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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Charge different rent to my twins

171 replies

Roqueen · 30/12/2018 15:48

One son just started full time work, earning £300pw, the other earns £75pw part time. I asked one for £40pw the other for £10. Full time twin found out and has gone ballistic (smashed my living room door ballistic) as he thinks his bro should pay the same, I say, it should be on a percentage. I may as well have told him I loved the other one and not him by his reaction. I see it as fair, yet he's livid. Am I wrong? The boys are 18.

OP posts:
itswinetime · 30/12/2018 16:39

Why is part time twin part time?? If there is a good reason then maybe if he just hasn't found a full time job then I can see why the twin working full time is upset it seems like your punishing him for working hard.

Regardless he shouldn't have destroyed your living room and should pay to correct that

Graphista · 30/12/2018 16:40

Outwards - fair does not necessarily mean exactly the same.

Would you think it fair if you had to pay the same income tax as someone on over £1m a year when you're on nmw?!!

My siblings and I paid the same percentage of our wages if living at parents home when working full time. Not the same amounts but the same proportion, that's fair and we never had a problem with that.

In fact if we were only working part time we weren't expected to pay anything. But yes we were expected if working part time to contribute in other ways. Slightly more chores, waiting in for deliveries etc

"Rent is normally a set fee not percentage of earnings." Except if you're renting away from home your wage dictates where you can afford so actually a natural change in the rent a lower earner pays vs a higher earner occurs so that if you were to compare the proportion each pays for rent probably is a similar percentage in relation to pay.

Surfskatefamily · 30/12/2018 16:41

I dont think its fair actually. Unless the ones earning 75 is also in school.

If theyre both out of education i would charge the same. Its not the higher earning twins fault the other one doesnt work as hard

Cherries101 · 30/12/2018 16:42

I think his reaction suggests this was the last straw. Personally, I wouldn’t expect one child to pay more than the other. If £75/wk is all one son can afford then you charge them both that.

TornFromTheInside · 30/12/2018 16:43

Its not the higher earning twins fault the other one doesnt work as hard

A big assumption being made there.

cuppycakey · 30/12/2018 16:44

YANBU

Door smashing twin would be on a final warning to behave or find somewhere else to live that he felt was fairer

QueenieIsLost · 30/12/2018 16:45

Well if two people are living tiegetger, I’m epxecting them to pay in propeortion to their wage not the exact same amount.
I wouod expect the same from the dcs, assuming one isn't taking the mickey out (aka nit one lazy one, refusing to do anything incl also helping around the house etc....)

The mistake here is to not have explained that cekarky to both of them because then, he sit looks like you are favouring one over the other.

The violent behaviour is never excusable.

C8H10N4O2 · 30/12/2018 16:46

If £75/wk is all one son can afford then you charge them both that

That is the income of one twin, he pays £10 per week. Its not reasonable to charge only a tenner a week to someone earning £300 - it teaches him nothing about money and reinforces abusive behaviour (the door is not the first time).

Parky04 · 30/12/2018 16:47

We need to know why one is P/T before we can judge if YABU.

Starlight456 · 30/12/2018 16:47

Until we know why one twin works part time hard to say

eddielizzard · 30/12/2018 16:49

It's a percentage, and he'll be paying for a new door! He's got to learn that throwing a tantrum won't get him what he wants. Hold fast!

minisoksmakehardwork · 30/12/2018 16:49

@C8H10N4O2 - Where does @Roqueen say the door smashing isn't one off behaviour?

NutElla5x · 30/12/2018 16:49

Firstly make him pay up for the damaged door,then up his rent to £75pw-£40 per week is a pathetic amount imo- and up his brother's rent to £20 while you're at it.Is there any reason why twin 2 is only working part time?

Yabbers · 30/12/2018 16:51

In some countries, income is actually taken into account when rent is set.
If the OP was in one of those Countries, that would be relevant.

Earning more also doesn't mean that you are working harder.
Who said that it did?

