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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if anybody on here is pro-life?

999 replies

Teeandee · 28/12/2018 15:02

When it comes to the subject of abortion I've noticed a high number of people on here are very pro-choice and support abortion. Is there anybody else, like me, who doesn't?

Everybody is entitled to their opinion of course and I don't think badly of anybody who has had a termination and I don't judge. It's only my personal outlook and life experiences that shape my view and was wondering if I really am in the minority here?

OP posts:
MyBreadIsEggy · 29/12/2018 18:07

I’m in the pro-choice camp. Unless you had a direct part to play in the conception of my (hypothetical) baby, get your opinions the fuck out of my uterus 😑
I hate the term “pro-life”.
From my experience with pro-lifers, they are actually “pro-foetus” or “pro-birth” Hmm They seem to care about a foetus being carried and born, but that’s where their stance ends. Doesn’t seem to matter that there are millions of children around the world in the care system who will probably never have a chance of being adopted.

The way I look at it: if it’s not your uterus, then it is absolutely none of your business.
Removing a woman’s legal right to choose would not result in less abortions. It would result in more dangerous, back-street abortions, and more female corpses in the local morgue.
.

Drogosnextwife · 29/12/2018 18:07

None of that changes the fact that pregnancy is a risk you take when having sex.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 29/12/2018 18:08

None of that changes the fact that pregnancy is a risk you take when having sex

Uh huh. What does that have to do with terminations? If you want one, have one. If you don’t, don't.

Drogosnextwife · 29/12/2018 18:11

Even if using contraception there is still a risk of becoming pregnant.

The only instances in which the woman has no control over the risk of becoming pregnant is rape, and mental disabilities/illness which would stop them from understanding.

JacquesHammer · 29/12/2018 18:13

Even if using contraception there is still a risk of becoming pregnant

And thankfully there’s decent access to abortion to deal with that.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 29/12/2018 18:17

Jesus Christ, what does any of that have to do with seeking a termination?

Thankfully, women get to choose. This thread has appalled me over the course of today, so many people just unable to understand basic concepts, full of faux morality and tax paying, but not one valid reason for limiting it other than not wanting women to have a choice.

Personally I’d like to think I’d never have a termination. Can I state that for an absolute fact? No, nobody can predict the future.

Does my dislike of terminations mean I have the right to police other women and their choices?

The hell it does, and neither should it.

I went with my friend when I was pregnant with DD while she went to seek a termination. Because she’s my friend and I love her, and she needed and deserved support for a decision which was hugely traumatic to her, and because she was and is my friend. You know nothing of her situation, nor her reasons, yet because she wasn’t raped and isn’t legally unable to consent she’s different?

No, she’s not.

bellinisurge · 29/12/2018 18:18

I agree the term "pro life" is horrible. It suggests that those who are pro choice are "anti life".
The divide is pro choice and anti choice.
I'm a Catholic (a rubbish one). I've been prochoice all my teenage and adult life. The choice I might make may be different to another woman but I have no right to tell her to take my choice.

formerbabe · 29/12/2018 18:21

I can respect and understand pro life as a stance... providing you don't try to obstruct or interfere in women accessing terminations or attempt to change the law. I also believe if you are pro life you should stand by it as a concept ie...life begins at conception, rather than adding ridiculous caveats about how conception occured.

Bloodyfucksake · 29/12/2018 18:23

I'm pro choice for everyone else, and almost pro life for myself. I think the only circumstance that would make me consider abortion would be knowing I would no longer be able to care for my existing children (for health or death or any other reason). But we all have our line, and I'm thankful for the choice.

HoustonBess · 29/12/2018 18:29

I think every child should be a wanted child.

I wish people who campaign against abortion put their energies into fighting some of the causes of avoidable abortion, like domestic violence, poverty, health inequalities etc.

There are women who make heartbreaking decisions to terminate children they would want to carry to term if the circumstances were right. That's where the interests of 'pro-life' and pro choice should really overlap. Of course in truth it's all about control over women's bodies...

Drogosnextwife · 29/12/2018 18:34

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn

It's just a fact and was aimed at another poster who said woman shouldn't be punished for having sex, my argument to that is, no one is punishing them because pregnancy is is a direct result of sex, not everytime, but it's a risk you take and you are in control of managing that risk.

I also do not think I have the right to chose what other woman decide to do with their bodied and can see why abortion is necessary. For it to be legal there can't really be restrictions on who it is available to.
I also accompanied a friend, a month after giving birth to my ds, when I was 18 years old (so I was not exactly happy about my pregnancy, but chose to carry on) for a termination, she made a different choice and I supported her.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 29/12/2018 18:36

my argument to that is, no one is punishing them because pregnancy is is a direct result of sex

No explicitly no, but the undertones are there, in your own posts and others.

