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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if anybody on here is pro-life?

999 replies

Teeandee · 28/12/2018 15:02

When it comes to the subject of abortion I've noticed a high number of people on here are very pro-choice and support abortion. Is there anybody else, like me, who doesn't?

Everybody is entitled to their opinion of course and I don't think badly of anybody who has had a termination and I don't judge. It's only my personal outlook and life experiences that shape my view and was wondering if I really am in the minority here?

OP posts:
ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 29/12/2018 19:31

Yeah, but the baby has a life too. This argument makes no sense to me

Not without the woman who is carrying it. You’re happy to deny her rights?

Drogosnextwife · 29/12/2018 19:35

I can, and I did too.

Then I'm sorry but I really don't think you should be involved in a debate if you think the two are comparable.

Drogosnextwife · 29/12/2018 19:36

Not without the woman who is carrying it. You’re happy to deny her rights?

Technically not true after 23 weeks.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 29/12/2018 19:37

People who deny judging women while putting caveats on terminations because they had sex so must bear the consequences and making smug judgements about them are absolutely the same as racists who deny being racist.

I didn’t call you racist, I said you were no different to a racist denying they’re racist.

Not my fault you’re incapable of understanding.

Both are people with crappy morals, denying that they’ve got crappy morals.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 29/12/2018 19:38

Technically not true after 23 weeks.

Right and where are these queues of women, after 23 weeks, seeking a termination because they changed their mind?

Fluffiest · 29/12/2018 19:39

*Yeah, but the baby has a life too. This argument makes no sense to me

Not without the woman who is carrying it. You’re happy to deny her rights?*

I think it is morally wrong to end the life of an innocent person. I accept (and am glad) that we live in a democracy where the law is determined roughly by the majority.

I wish more people held my view and would therefore choose not to abort. I am not taking away anyone's right. I'm expressing an alternative view point. We're all grown ups here, you can agree or disagree with someone's argument without equating it to oppression.

I have never actively tried to stop someone from getting an abortion. I do actively support friends, family, neighbours, colleagues who are raising children in difficult circumstances or who are fostering/adopting.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 29/12/2018 19:44

Do you agree with the protestors who harangue and distress women outside clinics?

You’re entitled to your view. Never said you weren’t. What you’re not entitled to do is write off a life to preserve one that isn’t here yet. That’s what sickens me about the so called morality angle. No consideration for the woman, because she deserved it for having sex. Kind of my point.

HesterSue · 29/12/2018 19:45

I'm pro choice.
My mum is 93 yrs old she never wanted children. She met a man (my dad) who was catholic, my mum isn't religious. My gran warned her that if she married a catholic she would become a walking baby machine. She gave birth to 11 children and miscarried 4. My dad refused to let her use whichever contraception was available at the time he basically forced her to have children.
My mum hates all of us because she blames us for ruining her life . My gran offered to help my mum to get a termination every time she got pregnant but my dad intervened every time. I'm 57 and still end up in tears whenever i see my mum( My dad died last year) I knew from a very young age that I never wanted children and I made sure I never got pregnant. It took me a while to find a man who didn't want children and I warned him that if I ever became pregnant that I would terminate, luckily he was supportive. My mum has no real relationship with her children, all female, and none with her many grandchildren. No-one has the right to tell any woman they can't have a termination.

Whyyounoeatmypie · 29/12/2018 19:45

I think this debate often assumes a false binary between people thinking in terms of 'just a ball of cells' / 'baby' and 'wanted' / 'unwanted' when there's a whole, painful grey area there. I'm one of the incredibly lucky women to have had an unexpected pregnancy and chosen to keep the baby (who I felt was just that and who I wanted from when I found out at 7 weeks). I was also financially secure, in a loving marriage and able to access decent mental health services. In another woman's shoes, that same wanted baby could have come about in an abusive relationship which would have risked the baby's life and her own; she could have been homeless or at risk of it; she could not have had access to the care and familial support that kept me and my baby safe.

Basically I think most of us are in the lucky position not to be able to fathom why late term abortion available on demand should be legal, which leads to some inaccurate assumptions about both mother and child. It's painful, but rather than judging by our own circumstances we should educate ourselves better about why this debate exists and have compassion for the women who are making a heart-wrenching choice.

Drogosnextwife · 29/12/2018 19:45

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn

How on earth does me feeling that abortion saddens me, mean I am smug?

