To ask religious MIL to respect our views?

[Namedilema123]

PIL are Christians. DH is atheist. Im not atheist but not religious at all and find it all a bit culty.

MIL is always talking about Jesus and God to my 4yo and 2yo. She plays religious nursery rhymes when she looks after them. For Christmas has bought them a Childs First Bible and Child's First Prayer Book. How do i broach this subject? It makes me feel so uncomfortable. Its not so much the religion itself but more it being taught as blind fact, rather than just stories or that some people believe it, others don't. would be much happier if other religions were spoken about too. Or AIBU?

Tell her straight out you are not raising them to be Christians and you'd prefer her not to give your children books with any religious content. YANBU at all. Your PIL have no right to push their religious views onto your children, which is exactly what they are doing. Otherwise they could have bought any other story book. And I daresay they wouldn't read it as a made up story but would tell your children that what they believe in is real. Nip it in the bud now.

I'm a bit shocked at the PP saying to leave it.

It's clearly gone beyond any reasonable boundaries (e.g. I think it's healthy, as an atheist, to expose children to other views of all kinds, so they're educated in understanding other people have different views, and it's ok).

But the potential for her teaching stuff like babies burning in hell as "fact" rather than as "I believe X" or whatever else she's pushing whilst unsupervised.. that would be beyond the fair balance line. The books too.

I'd discuss with DH and explain to MIL together that it's not on, won't continue, and access will be limited/supervised unless she reigns it back into the "this is my belief, not a universally accepted fact" league. It's disrespectful and inappropriate for her to do otherwise, she's NOT the parent here and it's a parenting decision.

Would the PP saying to leave it be ok with a Catholic child being taught the Koran as fact? Or a Jewish child being bought their first Richard Dawkins book ok despite the parents wishes?

It's undermining the parents.

Similar situation here at the start but I have it nipped now. My mother is a massive god botherer - I am a massive atheist. My kids were never going to be christened or be made take communion and confirmation which is actually the done thing where I live in Ireland, even with some atheists! Thankfully my kids got places in multi denom schools and learn about all religions but not any one as fact so they will learn about other cultures and religions and if they chose to be of a religion when they are older then I will not stop them.

I find it funny when people who follow a religion ask why as an atheist you are trying to 'control' your children when bringing them up with organised religion is fully and totally controlling and brain washing them!

I was raised for a few years by my deeply religious grandparents. I loved them to bits, but I chose my own path and am an atheist. We had some discussions about it and I knew they were dissappointed but it didn't stop them loving me. Unless she is actually criticising you and your choices to your children or coming out with extreme opinions on homosexuality or sex before marriage, I don't think she is disrespecting you, she is simply trying to pass along something she feels is important. You can balance out the bible with books about mythology etc. That is what my parents did. I actually find religion fascinating and am always reading up about different beliefs!

As long as it's not over the top stuff, I don't think it is a problem. People do have different beliefs, and your children will be exposed to that sooner or later.

Also, having some knowledge of Christian religion (and other religions) is culturally useful - there's a lot of things you won't understand unless you have some idea of it. A Child's First Bible should be fun, like a children's book on the Greek myths, for example.

YABU.

I think it is good for children to be informed about religions. You can explain to your children that what Granny says is what Christians, like
their your Granny, believe.

Your MIL's faith is not an add on. It is a central part of who she is. If you want them to truly get to know their Grandmother, it is important that they understand this part of her.

Nothing wrong with some Christian values and a few bible stories, but overall this is something I'd want to keep an eye on

There's a big difference between sharing personal beliefs and actual instruction in dogma, and personally I'd want to be sure that line isn't being crossed

When your children go to school, they're likely to meet plenty of Muslim and Hindi kids so will probably learn about other religions and festivals. I remember when my DD was small, she knew when Diwali and Ramadan was, and I think that's pretty healthy.

I was brought up Catholic and remember being very small and during Holy Week, having to listen in gruesome detail to the 'Fourteen Stations of The Cross'. The priest's monotone voice echoing on and on about the terrible sufferings of Our Lord on the cross. I also had this horrible book on 'The Lives of the Saints' featuring loads of obviously disturbed women who were held up as 'holy' because they barely ate and spent their lives apologising for being female. All a waste of time as within a few years I was marching for Abortion Rights anyway.

I don't think you need to be too worried. The thing is to encourage your children to ask questions and not to accept anything at face value. Why was it Eve's fault anyway? Why did God destroy the Earth in a flood? Could the Ten Plagues of Egypt be explained through natural phenomena?

