To ask religious MIL to respect our views?

[Namedilema123]

PIL are Christians. DH is atheist. Im not atheist but not religious at all and find it all a bit culty.

MIL is always talking about Jesus and God to my 4yo and 2yo. She plays religious nursery rhymes when she looks after them. For Christmas has bought them a Childs First Bible and Child's First Prayer Book. How do i broach this subject? It makes me feel so uncomfortable. Its not so much the religion itself but more it being taught as blind fact, rather than just stories or that some people believe it, others don't. would be much happier if other religions were spoken about too. Or AIBU?

You said you are not atheist but are not religious. What does that mean exactly?

For those that say it is OK, would you be as comfortable at a MIL buying young children a "My First Qur'an" ?

Yeah absolutely fine if she was muslim, its part of the children know who their grandparent is (the good bits and the bad bits).

If they started talking positively about jihad i would have a problem....

Would I mind if someone talked to my children about Islam speakout? Of course not.

Sorry that you can't see it Szechan In this type of atmosphere would a child feel free to express their on views without fear of ridicule.

Actually the ExH taking the kids to a proper fire and brimstone church at about 5 well and truly put the kids off...

My MIL is like this. I just quietly removed the children’s bibles and Christian stories. I didn’t say anything else. At 8 and 5 my kids are completely unaffected.

To be honest I am starting to think that a little religious knowledge (with a balanced ‘some people think this, but others don’t’ from us) might not be a terrible thing. Art and culture are full of religious references.

You need to shut it down. The grandparents either respect your parenting decisions or they don’t see the kids unsupervised.

Yes - they might catch the Jesus

If you want kids to make up their own minds eventually regarding religion, you need to be confident enough to allow them to be exposed to those who believe and those who don't.
Not sure what harm you think is being done.
In the end they will choose their own path, and be glad they were brought up in a tolerant family where differences are celebrated, not condemned.

I, as a Christian tell my grandchildren “this is what I believe”. I think that is the correct way. I often wonder if Muslim or Hindu etc grandparents (or parents for that matter) say similar about their religion, or do they teach it as fact.....Genuinely interested, perhaps someone could come on and tell us.

I would treat it with the same level of respect as if she'd said she believes there's a monster under her bed or the likes.

The grandparents either respect your parenting decisions or they don’t see the kids unsupervised.

Personally i also believe in respecting your elders and the value of cross generational relationships. Its not just about respecting your parenting its about respecting your in-laws too

4 and 2 are too young to be exposed to religion.

Especially by someone who has a vested interest.

Which is most people trying to give bibles as a gift to a two year old.

No 2 year old understands the concept of" some people believe/some don't"

Children need to understand what religion is at some point, but not at toddlerhood.

Train your children to ask questions of the Christian missionaries who stole festivals and stories from other belief systems and forced them into believing in god. Or counter their Christian rituals with Jewish/Muslim ones. 😉

Actually there are some advantages to it.

Firstly you can use your MIL to explain to them this is what her denomination of Christianity does.

Secondly if she bores them then they won't be turning religious. Also as PP said get them to start asking her questions. There are plenty of religious people who if you ask them rather simple questions who can't answer you.

I think you won’t be able to stop her but they’re unlikely to be indoctrinated. Kids are good at understanding context, they’ll know that’s what grandmother goes on about but not what their daily lives are about.
If they ask questions, just say it’s a story that some people tell.

Sharing fears or something important to oneself that'd be a no.

Just leave it. They'll talk to you about it soon enough and you can give your view. With my older DC (8) this has been coming up over the last couple of years via school, I don't judge, just tell him it's not what I believe but lots of people believe it and he can make his own mind up.

“MIL, I understand that your faith is very important to you, but we have decided that DCs will not have a religious upbringing. This is because we think religion is something they should make up their own minds about when they are old enough to do so. Thank you for being understanding about this.”

Repeat as required.

This would infuriate me. I'm sure MIL is lovely and means well but I find this kind of behaviour - which at best is an assumption that this is 'good for the kids', at worst total denial that religious belief is a personal choice) - disrespectful.

And to those who have commented that OP is raising her kids as atheists and therefore 'what's the difference', that's bollocks. Atheism is not a belief system. It's an absence of a spiritual/religious belief system, it's your 'factory setting'. When children are mature enough to understand that there are many cultures in the world which are historically founded on many creation myths & stories they at least can make (non)spiritual choices that suit them and their evolving view of the world and their place in it. I know that's a totally idealised, simplified approach and kids are exposed to a host of beneficial concepts and beliefs from a young age, I just find it frustrating where religion is concerned.

I'm not sure if that was much help, @Namedilema123. I find blind belief and total immersion in a religion completely batshit - but that said I've got very lovely, very religious in-laws who are pretty respectful when it comes to their kids' lack of faith and don't make assumptions or decisions about trying to form their grandkids' world view.

For those that say it is OK, would you be as comfortable at a MIL buying young children a "My First Qur'an" ? What about this one:

www.goodreads.com/book/show/6297606-growing-up-pagan

speakout yy of course a first Qur'an would be ok. Religious books are great touchstones for learning about culture and values even if you don't follow their faith. I don't think we should ever shield our DCs from opportunities to learn in age-appropriate ways.

We had this.
PIL are Buddhist. The school taught bible stories. I have no religious persuasion at all. My mum was jewish but disowned.
I taught my child that the bible was a nice book with some stories that we can learn good things from. I also said that PIL's religion was ok too but I didn't know enough about any one religion to put them wise as I had no proof.

To be honest I am starting to think that a little religious knowledge (with a balanced ‘some people think this, but others don’t’ from us) might not be a terrible thing. Art and culture are full of religious references.

The King James Version was on my reading list at university. Both as fiction in its own right and in order to understand the various references in literature, along with Greek mythology.

Of course this is a parenting decision not a personal one at the age of two. A two year old does not yet have the critical thinking skills or experience to differentiate"some people believe X, others Y" - young children should be exposed to different viewpoints, sure, that's healthy ... But not a single, unsupervised religious dogma being taught as fact!

The sooner the world moves on from this "religion is special" mass delusion where we treat fucking bonkers stuff being taught to our children as normal (instead of the weird, patriarchal, offensive and damaging influence it actually is) the better.