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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To Think Somethings Going On?

151 replies

DoraBella88 · 29/12/2018 14:27

I can't shake the feeling something has gone on with DH and a co-worker. I'm sorry this is going to be a bit of a long read :( Please tell me IBU...

DH works in a male dominated place with only a few females there. A few weeks ago at a country fair we bumped in to one of the younger girls (10yrs younger than DH). DH introduced us and we spent some time with her. She seemed lovely and we chatted for a bit.

Fast forward to the next encounter. This was another fair and DH spotted her there with a friend in the beer tent. She was dancing with a friend right in front of us and DH couldn't stop looking over to her. She didn't seem to spot us so we didn't say hello. Instead we went out for a wander around the grounds. Shortly after I spotted them again (I should add there was a few hundred people here) This time she was whispering in her friends ear whilst her friend stared at us laughing. Now i'm quite insecure so did think they were talking about us but who knows.
Anyway, in a nut shell, both times i left my DH to go to the loos I would come back to find this girl chatting to him. As soon as i would get back to him she would leave. We left shortly after and I told him i found it strange that she only came to see him when i left him and that with all those people there how strange it was every time i turned around she was in our eye line. I also found it annoying how DH couldn't stop looking at her dancing right in front of us all night. I literally had to remind him where the band we were watching were.

I spoke to a friend about it and as all girls do they asked me if she was pretty. So i found her on DH FB page to show her.
A few days later i went to look for her again and he was no longer friends with her? I then decided to do a naughty thing and look on the Ipad at his FB messenger App... Strangely enough he had deleted it? We share the Ipad but i rarely use it so its always logged in to his account and the messenger app was on there a week before hand....

I've confronted DH and he doesn't know why she deleted him but he just says its in my head and nothings going on. I want to believe him, but i feel I will never know the truth.

What would you think in this rambling of a situation...

OP posts:

NameChangeOhNameChange1 · 29/12/2018 14:31

Do you trust your husband?

Original poster

DoraBella88 · 29/12/2018 14:34

I do trust him - I don't trust her.

She was so different towards me than the first time we met and it just seemed that every time i turned around she was there. So why wait for me to leave him alone before she went over to see him, then leave the second i get back?

I am insecure and i do overthink... But this just isn't adding up and not sitting comfortably with me?

OP posts:

Nicknacky · 29/12/2018 14:37

Maybe she senses a vibe from you and knows you don’t trust her? She probably deleted him as she knew it would lead to hassle. Which it has.

And it’s irrelevant if you don’t trust a complete stranger.

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 29/12/2018 14:39

Are you sure she has unfriended him and not just blocked you? Or are you able to see her profile still?

Whisky2014 · 29/12/2018 14:40

Can you get on his facebook and Look at his activity log? Some people don't know to clear that. If you get on it it might say ge deleted her and then you've caught him out since he said she deleted him.
It is weird the apps were deleted and I'd feel sick seeing him stare at her.

Doesnt look good to me, sorry.

recklessruby · 29/12/2018 14:42

It could be her doing all the running and mistaking dh s normal friendliness with colleagues for something more.
I don't know how old you or she are but she sounds young and young girls are often silly and giggly with their friends. Because you are worried you are super alert and maybe seeing things that aren't there?
If she's got a bit of a thing for your dh it doesn't mean he feels the same. Could be he had a word and that's why she deleted him from Facebook?

Jellybabie3 · 29/12/2018 14:43

Did you ask him why he deleted the app?

Original poster

DoraBella88 · 29/12/2018 14:47

She is 20 and DH is 31. I'm 30. I asked him how she acts towards him at work and he said they have banter and take the piss out of each other. I told him that's how 20yr olds flirt!

Recklessruby - i do think you've hit the nail on the head. I am super alert now and looking in to it.

Yes i threw his Ipad at him questioning about the app. He said he deleted it to speed it up as it has been going slow. It just seemed odd it was that one and not any of the other crap he had on there.

I can still access her profile - she has blocked DH.

OP posts:

Omzlas · 29/12/2018 14:49

Something doesn't sit right but maybe it's nothing as sinister as you maybe feel

Could be that she's tried it on with your DH and he's rebuffed her but hiding it because of your insecurities?

Original poster

DoraBella88 · 29/12/2018 14:49

Whiskey2014 - He gave me his Ipad to look through (god I know i sound awful there) and there were no conversations on there between them but she has definitely blocked him. Shes still friends with other work friends so why block him? I can still get to her profile.

