To Think Somethings Going On?

[DoraBella88]

I can't shake the feeling something has gone on with DH and a co-worker. I'm sorry this is going to be a bit of a long read :( Please tell me IBU...

DH works in a male dominated place with only a few females there. A few weeks ago at a country fair we bumped in to one of the younger girls (10yrs younger than DH). DH introduced us and we spent some time with her. She seemed lovely and we chatted for a bit.

Fast forward to the next encounter. This was another fair and DH spotted her there with a friend in the beer tent. She was dancing with a friend right in front of us and DH couldn't stop looking over to her. She didn't seem to spot us so we didn't say hello. Instead we went out for a wander around the grounds. Shortly after I spotted them again (I should add there was a few hundred people here) This time she was whispering in her friends ear whilst her friend stared at us laughing. Now i'm quite insecure so did think they were talking about us but who knows.
Anyway, in a nut shell, both times i left my DH to go to the loos I would come back to find this girl chatting to him. As soon as i would get back to him she would leave. We left shortly after and I told him i found it strange that she only came to see him when i left him and that with all those people there how strange it was every time i turned around she was in our eye line. I also found it annoying how DH couldn't stop looking at her dancing right in front of us all night. I literally had to remind him where the band we were watching were.

I spoke to a friend about it and as all girls do they asked me if she was pretty. So i found her on DH FB page to show her.
A few days later i went to look for her again and he was no longer friends with her? I then decided to do a naughty thing and look on the Ipad at his FB messenger App... Strangely enough he had deleted it? We share the Ipad but i rarely use it so its always logged in to his account and the messenger app was on there a week before hand....

I've confronted DH and he doesn't know why she deleted him but he just says its in my head and nothings going on. I want to believe him, but i feel I will never know the truth.

What would you think in this rambling of a situation...

No I don’t have his password. I discovered the deleted app and confronted him and after I re downloaded it in front of him made him put his password in.

Sorry to say but this could have just been very lucky timing for your DH or they have had a fight so he knows there would be nothing there

As far as confronting him goes - i think you've done/said as much as you can. He's either telling the truth, or lying. Obviously. But YKWIM. If you don't believe what he's telling you there's no point in asking him anything else.

He knows you're suspicious. Your cards are on the table. You could ask her what's gone on. But what will you do if she says 'nothing'? What will you do if she says he's been trying to start something?

I think you need to give yourself a bit of thinking and calming down time right now. Eat, drink, try and rest.

You don’t trust him. It is inconsequential whether he did something with this woman or not (unlikely).
You have to decide whether you can remain in the relationship feeling as you do, or the fact you don’t trust him has irreparably damaged the relationship you had.
Personally the moment I started looking for “evidence” of an affair would tell me my relationship was over.

I'd insist he downloads all his Facebook info.

How do you know she blocked him? Perhaps she deactivated her account? If she did that then she wouldn't appear in his friends list anymore.

How is your relationship in other areas ?? X

Christ, will everyone saying how do you know she blocked him RTFT. The OP has explained numerous times

I'd want to find out if she's deactivated her FB account. Because that's quite important.

I'm not good at FB. How could OP do that?

I would let it go. But in a couple of weeks check his phone again, call history, texts, photos, apps, the lot. Look for apps hidden in files too. I’m the same as you, an over thinker but this would bug the crap out of me. I’m quite a direct person and would have probably contacted her tbh but as they work together I can see that that is problematic.

She hasn't de-activated her FB profile as OP can find her by searching from her own FB so if this girl isn't showing up at all when searching from OP's husbands profile then he has been blocked by the girl.

''That’s when I realised he was blocked, as I couldn’t find her on his account but could on mine''.

Ah -this bit was about FB. So she's not deactivated it. Apologies.

Could you then just message her and ask why she blocked him??

Why does he say she blocked him?

Re. messaging her - i'd want to ask the whole world what they knew. Her and everyone in the work place! I'd be like a headless chicken tying to find out what the fuck had gone on ...

However - on reflection it's better at this stage to not cast your nets out like that. You won't be able to believe her (or anyone else) any more than you believe your own husband and it will be humiliating for you. You might end up regretting it a lot.

I too am beginning to think more that there's some other issues in this relationship. It's almost gaslighting-by-dint-of-utilising-OPs-anxiety (if that makes any sense!!).

I wonder if he does this at other times in other scenarios and it is just an ongoing, not noticed before, repeating pattern (sorry OP if it's not correct, but it's noticeable that he's not really helped reassure you has he - especially for someone who's so 'aware of' your insecurity/anxiety.... Is it aware of or using your insecurity/anxiety.

I agree with a PP, take some time to just digest what you know so far and how you feel etc. Come back to it a bit fresher.

gaslighting-by-dint-of-utilising-OPs-anxiety

It makes complete sense.

Causing self doubt and then playing on any anxiety is text book gas lighting.

Newmun- it’s great in all other areas. It’s just this one thing that’s happened. Nothing like this has ever been a concern for me.

I would message her but they work together and I know a lot of his work friends and socialise regularly with them. So don’t want them thinking I’m some crazy bitch who’s completely got the wrong end of the stick and it gets out at his work.

If you noticed him ogling her, she probably noticed it too and then blocked him. It sounds like it’s nothing more than that tbh. No offence but I really don’t think a young woman would be chasing a ‘not very fit’ man 10 yrs her senior. It sounds like there’s been no time for him to have conducted an actual affair.

You’re not insecure something is wrong

Sorry if I'm being thick but did she know about you before you all met that day or was she under the impression he was single and your appearance came as a shock to her and hence she has blocked him?

I’m sure she knew about me as they also work with a very close friend of ours who attended our wedding and my Hs fb profile picture is from our wedding

Thanks for the insight @crispysausagerolls. Hope everything works out op x

I haven't read the whole thread but came to add in my story.
I had a friend I had known for ages. Through his marriage and divorce and a beginning if the new relationship. His (now) wife was paranoid and insecure and would not let him see me or stay in touch with me even though I lived a thousand miles away from them and we met up occasionally when I visited my parents.
In the end, I blocked him on every social media possible as I was fed up with her shit stirring for no reason. It was shame to loose a friend but I have no time for crazy partners.

Well is he out a lot? Is there time for him to be having an affair?