To ask religious MIL to respect our views?

[Namedilema123]

PIL are Christians. DH is atheist. Im not atheist but not religious at all and find it all a bit culty.

MIL is always talking about Jesus and God to my 4yo and 2yo. She plays religious nursery rhymes when she looks after them. For Christmas has bought them a Childs First Bible and Child's First Prayer Book. How do i broach this subject? It makes me feel so uncomfortable. Its not so much the religion itself but more it being taught as blind fact, rather than just stories or that some people believe it, others don't. would be much happier if other religions were spoken about too. Or AIBU?

Why don't you explain that some people believe, others don't? I can't see what MIL has really done wrong that you can't mention something about yourself? You could also talk about other religions at that point if you want to.

My grandmother was deeply religious and did the same to us as kids and we weren’t even christened. I am not religious and never really have been.

I absolutely adored my grandmother though and she was easily the person I have loved most in my life.

That’s pretty rude of her. I’m assuming she knows you and her son don’t believe? Could your husband tell her to not buy religious presents in future? Tell her you’re just going to put them away if she does.

I think you should just leave it tbh, at 2 and 4 they aren't going to be avidly reading the Bible. When they go to school they will be taken to church etc and have religious assemblies and I would imagine that school will be a bigger influence than your MIL. It's an opportunity to explain that people believe different things

I think this is one of the things grandparents are useful for. My late FIL gave our children a living example of what a Christian was like- he told them Bible stories, took them to Church with him and generally let them see what a Christian life was like. He also bought them Barbies and Action Men so that we didn’t have too They adored him, and with their atheist home life and his Christian one- they got a good balanced view.

I would leave it. Far worse things she could be doing.

You need to shut it down. The grandparents either respect your parenting decisions or they don’t see the kids unsupervised. We have two sets of deeply religious grandparents. At no point have they tried to indoctrinate DD. They know we Have strong opinions on the subject.

We have not neglected cultural education. Dd is fully aware of the key stories behind assorted religions. We as her parents explained that some people do sincerely believe in these stories and we should always be polite about that. Now that she is older, We have explained some of the danger of religion, but also made it clear that if she wants to explore a religion we will do our absolute best to support her. That is our decision as parents. The grandparents do not get a say.

But you do have to be very careful she isn’t doing any guilt tripping or talking about hell- there are those that do.

My mum does this though DH and I are open atheists. In terms of books etc I try to leave her to it, though I don't allow her to take the kids to church, which is something I will do myself when I feel they are ready to discuss the experience.

I take it as an opportunity to discuss the topic of other people's various beliefs with them, our own opinions etc. In general I try to talk up science at home - introduced kids books on how the earth came to be, how things works, evolution and don't shy away from taking in a simple straightforward way about death. I try to explain what our views are and that it will be for them to decide for themselves what their own opinions are, while highlighting that what is most important is to be respectful of others regardless.

YABU. She is giving your children the opportunity to explore spirituality and religion. What if one of your children chooses to be religious/spiritual? Surely by denying them exposure to religion or telling it is not truth is as bad as not giving them an option to leave a religion. You are choosing atheism for them. Also, as children most teachings they will receive will likely be focussed on topics such as being kind to others etc so hardly cult. Your PIL are helping them develop spiritual awareness and you should try not to deny them that option. What are you afraid is going to happen? Your DH turned out alright didn't he with religious parents otherwise why you marry him?

Leave it if you can. I fully understand every religion and not believing... ok there must be cults but overall. It might get worse in years to come if they are really devoted. But if you want to keep peace I consider these things so far quite harmless all in all.

I think it all depends on how far she goes. I enjoyed reading the bible as a child but never attended church and was never Christened. I think all knowledge is good.

However, if her values and principles are shaped by religious doctrine that you disagree with, you may wish to have a chat about the appropriateness of discussing it in front of the children. I once had a very upset 3 year old who was told that his Great Aunt wouldn't get into heaven unless he prayed for her but he didn't know how to pray. So whilst a certain amount of religious and cultural sharing is not a bad thing, be watchful for any nonsense being disguised as fact.

You are choosing atheism for them

^^I think this is also fine though. everyone who raises their child to a particular religious belief does the same. No reason for atheist parents to not do the same.

I don't see the problem. My mum's family are very religious, she goes to church every week but as soon as I was old enough to express an opinion I didn't go. If I (and your dh) can reach my own conclusion with a church going parent I'm sure your two can do the same when it's only your Mil talking about it.

Urgh I would hate this. I told my DC when they could first understand that god is not real but some people are believers in various deities. I would definitely have a word with her.

I wouldn't mind them telling them about Christianity and teaching them Christian values, but I must admit, I'd not be comfortable with the books. That seems like crossing a line if they know you and your DH are not Religious.

I'd probably just remove them, however. I don't think it's worth fighting over. Your kids will ask you and your DH questions about it, and over time you can (gently) disabuse them.

Your children will have many influences in their lives, not just their grandmother's. You for a start, friends, school teachers, all sorts. Wait until they are teenagers, you'll be tearing your hair out!

I wouldn't worry about it, Granny means well and it won't hurt them. She sounds really sweet actually.

My husband's grandmother did the same with my child and he remembers her very fondly indeed (she was lovely, lived to 103!), but, as an adult, he is pretty indifferent to religion.

I wouldn't worry about it. My mum is bonkers religious and I don't believe in God at all. When she tells my 5 and 3 year old Christian stories or gives them books I just tell them in front of her that these are the stories nanny believes. It's the same with school, even though it's not a religious school they do a traditional nativity. I think when they're older they'll work it out. If she continues to try and push it as fact just tell the kids she's wrong, they are just stories no different to the Gruffalo.

YABU. Your in laws are doing nothing wrong.

You ask your DH to ask his mother to stop doing this, or contact will be supervised and limited.

I don’t see any harm in it. Reading Bible stories won’t turn them into Christians but might give them an understanding of why we follow certain customs and traditions and also an understanding of their GPs beliefs. It opens up a debate about differing values, faiths etc and how they can be respected even when you don’t share them. You could buy books about other faiths, Greek myths etc too.

The good thing is that the Bible has some great stories. I grew up with a good grounding in the Bible and I've found it a great help in avoiding being sucked into Christian cults as an adult.

My husband was raised in a devout household, I wasn't. His mother refused to attend our wedding because we didn't get married in her church (my husband had pulled away from the religion before we met) It caused a huge rift which took years to mend. I don't think you are BU, but I do think you need to tread carefully. If you haven't specifically asked your MIL not to discuss religion, then she probably doesn't think she is doing anything wrong. I'm assuming she raised your husband in the religion and he still turned out to be an atheist, so I probably wouldn't worry too much at this stage. If you feel a conversation is in order, then perhaps it should be your husband that leads the discussion.

Do you actively not want your children to believe or do you wamt them to make up their own mind? If the latter, let her get on with it - it wont hurt them.

I find people who want to control what their children believe/dont believe quite creepy tbh. Do you cover their eyes if they pass a church, synagogue or temple?

OP has not said she wants to control what they believe- she said they’re going to take them to church when they’re old enough to understand and make their own minds up.