I too fell pregnant as a teenager, and decided to keep him. Sadly, it wasn’t to be and I gave birth at 25 weeks. He wasn’t alive, and I knew that before labour.

My traumas or decisions don’t give me the right to police other women.

StylishMummy · 29/12/2018 18:36

Im somewhere in the middle. I believe women should have the right to an abortion no questions asked until 16 weeks. But these should be available far faster than they are currently, to avoid emotional and physical distress.

Then it should ONLY be TMFR, but right up to term m. Unless in cases of rape, where abortion is also available to 20 weeks.

I've had 2 severely premature babies and have seen babies born at 23 weeks survive and thrive, so no matter how small, I cannot support the women who seek to end a healthy pregnancy at such late stages.

Drogosnextwife · 29/12/2018 18:37

No explicitly no, but the undertones are there, in your own posts and others.

Undertones of what exactly?

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 29/12/2018 18:41

Is that a serious question? It was the answer to a statement you made.

Drogosnextwife · 29/12/2018 18:51

Yes serious question, undertones of what?

And if no, explicitly no, is in relation to me stating that pregnancy is a result of sex, then I think you may be wrong there. If you have sex you risk becoming pregnant, that is a fact.

MsLucyLastic · 29/12/2018 19:15

I agree that there have been comments suggesting that women fall into categories of deserving and undeserving, in terms of the help they receive from society. This doesn't seem kind or supportive.

But if a woman hasn't been raped and has mental capacity to understand reproduction, then women are not being punished for pregnancy following sex.

I don't think that the MENTAL separation of sex from pregnancy, since the 1960s and the advent of the pill, helps women much. Obviously we have physically gained by having more choice, but when we do get pregnant as a result of sex, because contraception isn't 100%, we seem shocked.

I am glad contraception exists, but I think if we had the stance that every time we had PIV sex, pregnancy may result, then we maybe wouldn't have as many accidental pregnancies. We may use double contraception, avoid sex around fertile times, or not always have PIV sex.

I do think we need to appreciate that sex isn't a purely recreational activity, with pregnancy a natural result.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 29/12/2018 19:17

Oh I give up, you cannot explain something to someone unwilling to understand.

Placing caveats on terminations, judging reasons, bringing morals or forcing opinions on women IS judging them for getting pregnant.

It’s like the “I’m not racist....but......”

It’s always there, just under the surface, no matter how hard you try to hide it.

TinselandToblerones · 29/12/2018 19:18

You can’t compare having a moral objection to ending a life to racist ffs.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 29/12/2018 19:20

You can’t compare having a moral objection to ending a life to racist ffs.

I can, and I did too.

It’s not your life, it’s not your womb and it certainly isn’t your business what another woman does with hers.

Thewifipasswordis · 29/12/2018 19:26

But unless any other medical or genetic complications are involved @ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn ... it IS actually killing what will grow to be, or already is, a baby, through choice.

You agree on that part, right? I'm pro choice but part of that is also accepting and understanding it is a totally barbaric and horrific thing to do. In many instances for nothing but convinience.

Fluffiest · 29/12/2018 19:28

*You can’t compare having a moral objection to ending a life to racist ffs.

I can, and I did too.

It’s not your life, it’s not your womb and it certainly isn’t your business what another woman does with hers.*

Yeah, but the baby has a life too. This argument makes no sense to me.

3WildOnes · 29/12/2018 19:30

HoustonBess I’m pro life but campaign for the things you’ve stated instead of campaigning for a change in the law on abortion, as I stated earlier in the thread.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 29/12/2018 19:31

Thewifipasswordis honestly, I think emotive language like that is unfair and unhelpful.

Yes, the likelihood is that a pregnancy without complications would become a baby. That’s a scientific fact.

It’s not a fact that it could survive outwith the womb for at least 20+ weeks, nor is it independent of the mother.

That is where the argument lies, with people who see a fully formed baby as more important than the woman who is carrying it.

Do you foster? Would you adopt? Would you take in or fund the upbringing of babies unwanted or unable to be raised?

Or do you just like throwing emotive language around, and want to shut women down?

Drogosnextwife · 29/12/2018 19:31

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn

Oh no it's not under the surface. I do not like abortion from a moral point of veiw but I wouldn't never campaign to change the law, I would never force my opinion on other woman or try to change their mind. I completely agree that terminations are necessary and I think they should be available. Does that mean I have to be happy about the process. No.

What part am I unwilling to understand here? I think its more that you can't explain what you mean.

I am judging no one for getting pregnant. I have been pregnant twice, I became pregnant because I had sex. There is nothing hard to understand about that. There is no grey area, it is a fact.

My opinion is, abortion is nessacary, I wouldn't force that opinion on anyone. My feelings are that abortion saddens me, but I wouldn't force that on anyone and I wouldn't let that feeling cloud my rational reasoning for abortions being necessary.

Nothing like, I am not a racist...but. what an odd thing yo say.

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