To ask religious MIL to respect our views?

[Namedilema123]

PIL are Christians. DH is atheist. Im not atheist but not religious at all and find it all a bit culty.

MIL is always talking about Jesus and God to my 4yo and 2yo. She plays religious nursery rhymes when she looks after them. For Christmas has bought them a Childs First Bible and Child's First Prayer Book. How do i broach this subject? It makes me feel so uncomfortable. Its not so much the religion itself but more it being taught as blind fact, rather than just stories or that some people believe it, others don't. would be much happier if other religions were spoken about too. Or AIBU?

Please please don't teach your children that science and religion (particularly Christianity) are opposed... if you live in the UK where the mainstream church is relatively liberal it just isn't true (although if you live in Southern States of US, obviously it could well be). I'm a secondary RS teacher and this engrained false dichotomy of mainstream religion and science really holds kids back. The ones who have been taught this also tend to be far less respectful of other people's beliefs. OP I know you aren't saying this, but some pp were.
Also, OP, as long as it's just stories and not "you're going to burn in hell" let her get on with it! So much cultural capital there which will stand them in good stead with Art, History, Music, Literature, Pub quizzes... Just have a chat with the older one about different people's beliefs and respecting them and learning about them enthusiastically. Maybe get some other religions as well, Quran stories or the Jataka for children, and then the 4 yr old (and the 2 yr old as they get older) will understand.
From a teaching perspective, allowing your children a genuine insight into the religion if their heritage from an early age is great. I'm sure they won't be indoctrinated from learning a few Bible stories with Granny!

The ones who have been taught this also tend to be far less respectful of other people's beliefs

Good. One of the great errors of our time is thinking we should be respectful of others beliefs. We need to be tolerant, that's all. People should be free to believe in whatever nonsense they choose, without being harmed or abused. But no one else need have respect for those beliefs.

If I think I have fairies at the bottom of my garden, you shouldn't be punching me in the face or swearing at me. But I have no right to your respect. You're entitled to think I'm an idiot.

I'm absolutely cool with fairies at the bottom of your garden. Unfortunately, perhaps i should have used the word "tolerance" rather than "respect" (far too optimistic) because that is sadly lacking all too often as well.

I'm absolutely cool with fairies at the bottom of your garden. Unfortunately, perhaps i should have used the word "tolerance" rather than "respect" (far too optimistic) because that is sadly lacking all too often as well.

Well we're singing from the same hymn sheet now .

If there was less respect of religious views, and more tolerance, the world would be a far better place.

Meh.

I’m an atheist. DH is a lapsed Catholic who doesn’t give a shit about religion. We let (evangelical) MIL give the kids bibles and talk about Jesus when they were little. We were just always clear that ‘Grandma and some other people are Christians...mum and dad aren’t’ etc.

It’s worked pretty well. They’ve gone to school with Jewish, Muslim, Hindu kids etc. They are respectful that other people believe things we don’t. I don’t ask them to respect their beliefs, just to respect that they believe, iyswim?

I’ve also never shoved atheism down their throats, but always been as clear about MY beliefs as MIL is about HER beliefs.

DC are now 10 and 14 ...definitely atheists

My best friend has two little ones who live a few doors down from her. She gardens a lot, and they like to 'help' if they see her, which is fine, and she also has cats, which seems to be another draw.
The little boy, who is about six, has, on several occasions, asked if she goes to church, and on being told no, it isn't something she believes in, has actually commented that she should, and that "he worries about her not believing in God and Jesus."
lt upsets her a bit as she's concerned that such a young child should be 'worrying' about that. He and his sister are lovely children, and they love 'helping' her in the garden but she says she feels sad that he seems a bit fixated (for want of a better word!) on her lack of faith.

Well if your husband is an atheist and he was brought up by her then you don't seem to have a problem! He obviously grew up able to decide for himself even though she'd taught him the same thing.

I talk to my dc about religions and am glad they do RE at school but if someone bought my child a bible without checking with me first I'd be annoyed. And I wouldn't be happy for someone to be telling my 4 and 2 year old about god and jesus all the time, especially if they are doing it from a "this is true" perspective as opposed to a "some people believe this is true" one. I'd have to speak to my PIL about not trying to indoctrinate my dc, and if they couldn't respect that we'd have a much bigger problem.
You could always go full on "yes! Let's learn about all the beliefs people have!" and make sure that for every bible she buys, they also get a Quran, Talmud, Vedas etc, that every song she teaches them about Jesus is balanced by one from a different belief system, etc. And if it's ok for her to talk to dc as if there is a god and Jesus is a messiah and Christianity is true, it's perfectly ok for you talk to them about none of that being the case.

I'm Catholic
Dh is protestant

Children were raised Catholic (through mutual agreement) but no longer attend mass.

Dd is studying religion at A-Level and thinking of a degree in theology.

Ds thinks the gingerbread man in fortnite is more real than God.

They've both been raised the same.

In-laws are devout Christians and have purchased them bibles, prayer books (but of you're Catholic you know Our Father ends differently, there's no Hail Mary.. etc

Sil prays for us as we aren't for Heaven apparently (I say I AM a Christian, just because I am a good, kind person, not because I haven't stood up in front of a Church fill of people and seen the light...)

