To Think Somethings Going On?

[DoraBella88]

I can't shake the feeling something has gone on with DH and a co-worker. I'm sorry this is going to be a bit of a long read :( Please tell me IBU...

DH works in a male dominated place with only a few females there. A few weeks ago at a country fair we bumped in to one of the younger girls (10yrs younger than DH). DH introduced us and we spent some time with her. She seemed lovely and we chatted for a bit.

Fast forward to the next encounter. This was another fair and DH spotted her there with a friend in the beer tent. She was dancing with a friend right in front of us and DH couldn't stop looking over to her. She didn't seem to spot us so we didn't say hello. Instead we went out for a wander around the grounds. Shortly after I spotted them again (I should add there was a few hundred people here) This time she was whispering in her friends ear whilst her friend stared at us laughing. Now i'm quite insecure so did think they were talking about us but who knows.
Anyway, in a nut shell, both times i left my DH to go to the loos I would come back to find this girl chatting to him. As soon as i would get back to him she would leave. We left shortly after and I told him i found it strange that she only came to see him when i left him and that with all those people there how strange it was every time i turned around she was in our eye line. I also found it annoying how DH couldn't stop looking at her dancing right in front of us all night. I literally had to remind him where the band we were watching were.

I spoke to a friend about it and as all girls do they asked me if she was pretty. So i found her on DH FB page to show her.
A few days later i went to look for her again and he was no longer friends with her? I then decided to do a naughty thing and look on the Ipad at his FB messenger App... Strangely enough he had deleted it? We share the Ipad but i rarely use it so its always logged in to his account and the messenger app was on there a week before hand....

I've confronted DH and he doesn't know why she deleted him but he just says its in my head and nothings going on. I want to believe him, but i feel I will never know the truth.

What would you think in this rambling of a situation...

The fairs we go to all the time, I’ve only ever seen her at the two we went to and like i said, we hit it off at the first show as share similar interests. We’ve been going to all these fairs for the past 10yrs. If he wanted to see her there I doubt he would of taken me along

Tumtimes - that’s exactly how I feel. I feel there’s something there but I don’t suspect an affair. Maybe they both fancy each other? I genuinely feel i will never know?
I’ve questioned him and he says there’s nothing. I’ve told him it doesn’t look good with the blocking and the deleting of the app and he agrees it looks bad but says it’s nothing?

Sounds like you’ve talked yourself out of thinking there’s anything going on now? I found your posts quite odd (really don’t mean that unkindly) But you don’t sound like you trust your instincts or have much faith in yourself at all by this thread x

I agree with pp. You sound worried and then a little defensive that he would do anything.

I hope you are OK OP. Very sorry you are going through this

He sounds like he is manipulating you and you would rather blame your insecurities. Trust your instincts. He stared at her all night while you were standing right there. That says even more to me than the facebook stuff.

Steam rallies? Are you steam punks? If so, that's cool : )

Can you check his normal messages and WhatsApp and email?

Are you 100% sure she has blocked him and not just deleted Facebook?

Sounds like she's gone to the fairs on purpose to see your DH?

What 20 year old takes her mate to a steam rally?

TeddyBearBabies - I feel drained and confused. I know that it’s not all in my head but I can’t understand why he would do this. I just don’t know.

Steam rallies - vintage steam engines and tractors. A hobby of ours (how embarrassing to admit that lol)

You need to get his phone. Can you not just ask to see it and check his whatsapp etc? And secret conversations in fb messenger.

I was just thinking that halfwitpicker seems a very unlikely event for a 20 year old to go to

I'd probably ask DH to message her while we were both sat there and ask why she had blocked him. I imagine the reply would tell you what you need to know. Mind you, I couldn't be with the kind of person who eyes up potential conquests while you are stood with them. My DH hasn't done this once in the 25 years we've been together and I think it's totally unacceptable.

I do trust him - I don't trust her. O give over and stop making excuses for him.

He could have secret conversations enabled on his messenger so that it only appears on one device. However I don't think it even matters as by now he will have deleted anything from his phone anyway. Sorry OP I hope you get some closure either way.

You can still look at his messages even if the app has been deleted. If you google “Facebook desktop” on the iPad, it’ll come up with a link to the desktop version, and you can view messages that way. Providing he’s logged into FB on the iPad though

I know the feeling! I can’t offer much apart from trying to connect with yourself somehow. Maybe work on your self esteem / do some meditation. You keep saying ‘I know I’m insecure’ well that can change. Maybe do some things that will empower you.

Any hobby is a wonderful thing, nothing embarrassing 💐

No young women would want to be going to steam rallies unless they were working there in some capacity.

Can you not just ask to see it and check his whatsapp etc?

I never trust someone’s who hands over their phone like this - I would’ve let my ex see my phone often (and I did have to sometimes), but he never would’ve found a thing. Especially now when she has asked him about it. The only way to see his phone is when he really isn’t expecting it.

Steam rallies are quite a big thing round here. Everyone goes!

Just out of interest how wouldn’t he have seen a thing?! Say the OM happened to message at that time? @crispysausagerolls. Just being nosy!!

TeddybearBaby

There was a specific emoji I used to send the OM (now my DH) which meant “don’t text anymore”. So as soon as my ex was in the room or flat or whatever I sent it and cleared out the chat. And then I KNEW he wouldn’t text until I did. And I used to clear message by message as I went so if ex saw my conversation with him it wasn’t suspiciously empty or ever obvious I had deleted messages, because there would always be innocent new messages etc.

OP you seem to want to think the 20 yr old has designs on your innocent DH - but HE was stood blatantly watching HER dance, not the other way round.

Trust your gut. It's instinctive. Sorry, but I think she's gone to the steam rally's because of your DP. And I can't help thinking that the reason she's blocked him is because she's pissed off with him?

Has he started taking an interest in his appearance lately? Started dressing differently? Going to the Gym?

Thank you everyone. If I’m honest I’m even more confused now.

No H hasn’t changed anything. I’m not being mean to him but he’s not the fittest of men either.

My gut tells me she has a thing for him and he’s enjoying the attention of a young attractive girl. Maybe encouraging it if he’s enjoying it? I don’t think anything has happened as they work in different areas at work and you really can’t get alone time there.

He’s handed his phone and fb over and I’ve found nothing suspicious. I’m just angry as I feel this whole situation is driving me crazy!

When I confronted him about staring at her he just said it because she was being funny. When I say dancing I mean like country / rock dancing. So not exactly sexy dancing (that’s not me making excuses, he was still ogling her)