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AIBU?

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Original poster

To Think Somethings Going On?

151 replies

DoraBella88 · 29/12/2018 14:27

I can't shake the feeling something has gone on with DH and a co-worker. I'm sorry this is going to be a bit of a long read :( Please tell me IBU...

DH works in a male dominated place with only a few females there. A few weeks ago at a country fair we bumped in to one of the younger girls (10yrs younger than DH). DH introduced us and we spent some time with her. She seemed lovely and we chatted for a bit.

Fast forward to the next encounter. This was another fair and DH spotted her there with a friend in the beer tent. She was dancing with a friend right in front of us and DH couldn't stop looking over to her. She didn't seem to spot us so we didn't say hello. Instead we went out for a wander around the grounds. Shortly after I spotted them again (I should add there was a few hundred people here) This time she was whispering in her friends ear whilst her friend stared at us laughing. Now i'm quite insecure so did think they were talking about us but who knows.
Anyway, in a nut shell, both times i left my DH to go to the loos I would come back to find this girl chatting to him. As soon as i would get back to him she would leave. We left shortly after and I told him i found it strange that she only came to see him when i left him and that with all those people there how strange it was every time i turned around she was in our eye line. I also found it annoying how DH couldn't stop looking at her dancing right in front of us all night. I literally had to remind him where the band we were watching were.

I spoke to a friend about it and as all girls do they asked me if she was pretty. So i found her on DH FB page to show her.
A few days later i went to look for her again and he was no longer friends with her? I then decided to do a naughty thing and look on the Ipad at his FB messenger App... Strangely enough he had deleted it? We share the Ipad but i rarely use it so its always logged in to his account and the messenger app was on there a week before hand....

I've confronted DH and he doesn't know why she deleted him but he just says its in my head and nothings going on. I want to believe him, but i feel I will never know the truth.

What would you think in this rambling of a situation...

OP posts:
gimmeadoughnut123 · 29/12/2018 15:10

Can you not speak to him about how uncomfortable you felt when you see her the second time and get a feel for his reaction?

Original poster
DoraBella88 · 29/12/2018 15:12

I spoke to him and he just says there’s nothing going on. He says it’s my insecurities. But the deleted app and blocking on FB just made it all worse.

I know I’m hugely insecure.

OP posts:
Moonstoned · 29/12/2018 15:16

I’m not talking about the first time you met, OP. It sounds as if on the second occasion you were visibly insecure and policing their interaction, which may have contributed to a weird vibe.

Coldtoes28 · 29/12/2018 15:18

Something isn't right. You know that, I think. Either she's been into him or there's been something going on. Sorry OP. X

crispysausagerolls · 29/12/2018 15:22

I always post on these threads to say (sorry if you’ve read before) that I had an “affair” on an ex once with my now DH. And I know the lengths cheaters go to - if you haven’t had an affair you will never really understand just how devious and underhanded a person can be. The deletion of fb messenger is a HUGE red flag. HUGE. As is her deleting him. Exactly the sort of shit I would have done. As well as silencing notifications on his phone (search his settings for that), changing her name in his phone to a friend’s name etc

Handsoffmysweets · 29/12/2018 15:22

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request

illbethereforyou · 29/12/2018 15:33

Please don't let your husband blame this situation on your 'insecurities'. Your 'insecurities' did not 1. delete his messenger app and 2. they certainly did not block him from her FB account. Those are facts and not in your mind. To use your insecurities against you to try and save his own skin is disgusting.

Original poster
DoraBella88 · 29/12/2018 15:35

Moonstoned - I understand what you mean.

Crispysausagerolls - I don’t get the feeling this is an affair. I get the feeling she might be in to him and he’s enjoying the attention. Hence when I say I trust him but feel crazy at the same time.

Something doesn’t sit right, but at the same time, I don’t think DH has done anything with her.

I don’t know - overthinking sucks Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
DoraBella88 · 29/12/2018 15:38

Illbethereforyou - this is what I mean. I’m fully aware of my insecurities etc and can see how I can appear to put 2 and 2 together and come up with 5. But it is the deleted app and blocking which has made this situation worse. I shouldn’t of looked on that damn IPad. Like I said, I never use it anyway but knew it was only recently deleted.

In regards to people commenting about his phone. Neither of us look at each others phones so I couldn’t say if there’s anything suspicious on there

OP posts:
Whisky2014 · 29/12/2018 15:42

I agree with crispy and it was something I did when havung the affair.
We also downloaded an app that was for messaging secretly. There were no notifications and you just hate to type a 4 digit pin code on the "make a call" section and it knew to open this secret messaging service. So sneaky but meant there was no trace of any messages anywhere. I think I did have a setting on it that made my phone flash a light as an indicator to me that there was a message but no one would know what it meant.