Huge amounts of art and literature have their basis in the bible and are meaningless without a basic knowledge of it. She's not doing anything that could possibly harm them, quite the reverse, she's giving them the knowledge to make informed decisions when they're older.

Btw, I'm not a Christian.

Well, to make an informed choice over what they believe when they are older, they will need to learn about all religions - including Christianity!
Why not let your pil tell them the bible stories and christian beliefs, and you can introduce other religious belief systems as they get older, including atheism and agnostics.

*All the major world religions have the same core values

Misogyny, homophobia, intolerance towards non believers, barbaric punishments?*

Most religions have moved on from barbaric punishments, apart from Islamic extremists. Pushing gays off the the highest buildings is not something ive heard of others doing, nor beheading or setting on fire.

@onlyindreams, the Islam law (Sharia Law) orders for the execution of anyone caught indulging in homosexual acts.

That’s appalling, what an intolerant religion.

At 2 and 4 I'd just work on telling your DC that's what MIL believes and telling them what you believe.

My family are very Catholic and life revolves around church for them (daily mass, praying as a family multiple times a day, pretty sure the priest spends more time at mums than I do etc) So my DC have had a lot of the religious gifts and talking about God. I'm very lapsed Catholic. DH is an atheist.

DD is 10, she likes hymns because she loves singing, she is also fascinated by all religions but thinks following one sounds like a lot of effort.

DS is 14, he likes to go to church with my parents on a Sunday but thinks every day is a bit much.

I was inadvertantly very rude to my lovely, Christian DM recently. DH and I are not religious. My mum is, my dad is not DH's mum is nominally Christian. His dad is Muslim.

I bought these super cute hanging nativity decorations in JL. I explained (badly) that whilst we were not religious DH and I wanted to explain the stories behind lots of festivals and holidays to DS (4 months) As he grows up. My mum asked if we'd send him to Sunday school and without thinking I said I wasn't going to send him to be indoctrinated for a few hours just for the free childcare. She looked hurt. I backtracked pretty quick as I had been epically unreasonable!

Any way, tangent over. It's one thing to talk about stories and what people believe - which is really important for understanding a lot of culture/ history etc. It's different to teach as fact. My concern here would be what MIL would teach?

I also did say to my mum that if DS asked to go to church (or mosque, or temple etc.) then I would let him go. My mum brought us up to decide for ourselves - and I do want that. Though I'm also cautious of some Sunday schools as I remember being told gay people would burn in Hell by one horrible teacher (I'm bi). Fortunatly not everyone and everywhere is like that!

I would be stopping it too. Let the children find out for themselves, when old enough, a variety or beliefs then they can decide for themselves.

So we don't teach children anything, we just let them find out for themselves? We'd all be pretty poorly educated if we took that path.

My parents are religious and are very active in their church. I was brought up in a Christian household. I don’t follow any religion now and am not bringing my daughters up in any particular religion. Although my oldest does go to the local catholic school, ‘cause it was the one we liked best despite it being catholic!

Like you op, my mum has bought both Dds Christian books designed for children.
I’ve decided to take a live and let live approach and thankfully my parents seems respecting of that.

Christianity is all around us (whether we like it or not) major festivals are based on it. School calendars revolve around it.

I also find describing Christianity as ‘stories’ difficult, I don’t think we would do this when referencing other religions, it would be seen as disrespectful.
Most major religions are the same in their core beliefs yes, but why take the negative all the time? I think very few people actually believe in throwing gay people off the tallest buildings is actually the right thing to do. All major religions promote loving one another and treating people with kindness. Not much wrong with that in my view.

I’m an Atheist but DC go to a CofE school because it’s the only local school (live in a small town). It doesn’t kill them to hear other people’s views and make up their own minds. My family are also religious- Jewish, Catholic and CofE so they get exposed to lots of different opinions and it’s fine. They still all choose not to believe.

If you’re in the U.K. it isn’t secular and there is no such thing as a secular school. Even non-faith schools are required by law to have “a daily act of broadly Christian worship”. The only 2 ways to avoid that are to home educate or to exclude your child from (in our case) several parts of the school day.

As it happens, while that is still technically the law in most secondary schools it is honoured more in the breach than the observance. I've worked in several secondary schools, and in none of them have there been any kind of daily act of worship, let alone of a broadly Christian nature.

So your DCs grandparents talk to them about their beliefs,and you talk about yours.And at some point they will reach their own conclusions.Sorted.

I don't understand why any of this would be a problem.After all if childhood exposure to bible stories and talk about Jesus from a loving adult guaranteed Christian belief as an adult there would be no atheist/agnostic adults from Christian homes

And if you want your children to only be taught that religion is just stories that some people believe you are not really letting them learn about religion and belief at all ,as it is far more important than that to someone who does believe.

Leave the books on the shelf and don’t read them to your DC if it bothers you... what is the problem?

How many hours a week do the GP have your DC? It must be a lot if you’re concerned their influence over your DC might be stronger than yours?

My DC has “a first Bible” from his religious Christian grandparents and a Buddhist book from another relative. I’m not religious but I love that he’s been given these books by people who love him.

In the end, kids really learn from what you do, not from what you, or anybody else, preaches.