week, both young men, is what I would have done.

Userplusnumbers · 30/12/2018 16:24

They should be charged the same. You have to be equal with siblings, it's unfair otherwise

Surely the other way to manage this is to continue to charge PT son £10 per week and then charge FT son £270 per week. That way they both have £30 per week to spend. Nice and equal.

(obvs I'm just being goady, but the point is, charging teens a percentage of their earnings has long been accepted as the most sensible way to prepare them for moving out)

howabout · 30/12/2018 16:24

I know more than a couple of 18 year old boys who have kicked in doors at home. Not beyond the pale by any means but clearly needs an apology and paying to fix.

On the rent I think you either charge both the same or not at all. £20 each gives the part-timer over £50 spending money. However I'm not convinced even £40 is a realistic amount and by charging so little you risk setting them up with unrealistic notions of the cost of living. Mine are similar age but not earning yet. I get them to meal shop for me so they know how much things cost. You could get each of yours to shop for and prepare a couple of family meals each per week in lieu of rent.

DanielRicciardosSmile · 30/12/2018 16:25

It's a long time since I left home, and DS is still at school, but isn't it usually a third of their income in board, a third saved for future deposit etc, and a third to spend on themselves?

PristineCondition · 30/12/2018 16:25

£25 per week is 1/3 of ones income. And a stop in the ocean of the others. Not fair

DirtyDishes · 30/12/2018 16:25

Of course it's fair. Full time is still only paying £160 a month with the rest as disposable income.

m0therofdragons · 30/12/2018 16:25

My db earned more than me so rent wise dm set it at 10% so we had the same percentage left each.

minisoksmakehardwork · 30/12/2018 16:30

@yabbers, I meant it as in it's a lesson to the eldest that the more you earn, the more you pay out in tax.

Seperately from the life lesson, charging the two a percentage of their income is the fairer way of ensuring both boys are paying something and still have something less.

Purpleartichoke · 30/12/2018 16:30

Unless the part-time worker has a compelling reason for working part-time, they should pay similar rents. If they both worked full-time, but one made a lower salary, than a lower rent might be justified. Basically you are rewarding your kid for being a slacker.

There is however no excuse for a violent explosion.

minisoksmakehardwork · 30/12/2018 16:30

*left, not less.

HavelockVetinari · 30/12/2018 16:35

It massively depends on why the lower earner only works part-time. If it's a choice and not to facilitate study then it's pretty unfair to charge different rent.

MrsSpenserGregson · 30/12/2018 16:35

How many working adults in the household?

Personally I don't agree with charging children rent per se, but I do believe that a working adult should pay their fair share of the running costs of the home. f it's 3 of you, each of the twins should be paying one third of electricity, gas, council tax, wifi etc if Twin 2 is working part-time purely through choice, regardless of what they are earning. That's life. The costs of running the home are the same regardless of what everyone earns, and those who earn more money will naturally have more disposable income. Twin 1 should not be subsidising his brother.

Obvs if Twin 2 is also studying, or has special needs which means he can't work more hours, the above does not apply.

Based on the OP, it doesn't seem fair at all at the moment, as Twin 2 is paying a tiny fraction of what it will cost to have him living in the house. However, I'm assuming there is a reason other than laziness than Twin 2 only earns £75 per week....?! (Hopefully I've x-posted with the OP where she explains what this reason is!)

As for Twin 1 kicking off - can't comment on that until I know why Twin 2 is such a low earner, and if he's being treated fairly or not (I don't condone the violence but it would help to understand why Twin 1 feels so hard done by)

delboysskinandblister · 30/12/2018 16:35

Is this the straw that broke the camel's back. I am sensing the £10 a week twin has often felt favoured over the other one and this is yet another occasion. That is why he smashed the door in. It's not right and I don't condone it. I am just trying to find what precipitated this violent act.

BoomBoomsCousin · 30/12/2018 16:36

Fairness with twins is hard OP. All the sibling rivalry is magnified.

As others have said, unless one of them is turning down work in order to laze around, charging them the same percentage (up to a maximum amount) is reasonably fair. You might have part time twin do a bit more in terms of household chores since he has more time on his hands, though. But is there more to this? Has part time twin always used more of your resources? Does full time twin need more reassurance that you're proud of him and love him?

The violence in response to not liking your decisions is worrying. If it's a one-off and you feel safe then a discussion about it and getting him to sort it out is probably the best response. But if he's often violent or you (or part time twin) feel unsafe then you need to take more drastic action - kicking him out for it is not unreasonable, though not the only route.

delboysskinandblister · 30/12/2018 16:36

sorry - I mean the richer twin often feels short changed in other areas from the poorer twin.

Petalflowers · 30/12/2018 16:39

I agree with the others. Why is twin 2 working part-time? If studying, then fair enough to pay a reduced rent. However, if it’s because they don’t fancy working f/t, then it’s unfair.

If they were renting in the big bad world, they would be paying the same rent.

DiWoo · 30/12/2018 16:39

I can understand why the FT twin would be annoyed and it may not encourage the PT twin to get a FT job, however it's your house and I expect neither of them are paying the proper rates.
How about setting them the same rent but also drawing up a chart of chores they can do and how much they 'pay' that they can do in lieu of paying cash? It may help to even things out plus it may make them think they'd rather work than do chores and/or may make them appreciate the value when someone else does them in the house.
Good luck

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 30/12/2018 16:39

YABU.

My logic is, they are both getting the same advantages. In the real world, the one earning more would get more - better house, car, etc, the lower earner would get less.

You’ve allowed the playing field to be levelled, unfair to higher earner.

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