Yes I was getting very annoyed about him staring at her. Lost count of the amount of times I had to remind him where the stage was

OP posts:

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 29/12/2018 14:50

It's weird she has blocked him if there is something going on. But then, why did he stare at her for ages?

I don't know if yabu or not tbh, it's all too mixed up!

illbethereforyou · 29/12/2018 14:52

Sorry OP this doesn't look great. You say she has blocked him on FB. People don't just block work colleagues for no apparent reason? There has been some sort of argument between them.

Whisky2014 · 29/12/2018 14:52

Years ago I had an affair with a married man. I decided it was over and I deleted him. He told me later his wife had gone through his friends list and went ballistic when she realised I wasn't on it anymore. It was suspicious and she was right.

Jellybabie3 · 29/12/2018 14:52

Hmm I dunno. There are lots of potential scenarios....as pp said, maybe she's the one pursuing him and he's told her to back off. Maybe he did something and regrets it so told her to back off..or maybe he knows you are worried so has tried to cut ties before anything could happen...or may be you are over worrying. I always go with my gut. Do you think he would have done anything? Was there real opportunity for him to? Work do? Late nights? Protective over his phone?

illbethereforyou · 29/12/2018 14:55

Also deleting messenger is very suspicious? Do they have each other's numbers? If not maybe your Husband has removed the messenger app to stop all contact? Strange thing to do if she has already blocked him though? Possibly deleted messenger app to get rid of all evidence.

Thewifipasswordis · 29/12/2018 14:55

If he wasn't before he's probably considering it now I'd have gone mad at him if my husband had ever acted like you have.

PolaDeVeboise · 29/12/2018 14:55

It's strange that you say it's her you don't trust. If you totally trust your OH, then you have absolutely nothing to worry about.

Lazypuppy · 29/12/2018 14:56

@DoraBella88

I asked him how she acts towards him at work and he said they have banter and take the piss out of each other. I told him that's how 20yr olds flirt!

Oh don't be silly, that's how everyone in my team (male and female) talk to eachother! And every team i've ever worked in.

Moonstoned · 29/12/2018 14:56

Honestly, OP, I’m not sure I would feel comfortable talking to a colleague out of work if his wife was standing alongside giving me the evils, having decided I was the office Mata Hari or something, so perhaps not unrelated that they talked most when you weren’t present. I met my closest friend at work, but I have no relationship with his wife, any more than he does with my husband.

And you say you trust him, but most of what irked you was him staring at her, which is not her fault.

Lazypuppy · 29/12/2018 14:57

It's strange that you say it's her you don't trust. If you totally trust your OH, then you have absolutely nothing to worry about.

^^^ this!!!

SOSHelp · 29/12/2018 14:58

You say you trust him yet don't trust her. Yet he was the one oogling at a young woman all night while his wife was right there. He is the one with loyalty to you, not her. He is the 31 year old MAN, and fully in charge of his actions.

My guess is he fancies her - most hot blooded straight men will find a 20 year old attractive as long as she's no overweight or hideously deformed. But finding someone attractive is one thing, going further than that is another.

The fact they have unfriended each other does not look good. It's possible they've been having a laugh at work but this has turned to flirtation - very easy to happen when you're spending 9 hours together every day at work.

I wouldn't let this lie if I were you. Keep pushing him for an explanation.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 29/12/2018 15:00

Sounds dodgy to me I’m afraid. Blocking is (IME) the kind of thing 20 year olds do after a row or a flounce.

But you say you trust him. It’s not relevant whether you trust her.

tessiegirl · 29/12/2018 15:00

I would be suspicious too op tbh.
Have you asked if he finds her attractive? What was his reaction?

Original poster

DoraBella88 · 29/12/2018 15:03

Moonstoned - our first meeting we got on great. We literally spent the whole time chatting so there certainly wasn’t any giving the evils. We have a lot in common with our interests etc so it was a complete shock for her to be so distant with me. I assure you no evils were given... before this I didn’t have any concerns...

Lazypuppy - I’m aware I may seem “silly”. Hence my admission that I am an insecure person who overthinks.

OP posts:

MoaningSickness · 29/12/2018 15:03

I think you can get a 'feel' for the relationship people have from subconscious body language. If the way they were interacting seems off to you, it probably was.

They might not have done anything (yet), but from the way he's acting I'd say he wants to. Sorry.

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