It's good to have a rudimentary knowledge of Bible stories for the study of Art and general culture. It is uprising how, just for instance, the stories come up such as the story of Moses or Creation.

There are moral tales of jealousy, sibling rivalry, kindness to others and so on.

It's good general knowledge for children if nothing else.

I want to raise a child who examines everything they are presented critically. I want to raise a skeptic. I want to raise a child who even questions everything I tell her. It’s so important in the world we live in where so many lies can disseminate so easily online.

So far we are succeeding. She is a 9yo argues everything like she is litigating in court. It drives me crazy because sometimes you just want to say “because I said so”, but I know it will serve her well as an adult.

OP, your children will be able to see both points of view instead of just the one this way. You/school can/will cover the other religions.

I told my DC when they could first understand that god is not real Another type of indoctrination.

Mine is an absolutely rabid Jehovah's Witness - I mean RABID. She virtually has no other conversation. She is careful around me, but will go full on nuclear when I am not around. it's utterly disrespectful and rude. My children are adults now, but her favourite topic is still the END OF THE WORLD. She has made very rude remarks about us and our choices to my children, and called my daughter a slut. She drives everyone around her away.

Why don't you explain that some people believe, others don't?

Maybe because that would be a bit of a waste of time with a 4 and 2 year old?

If you want other religions to be spoken about, then speak about them to your DCs. It's not your MIL's job to give balanced religious instruction to your DCs.
imo , regardless of religion, it's a parent's job to teach their children to be tolerant. Trying to control and shut down your MIL is the opposite of what I'd want to teach my DCs about religion.

I used it as a critical thinking teaching opportunity. It was a happy day when they started questioning her directly. It was a bit like that scene in Outnumbered.

For those that say it is OK, would you be as comfortable at a MIL buying young children a "My First Qur'an" ?

Is that OK too?

www.amazon.co.uk/My-First-Book-about-Quran/dp/0860376184/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=islam+children&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1546018729&sr=8-2

Vitology how the hell is this indoctrination? To me, the concept of God is ridiculous and there is absolutely zero proof to back it up. Learning about the religions is absolutely fine and is encouraged. Treating is as fact or in any way possible to me seems beyond ridiculous. I can have respect for people who are religious but have zero respect for the concept of religion as it baffles me it is still followed in this day and age. I'm not about to tell my DC it's a possibility when the pink teacup theory is an entirely equal possibility.

My late MIL did this, Children's bibles as presents etc etc.

I'll probably get shot down as a CF but we let MIL take her to church when she was little, the kids went to the sunday school room, and dd remembers fondly the juice and biscuits, colouring in and easter/xmas crafts.
It made MIL happy, DD had a nice morning with granny, and me and DH got a child free sunday morning. Result

DD is now 24 and atheist.

Of course a Koran would be ok. All the major world religions have the same core values, it’s the myths and traditions around them that change

Faith is a personal decision, not a parenting one. A variety of opinion is a deeply valuable gift to a child. Don't censor granny - your DC are well able to make their own minds up.

Shes not talking burning babies and hell....

Shes bought a kids bible and sung a few tunes. My kids sung about crocodiles eating you up... they didnt turn into crocodiles either...

Presumably theyre are going to get a balanced view given the OP clearly doesnt believe. By making a fuss your giving more importance to it than it merits.

Now if they started hell and burning babies that would be a different matter

I recommend getting a "My first Book of Evolution', and using that as a springboard. . . that's what we did to counter the 'Bible in Schools' programme where they sought to indoctrinate the kids in primary school back in NZ. Apparently the good Christian volunteers who wanted to talk about hell and crucifixion were well pissed off with the questions my kids posed as a result. . .

For those that say it is OK, would you be as comfortable at a MIL buying young children a "My First Qur'an" ?

Thanks for the recommendation. That book looks great.

I'm an atheist as is DH. However, our children go to a CoE school as there was only one non-denominational school in our area and it's too far to walk to.

So of course they have RE lessons and have been given bibles. They have church services for the high holidays.

When they started questioning the religious aspect, we just kept it simple. Some people believe in god and some people don't. Some believe in a Christian god, some don't. We are in the 'don't' camp. We have had the 'so long as you are respectful it's fine to not believe' and they accept it, one of them is quite vocal about not believing!

I guess what I'm trying to say, is don't sweat it too much while they're small. You can treat the bible as a book of stories, and so long as she's not all fire and brimstone then it'll be fine.

I think it’s a bit off given that her son is an atheist. If it’s an issue then he should talk to her. I’m an atheist and my Catholic mother would not dream of buying my DD a bible.
If you want your DC to know about different religions that’s not your MIL’s job.