Is it because you think that someone who does not like the process of an abortion is right? Because that's the only way you could believe that they feel smug about their opinion.

I certainly do not feel smug when someone has a termination. I feel deeply saddened that they felt the need to do so and that a child's life has come to an end, I feel nothing else.

I didn’t call you racist, I said you were no different to a racist denying they’re racist.

No that's not what you said and it's still not the same.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 29/12/2018 19:47

I certainly do not feel smug when someone has a termination. I feel deeply saddened that they felt the need to do so and that a child's life has come to an end, I feel nothing else.

Precisely. Not a single bit of consideration for the woman, again my point entirely.

No that's not what you said and it's still not the same.

Er it is. Your lack of ability to understand that isn’t my problem.

Drogosnextwife · 29/12/2018 19:48

Right and where are these queues of women, after 23 weeks, seeking a termination because they changed their mind?

And where did I say there was. You said that a child needs the mothers body to survive. I said, technically not after 23 weeks. What has that got to do with how many people are seeking abortions after 23 weeks?

Are you being deliberately obtuse?

Drogosnextwife · 29/12/2018 19:52

Precisely. Not a single bit of consideration for the woman, again my point entirely.

Or, if you read that again you will see that I clearly stated it saddens me that they felt the need to have a termination. For whatever reason they had I feel sorry for them having to make that decision, obviously in most situations it wouldn't be an easy one to make.

Obviously you are determined to twist others words.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 29/12/2018 19:53

I’m bowing out now, this level of wilful stupidity has fried my brain.

Have a lovely judgemental life, feeling morally superior and talking shite. Thank fuck I can just hide the thread and don’t actually have to engage with people like you.

Drogosnextwife · 29/12/2018 19:53

Er it is. Your lack of ability to understand that isn’t my problem.

Actually I'm not the only one who thinks you are wrong to have said that.

Poor choice of wording on your part perhaps, nothing to do with my "lack of understanding".

Drogosnextwife · 29/12/2018 19:55

I think you are "bowing out" because you have no logical argument left and have to resort to twisting words and presuming you know what people think and feel, while clearly being told you are wrong. You are as judgmental as anyone else.

Thewifipasswordis · 29/12/2018 19:58

@ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn it's not emotive. It is accurate. Regardless, there are consequences to choices and actions and one of those is a baby (outside of situations beyond the woman's control such as rape). Having an abortion for convinience is nothing but late birth control. And many women do choose it for that reason. And it is not shutting other women down to state that in the sense of it's just women being shut down. We are the only one capable of giving birth. Women. So it is specific to us. And the judgement of terminations will ALWAYS be on us because we're the only ones that have them.

If you don't want to have a baby don't fucking have sex. Even the best contraception in the world isnt 100% so unless you're willing to accept that 1% chance it might happen then just don't fucking SHAG SOMEONE. Not hard is it?!

MsLucyLastic · 29/12/2018 19:59

HesterSue, I am so sorry that happened to your mum and you as a result. Your story proves why abortion should always be available Flowers

JacquesHammer · 29/12/2018 19:59

If you don't want to have a baby don't fucking have sex. Even the best contraception in the world isnt 100% so unless you're willing to accept that 1% chance it might happen then just don't fucking SHAG SOMEONE. Not hard is it?!

Well I don’t want a baby so do use contraception. IF it goes wrong I’d have an abortion because that option is open to me. It’s not hard, no.

EdWinchester · 29/12/2018 20:02

I'd be embarrassed to be pro-life.

Raspberry88 · 29/12/2018 20:04

Well I don’t want a baby so do use contraception. IF it goes wrong I’d have an abortion because that option is open to me. It’s not hard, no.
This. I use contraception because I don't want another child. Should I never have sex with DH ever again just in case it fails!!? Seriously?

MsLucyLastic · 29/12/2018 20:04

Same here Jaques. My OH has had the snip and I have a coil. If by some miracle I still got pregnant, I would have an abortion. But no way am I trusting one type of contraception!

HesterSue · 29/12/2018 20:12

Thank you MsLucyLastic

formerbabe · 29/12/2018 20:13

If you don't want to have a baby don't fucking have sex. Even the best contraception in the world isnt 100% so unless you're willing to accept that 1% chance it might happen then just don't fucking SHAG SOMEONE. Not hard is it?

Do you have any idea how insane this sounds?

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 29/12/2018 20:18

Personally, I don't like the idea of abortions and wouldn't have one myself, but I will defend a woman's right to have one till the end.