WWWWicked · 29/12/2018 15:48

How do you know it was her that deleted him, and not the other way round?

Maybe he deleted her at the same time he deleted his messenger app, to try and ensure there’s no trace of any messages for you to find?

Or you know, maybe she just decided to delete the creepy guy from work that couldn’t stop ogling her at the fair?

Odd that you say you trust your DH but not her, when all of the shady behaviour has come from him.

ShalomJackie · 29/12/2018 15:50

I bet he still has messenger on his phone!!

XiCi · 29/12/2018 15:54

Your DH has got a fucking cheek blaming this on you being insecure when he blatantly stood in front of you perving at this woman dancing, despite you bringing it to his attention more than once. So disrespectful to you and her, I'd have left him to it, he was making a fool out of both of you. If a married man 10 years older than me from the office was perving on me then I would block him too, there's no mystery about why that would happen! If he can't keep his eyes off her in front of his wife can you imagine what he's like with her when you're not there!!

thisismeusernameything · 29/12/2018 15:54

Why did you go to the two fairs you went to? We’re they DHs idea?

To me it looks like your DH has a bit of a crush and has actively been presuming this girl. Following her to fairs etc.

She’s blocked him because he’s actively pursuing her.

Lifeisabeach09 · 29/12/2018 15:55

If he is staring at her on a night out, I'd say he fancies her. It sounds like mutual attraction.
Maybe, they hit it off at the Xmas party.
Either way, judging from their behaviour, something's up.

As for not trusting her, of course. You can't trust someone you don't know.
It's your DH you don't (or shouldn't) trust.

Jellybabie3 · 29/12/2018 15:55

@Whisky2014 I had no idea these things existed Confused

Wheresthebeach · 29/12/2018 15:57

The deleting is odd...

The staring is creepy....

Maybe she's deleted him because he's staring at her all the time and it's freaking her out.

whiskeysourpuss · 29/12/2018 15:57

Or you know, maybe she just decided to delete the creepy guy from work that couldn’t stop ogling her at the fair?

This!

I deleted & blocked my ex-boss because he had a thing for me & would send me random & at times completely inappropriate shit on FB messenger in the hope that I'd respond (I never did) but I kept all my other colleagues as friends.

It's irrelevant whether or not you trust her as long as you trust your OH but the basic fact is that you don't or you wouldn't think there was something going on.

RoboticSealpup · 29/12/2018 15:58

he can't keep his eyes off her in front of his wife can you imagine what he's like with her when you're not there!!

Completely agree... Sorry, OP, it doesn't look good.

DragginBallsEEEE · 29/12/2018 15:58

Maybe he's been chasing her and she was whispering to her friend about it and has approached him while you were away to ask him to stop. And has no blocked him on fb to stop him messaging her?

Sorry I know that's not what you want to hear but it is just another angle.

Original poster
DoraBella88 · 29/12/2018 15:58

Whisky - that’s crazy you can get messaging apps like that! I would never of thought that

I know it was her who blocked him as he gave me his FB and I checked his blocked list.

I re-downloaded his messenger and there were no conversations between them, that’s why I went to look for her profile as I knew if I opened the send a message any previous messages would come up. That’s when I realised he was blocked, as I couldn’t find her on his account but could on mine.

I just feel deep down I know he wouldn’t do that to me, but feel like there’s some things he can’t explain

OP posts:
Original poster
DoraBella88 · 29/12/2018 16:04

The fairs (well steam rallies) we got to every year. So it’s normal for us to be there.

I can see it may seem my H is pestering her. But I saw the interactions from a distance and it didn’t seem uncomfortable, like someone telling someone to back off?

OP posts:
Whisky2014 · 29/12/2018 16:04

Maybe just watch quietly for a while but be on the lookout.

Yeh i agree it's crazy the kind of things that are available to carry out affairs. I would never have thought of it, he told me about it and we agreed to use it.

Tumtimes1 · 29/12/2018 16:05

There is ‘something’ going on. Not saying an affair or anything major. But something. But what?
This just can’t be completely nothing regardless of what went on of which I doubt you will ever find out. This is not nothing you simply don’t block someone for no reason. You unfollow or delete.
Check his Fb activity.
Check messenger on his phone.

XiCi · 29/12/2018 16:06

Do you think he has been finding out where she is going to be from her social media so she has blocked him? Was it his idea to go to both of these shows? Sounds from your OP that he actively sought her out at the second show and was trying to get her attention and it's only when she was ignoring him that you both went for a wander. I don't understand why you trust him but not her when he seems to be the one being inappropriate.