Fucking bitches

[LindaLa]

Up until very recently (last night), I had a group of 4 very close friends.

I recently had an upset of a childhood (sexual) trauma that I've told no one about. One of my friends was here when this happened and I opened up to her, she was supportive and i felt great, lighter.

Last night we all meet for drinks and exchange gifts. We all exchange various supermarket vouchers and have done since our "babies" were babies.

She makes a comment about a paedofile arrest made near her and then says "surprised you don't know him Linda, you were paedofile fodder"
Other people laugh and start questioning me about what happened.

She has told them everything.

I being questioned in a bar. A crowded bar.

I have grabbed my things and left.

Took their things out of my car and left them on the kerb.
I have blocked them. Everywhere.

I have been to supermarkets and spent all the vouchers, put it all in the food bank.

Fuck them.

You're worth so much more than them, happy new year. Hopefully with some new real friends

Leave them to stew in the storm of their own making. You've done nothing wrong, head up, loud and proud.

Hi all

Sorry that we didn't post last night (or the first time that this was removed).

The thread was pulled because we received an awful lot of reports and we wanted to take a closer look.

We reinstated the thread and contacted the OP last night because as far as we could see, there's nothing causing us concern (though we can never vouch for anyone on the internet).

@LilyMumsnet

Thanks for finally posting something.

Although, I had to ask for mn to contact me.

I also had to ask mn to comment on here.

I was going to post the "apologies for not contacting you totally our bad" email Fliss sent me.
There is no point.

They really need to stop deleting threads because some people decide they don't believe it. Who cares? It doesn't affect anyone. It's a public forum. If it's not hate speech then leave it up.

They refused to delete my own thread when I asked them too, so they shouldn't be deleting stuff when they've no reason other than a few reports from people who have no way of knowing anything about it.

I'm really shocked at this thread, both by the OP's so called friends and by the reaction here from mumsnet. And all the apology OP gets is a 'like yeah, soz'. And that's it?

The thing about trolls is that although it is a bad thing when people share things that are difficult, there is still the fact that the thread can help people even if the OP is less than honest about their intentions. I have posted unknowlingly on troll threads before but I don't regret it if has helped someone in the process.

Op so sorry you've been treated this way! Even by a stranger it's completely heartless and unacceptable never mind your friends, I can understand you must feel very hurt and even betrayed. Your friends sound quite selfish and sometimes that's the case unfortunately. stay strong and distance yourself from these people. You deserve loyalty and compassion from friends

JohnMcCainsDeathStare

I agree. Often deleted threads contain lots of good advice or suggestions of where to get help. Even if it doesn't apply to the OP it might well help someone else in the situation irl.

We are waiting for keyboard warriors to return. Frustrated mama's and all Wonder Women are welcome.

I didn't agree with the deletion at all, and I'm speaking as an SA survivor. It had been a very supportive thread, with posters stands together against the behaviour described by the OP. It was only later that the troll hunting started, but those posts were deleted.

I don't understand why some posters thought previously good friends wouldn't be so unkind. Anyone who has been a victim of bullying knows how nasty people can be, sadly. It also sounds as if these so-called friends were users rather than real friends.

Horrible, horrible, people!

I'm really pleased that your thread was reinstated
And I think you have been incredibly strong
Very best wishes for 2019 to you and your son

I'm glad to see you back Linda!

I got dumped by a friend this year for mentioning my history of csa (although I can't prove it)

It wasn't even a disclosure as such though. I casually mentioned it as part of a discussion on sex education in schools. She's a teacher and I work in support. We were talking about how we thought things could be improved etc and all I said was well I have a history of csa and I feel more knowledge for children so they have the skills to recognise and protect themselves because most children are taught about stranger danger but the reality is it's much more likely to be someone s child has met but we (education/society) have to find a way to do this without scaring them obviously

In that whole massive paragraph that's as much as I mentioned but her face sort of changed and I felt her attitude towards me subtly shift she hasn't wanted to see me since.

you have nothing to be ashamed about, those bitches don't deserve your friendship

Oh and to you teacher friend, if your an mn'r you with all your training should have known better!

Sorry OP but your ex friends sound like complete gossip ghouls who enjoy other people's misfortune. They are utter c*nts and you will be much better off without them. Hope 2019 is a good year for you.

Glad your thread is back Linda.

Ignore the troll hunters some peole just love to be gfs.

Hope you have an.awesome 2019. You have got off to a good start ditching the selfish ignorant cows you dont need in your life. Spend your energy on you and your family from now on. You are bloody amazing and so is your son.

Your friends are paedophile apologists
They may just as well be handmaidens for paedophiles

I would be tempted to turn this back around on them and ask them why they're so keen to protect paedophiles and blame and shame victims
Their behaviour is disturbing and predatory

In that whole massive paragraph that's as much as I mentioned but her face sort of changed and I felt her attitude towards me subtly shift she hasn't wanted to see me since

How dreadful for you 😓
we expect that when someone hears we've been through terrible trauma they will automatically feel sympathy and caring towards us, it's a horrible shock to realise that this is not what they feel
I wonder what is really going on in the mind of the other person in this instance?
I suspect that they just lump together the victim and the abuser and see them as equally stained, as if you are forever tainted by this sin against you and people don't want to be associated with you as if it's a kind of infectious disease.
I don't know I'm just trying to deconstruct what's going on here
it's so painful and so awful, it just becomes a horrible pit of shame that people are afraid of

Why on earth would a teacher not want to be near someone who was sexually abused as a child? Do they blame the child? If so they need to be removed from teaching to never return. How disgusting. Guarantee they will have a child in their class who is being hurt. The fact they would turn away in disgust makes me feel sick.

Reminds me of Jessica Eaton’s fantastic work one victim blaming - we have a long way to go.

OP I love your attitude - they don’t deserve you. Here’s to better friends in 2019

To be honest I'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt and hope that she just "got the fear"

It's a thing that for most people is far away and too dreadful to think about and too scary to think that it could get near your life/family so having someone in front of you that proves it is real and is close to you can send some people into panic mode, it's too much for them to comprehend so they (emotionally) flee. Then they can't be near you because they don't see you anymore they see "the fear"

Either that or she's just a complete twat!

I'm not bothered really, I feel not even a tiny amount of shame, it's part of my history, I don't shout about it but I don't hide it either (when it's particularly relevant) in the same way someone wouldn't not share that their parents divorced or they had an accident as a child or there was a car crash or house fire etc and if some people can't handle that then I don't want them in my life!

Anyway Linda sorry if your thread has been hijacked I was trying to show that it's not you (it can't be because it happens to others) it's well and truly bloody them!

So glad that you got (mostly) the support in here you needed and that your ds and friends were home.

Good for you for not putting up with what they did. Totally unforgivable.

Thank you all for your positive messages since being reinstated.

Although I'm still pretty upset with how mn treated my thread, I'm hoping it hasn't put others off of posting for support.

@Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom
She's just vile.

Some people just pull away and make the person feel more alone.

This is why people don't tell.

What's wrong with saying "I don't know what to say but if you tell me what you need, I'll be there"
That's what I say because it's what I want.

Sometimes it's talking (about nothing), sometimes it keep me busy, sometimes just silent support.

Rarely get it though.

I think some people have a kind of predatory instinct, they can smell someone who has already been victimized and it makes them want to give another kick to the victim

Or perhaps they're just very immature and self absorbed