Well since neither boy is paying anything resembling the real costs of living that is a bit moot.
How so? A renter doesn’t actually pay anything resembling the cost of owning a property, should they pay less if their income is less?

a percentage of income rather than the full cost of their board and lodging is a pretty common model.
Common in your world maybe. Charging based on actual costs is also a pretty common model in my world.

@minisoksmakehardwork
A life lesson he will learn from paying actual tax I’m sure.

jq28 · 30/12/2018 16:53

That's so unfair they should be charged the same.

buckeejit · 30/12/2018 16:55

Fair to charge different imo, explain to him that he would want the assistance but he's free to move out if he's it happy with the arrangement

shiveringtimber · 30/12/2018 16:58

I wouldn't ask my DC for rent at 18. Although legally adult, I'd give them time to learn to budget and hopefully establish a savings account. I'd suggest they help with groceries and/or utilities but charging them rent seems mean. Of course the twin who smashed the door would have to pay to have it fixed! That's unacceptable behaviour and indicates immaturity.

HedgehogPoo · 30/12/2018 16:58

When I lived with my parents, I paid more than my siblings as I always earned more than they did and had steady employment. It seemed perfectly fair and I have never thought negatively about that.

At our parents' birthdays and at Christmas, we gave joint presents and I always paid the lion's share as it was unfair to expect my brother and sister to pay more than they could reasonably afford. It was just our family way and it worked really well. If the boot had been on the other foot, I would have been grateful that my brother or sister who earned more that I did, didn't expect me to pay a full split of the costs.

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/12/2018 16:58

It sounds fair. Both sums are paultry amounts, which you twin is missing. You should have discussed it first though.

Loka123 · 30/12/2018 17:00

This is one of the situations where I kinda agree with both sides - you seem to have applied the same percentage on each twin's salary to determine rent which does seem fair enough BUT I can understand your full-time son's reaction as well as he's getting the same stuff as his brother but has to pay more.. like he wouldn't be expected to pay £2 for a cake at a shop, whilst his part time brother pays £1 for the same cake, just because he earns a different amount......

Though it does depend on why your other twin is working part-time, as others have also mentioned. If it's that he's going to uni then fair enough (as the other brother could have opted for the same option if he wanted to - there's some sort of college/uni course for nearly ability out there) but if the part time twin is just relaxing etc. the rest of the time, then I can further understand the anger of the full-time working twin.

Funkyfunkybeat12 · 30/12/2018 17:01

OP, I have seen your other threads now. Time to get these disgusting and abusive creatures out of your home for good. You have a daughter and you are teaching her that it's OK to be abused like this. They are 18- tell them to sling their hook- it has to stop.

jackstini · 30/12/2018 17:02

It does depend on why one is part time

Really though we are talking about board or contributing to household expenses rather than rent

My sister and I both used to pay 12.5% of wages from when we started earning; sometimes I paid more, sometimes she did

It's a life lesson in tax - more you earn, more you pay. They may as well get used to it

Bigger issues are you should probably have all sat down and been honest about your plans from the start and your ds needs to address his anger and pay for a new door

Eilaianne · 30/12/2018 17:03

Not on to charge different amounts - you're subsidising choices made by one, you should treat them the same unless you've directly influenced their earning potential or it's for a fixed set amount of time (but you acknowledge the subsidising).

It sounds like you have bigger problems but really: re the OP, as someone who has a sibling whose poor feckless life choices have been enabled for years due to parents picking up the slack for an adult.... Treat them the same, bills/living costs are the same! And you wouldn't expect a landlord to reduce their rent because they're earning less than other renters... That should factor into the life choices they make. Not expect unequal housing costs from people...

Cauliflowersqueeze · 30/12/2018 17:05

Should be same amount. I think it’s unfair too.

TornFromTheInside · 30/12/2018 17:06

That's so unfair they should be charged the same.

It's a family, not a business.
Will the currently higher earner be saying the same thing if he loses his job and can't pay any contribution and his mother says 'unlucky, you'll have to move out'.

I would trust the mother in question to know her sons and their motivations. If one is quite obviously 'dodging' his rent by avoiding work, then he'll have to pay in other ways - like housework. But if it's purely mixed fortunes, then I think she's being fair.