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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Fucking bitches

616 replies

LindaLa · 30/12/2018 11:39

Up until very recently (last night), I had a group of 4 very close friends.

I recently had an upset of a childhood (sexual) trauma that I've told no one about. One of my friends was here when this happened and I opened up to her, she was supportive and i felt great, lighter.

Last night we all meet for drinks and exchange gifts. We all exchange various supermarket vouchers and have done since our "babies" were babies.

She makes a comment about a paedofile arrest made near her and then says "surprised you don't know him Linda, you were paedofile fodder"
Other people laugh and start questioning me about what happened.

She has told them everything.

I being questioned in a bar. A crowded bar.

I have grabbed my things and left.

Took their things out of my car and left them on the kerb.
I have blocked them. Everywhere.

I have been to supermarkets and spent all the vouchers, put it all in the food bank.

Fuck them.

OP posts:
PurpleTrilby · 01/01/2019 15:15

As a fellow survivor of csa I am fucking outraged on your behalf. Also quite shocked that mn deleted this at one point, silencing us, much?

I've told many friends about my abuse and not one, ever, has told other people and not one, ever, has ever used it against me or thought it was something to joke about. And not one, ever, has turned tehir back on me or hinted I might be a danger to children. FUCKING CUNTS!

Here's to better friends for you in 2019, much love.

AWishForWingsThatWork · 01/01/2019 15:17

Wow. You babysat her kids so you should have told her about the personal, criminal violations you experienced in the past. And radio silence on an apology for her appalling, joking behaviour.

Cunts. The lot of them.

BlueJag · 01/01/2019 15:18

That is beyond my comprehension. I am so deeply sorry. They traumatised you all over again.
I feel like I need to apologise on their behalf because you deserve it.
I hope you have other supportive people in your life.
Absolute bastards. Scum of the earth.

Lizzie48 · 01/01/2019 15:26

As a fellow survivor of csa I am fucking outraged on your behalf. Also quite shocked that mn deleted this at one point, silencing us, much?

I agree, that's how I feel. There should have been much more of an apology from MNHQ. Angry

Lizzie48 · 01/01/2019 15:32

Wow. You babysat her kids so you should have told her about the personal, criminal violations you experienced in the past.

This is the most disgusting thing I've ever read on MN.

My memories of SA were repressed for years, hence when we applied to adopt, we didn't inform SS about it. Did they worry about the fact that my abuse hadn't been mentioned? Of course they didn't. Because they could see that our DDs were well cared for.

Your friends know that you're a good parent and they have been happy for you to babysit their children. Are you suddenly a different person because of your past? Of course you're not. How horrible of them.

woollyheart · 01/01/2019 15:32

Sorry about your friends.
I hope they are ashamed of themselves.

But it sounds like they got more from you than they were willing to give.

Find yourself some more supportive friends in 2019!

pickingdaisies · 01/01/2019 15:36

Bless you OP. New year, new friends. Now that you've wiped the old ones off your shoes, I'm sure you'll find that there are lovely people out there who will be true friends. Ones who will see you as more than taxi driver and party organiser. And who will support you when you need it. Flowers

Original poster
LindaLa · 01/01/2019 16:02

@TheMaddHugger
Please accept a big fat bear hug (I don't do any other kind x

The lads made me lunch, it was interesting.
Noodles, sausages, salad and bread.

Apparently two of the 'kids' asked my son how I was and he just replied with "how do you expect"

OP posts:
Original poster
LindaLa · 01/01/2019 16:04

To all you fellow survivors big hugs.

The only thin that keeps going through my head is that "abused become abusers" shit.
It is certainly shit in my (and many others) case.

Maybe she's now questioning her kids?

OP posts:
DillyDilly · 01/01/2019 16:09

I very much doubt Lindala that any of these women are questioning their kids the way you suggest.

I’m sorry all this has happened but don’t play this out for the entertainment of the MM audience.

Original poster
LindaLa · 01/01/2019 16:12

@DillyDilly

Not playing anything.

Was just a thought in my head.

OP posts:
Veganforlife · 01/01/2019 16:21

Stupid cows .so glad to hear you dumped their stuff on the pavement .good luck moving on op..onwards and upwards to better friends

MaidenMotherCrone · 01/01/2019 16:33

What @dillydilly said.

FOTTOSOFTFOSM · 01/01/2019 16:46

They don't deserve you op. They are the lowest of the low to do this. Despicable behaviour.

UnleashTheBulsara · 01/01/2019 17:08

One thing you can bet your house on is that they won't be analysing their own behaviour and trying to understand where they went wrong.

People like your ex-friends wouldn't have the courage to try that, as they wouldn't be able to face up to how very wrong their behaviour was (and continues to be, because their denial of any wrongdoing is almost as bad). They are being unspeakably disgusting and don't want to own it. They are cowards.

OP Flowers

StoneofDestiny · 01/01/2019 17:22

I agree, shallow vicious people like that dare not look at their own reflections.

fanofleetwoodmac · 01/01/2019 17:24

What a time you've had OP. If I were you I'd be keen to move on and just close this off now and have a fresh 2019. No point rehashing the past and playing all of this out.. ..

MrsDannyRicc · 01/01/2019 17:32

WTAF. Someone had the cheek to think that somehow it was their right to know about your childhood trauma? That's astonishing.

It doesn't matter how close you are to someone, it's not up to anyone but you who you do or do not tell.

The absolute entitlement is shocking to me.

Lizzie48 · 01/01/2019 17:42

WTAF. Someone had the cheek to think that somehow it was their right to know about your childhood trauma? That's astonishing.

Sadly some people are like that. Everything must always be about them. Hmm

PossibiliTea · 01/01/2019 17:44

The whole thing, including people on MN reporting the thread, is just horrific! You are dealing with it all fabulously x

Original poster
LindaLa · 01/01/2019 17:45

Okay my lovelies.

I'm going to stop posting on here now.

I will, of course, update if there is any more on this but I do believe they are either thoroughly ashamed of themselves or they are trying to figure out why I'm so touchy.

Thank you all those who gave support and those who had some recognition in my situation. You're all awesome.

Mumsnet themselves maybe need to look at their guidelines.

OP posts:
Lellikelly26 · 01/01/2019 17:47

I’m so sorry you had to suffer that. They sound awful.

Butcowsdontgetmarried · 01/01/2019 17:56

How awful. I wish it wasn’t happening to you.
They clearly think attack is the best form of defence.

MissTerryShopper · 01/01/2019 18:01

OP what a great friend you have been to them and how despicable that friend has been to you (not sure about the others as they may have been just as disgusted with that friend)
I hope they are on MN and they read this and are so fucking ashamed.

billybagpuss · 01/01/2019 18:04

Very pleased your thread got reinstated Flowers