Boyfriend only bought DS one present...

[notagrabbygirlfriend]

Been with boyfriend for 1 year. He’s been regularly seeing DS (7) since 6 months into our relationship.

DS is born on Christmas Eve. I expressed to him that I find it really cheeky, cheap and mean when people try to combine his Christmas and birthday present. You wouldn’t do it at any other time of year. Fair enough if it’s a massive or expensive gift that you would have done as a joint anyway, but using the excuse that he is born near Christmas to only get him one thing I find mean and stingy.

We had a big conversation about this and he said he thought I was being rude by expecting two gifts. Of course people would combine due to the time of year. I said it’s cheeky and I wouldn’t accept it for my son. You wouldn’t combine a summer born child’s present with Christmas, you’d be told you were a CF. As I said, expensive gifts I understand, but otherwise no.

Anyway, the day comes around and low and behold he gives my son a combined Christmas and birthday gift. It cost around £10. I don’t care about the price, he could’ve got him two gifts for £5 each. One for birthday, one for Christmas. It’s not about the price, it’s about the principle.

AIBU to think he’s been a complete arse considering he knew my stance on the matter? We’ve only been together a short while so I wouldn’t have really expected him to get him anything. But it feels like he has intentionally done this to make some sort of sanctimonious point?

Making love 🤮

6 months in if he wants to be making an impression he'd be buying gifts. People have low expectations of a loving respectful relationship on here. It's not about material things, he has purposely disrespected her and her child. I would be gone.

He’s done it to make a point which is shit. He’s suggesting he knows better than you. I don’t agree with all the “you should be grateful for anything” posts - it’s a dick move from him and you should consider this could be him showing his true colours. You don’t have to be grateful for things from a man particularly when it goes directly a against a very reasonable opinion you have told him you hold.

£10 is very tight , he’s shown his worth , time to trade up !

@NottonightJosepheen your username implies anything but 😂

It was nice of him to buy him anything. Why did you expect him to?

I would expect to buy a present for a partner's child. You would wouldn't you?

It's a bit crap OP but I guess it would depend what he is like the rest of the time really

Time to rethink the relationship or at least keep your eyes open for other red flags.
It doesn't matter if he disagrees with you in principle, he shouldn't be going out of his way to upset you for the sake of a measly £10.

Our first child was born just before Christmas and we're forever telling people not to bother getting two presents, although my family never listen!

My birthday is in December, so I do understand how it can be upsetting when people combine presents. I once got a pair of boots from my parents - one for my birthday (mid-December) and the other for Christmas.

But I also think that the tone of the OP’s statement to her boyfriend was pretty rude and entitled. I can see how it might have put her boyfriend’s back up, although if this is why he only bought one gift, it does seem a bit mean to punish the child for his mum’s bluntness.

It might be better, in the future, to express this from the child’s point of view - ie “Poor ds - he does get upset when people combine his Christmas and birthday presents” - that just sounds less entitled, to me.

I also think that it was rather mean of him.

He could have given the one thing for either Christmas or bday if he didn't want to bother with getting two presents.

My dc often have joint Christmas/birthday presents-yes even the one with a June birthday and none are closer than 9 weeks to Christmas.

I think in 6 months into a relationship it isn't a major problem.

It’s really stingy. You are not being unreasonable at all. I’d take it as a sign of things to come and dump him. He’s clearly not that invested in making a good impression.

Perhaps 'rutting' is a more appropriate word? Personally, my OH and I make love

Why are people bringing sex into this? That is very weird and creepy.

I would’ve been incredibly turned off by your demands, OP. You’re telling a new boyfriend what is acceptable and unacceptable with regards to gifts? I thought this was a reverse until I saw some people agree with you. Each to their own, I guess.

If it was done without realising that's different. However he and the OP had a conversation about this and he knew her (right imo) view. So he's done it out of spite and to prove a point.

They are 1 year into the relationship not 6 months

I think he would have been better buying nothing. I say this as a mother of a Christmas Day DC. It's fucking rude to ignore their birthday like that. I've had 'ps happy birthday' in Christmas cards before now and also the classic of birthday presents wrapped in Christmas paper and no birthday card, cos you know it's Christmas! He could have easily bought two token gifts, it's not that difficult but requires just a tiny bit of thought which he clearly doesn't have.

I totally agree with you, my brothers birthday is 25/12 - we always celebrate it 2 weeks before as it gets forgotten in the Xmas day rush. We never buy combines presents (unless he specifically asks for something - one year he wanted something big so we gave him the batteries for his birthday)

It's the lack of respecting your wishes I'd have an issue with. He could have just bought a token gift for both.

Our first child was born just before Christmas and we're forever telling people not to bother getting two presents, although my family never listen!

Do you only have one child? I can't think they'd be happy with their brother getting twice the gifts

Ds's (7yo ) best school friend has a Christmas eve birthday. His mum told me she always does something special on that day so he knows his birthday is important too. Ds went to his place for a little party on 24th. Even before we got the invite ds wanted to go and buy his friend a birthday present (no talk of Christmas at all.) We went shopping and got him a present, a birthday card and wrapped it in birthday paper too. Yes, ds went to his birthday party but that's what it was, a birthday party not a Christmas party!! It's irrelevant when someone's birthday is, it should still be celebrated as their birthday. I'm with you, op. It was especially mean to give him only one present when you'd discussed it too. What does ds think about getting one present/christmassy presents?

If you hadn’t discussed it, I would say let it slide but the fact you discussed it and he STILL purchased just one present for both occasions says to me he did it to spite you.

He's known the child 6 months and bought him a present for Christmas. Some people would appreciate that and not lay down rules that they HAVE to buy a birthday present too.

He is in an intimate relationship with this woman and quite frankly, I can't believe the shit people are willing to put up with from an intimate partner.

You’re right. There is no way I would tolerate an intimate partner dictating to me exactly how I must buy presents for his child/ren.

I would be genuinely speechless at being told what to do like that.