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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend only bought DS one present...

327 replies

notagrabbygirlfriend · 28/12/2018 13:25

Been with boyfriend for 1 year. He’s been regularly seeing DS (7) since 6 months into our relationship.

DS is born on Christmas Eve. I expressed to him that I find it really cheeky, cheap and mean when people try to combine his Christmas and birthday present. You wouldn’t do it at any other time of year. Fair enough if it’s a massive or expensive gift that you would have done as a joint anyway, but using the excuse that he is born near Christmas to only get him one thing I find mean and stingy.

We had a big conversation about this and he said he thought I was being rude by expecting two gifts. Of course people would combine due to the time of year. I said it’s cheeky and I wouldn’t accept it for my son. You wouldn’t combine a summer born child’s present with Christmas, you’d be told you were a CF. As I said, expensive gifts I understand, but otherwise no.

Anyway, the day comes around and low and behold he gives my son a combined Christmas and birthday gift. It cost around £10. I don’t care about the price, he could’ve got him two gifts for £5 each. One for birthday, one for Christmas. It’s not about the price, it’s about the principle.

AIBU to think he’s been a complete arse considering he knew my stance on the matter? We’ve only been together a short while so I wouldn’t have really expected him to get him anything. But it feels like he has intentionally done this to make some sort of sanctimonious point?

OP posts:
AllTakenSoRubbishUsername · 28/12/2018 14:01

I think it is best to keep a line between the Christmas and Birthday presents - totally separate, NEVER Christmas paper on the BD present, etc. Because birthdays are really special when you're a kid and shouldn't be swallowed up by Christmas. But I suppose also it depends on whether usually your boyfriend is an amazing guy and great with your son, etc. If this is indicative of other similar behaviour from him then I would be very unhappy about it.

TwistedStitch · 28/12/2018 14:01

I put my foot down when relatives tried to use my DD's bday gathering (only a few days before Xmas) to exchange and open Xmas gifts with each other. Kids are entitled to have their own special celebration.

1forAll74 · 28/12/2018 14:01

Its nice that he bought a gift anyway, without all the hassle from you. I can't understand why some people get into such a state about such things. It's totally wrong to say that it's cheeky,cheap and mean,to only by one present, it is the persons choice to do this,and not what you think should happen.

TacoLover · 28/12/2018 14:02

He's only known the kid six months and you expect not one, but two presents? Confused

Bringbackthestrioes · 28/12/2018 14:03

I think it is very mean to combine gifts for Christmas babies.

A birthday is their day alone whereas everyone gets Christmas gifts. YANBU especially as you had already had a discussion about it. Buying nothing would have been preferable or, if cost was an issue, then 2 small things.

Does your BF have a birthday coming up? Get him one gift and say happy birthday Christmas and see how he likes it!

recreationalcalpol · 28/12/2018 14:04

You introduced your BF to your DS after only 6 months and now you’re thinking of ditching him?? deliberately misses point of thread

wakemewhenitsallover · 28/12/2018 14:06

AIBU to think he’s been a complete arse considering he knew my stance on the matter?

Yes, he is. It doesn't really matter what it was about - the point is you asked him to do something that benefited your DS and he overruled you.

it feels like he has intentionally done this to make some sort of sanctimonious point?

Yes, probably. He's also possibly also testing the waters to see who you'll put first in a disagreement, him or your DS.

Definite red flags here. He doesn't trust what you say about parenting your own DS, nor does he want to go out of his way to please you / him.

Not a keeper I'd say.

Did you see that MN thread on saying no to a man? The gist is, you'll find out a lot about a man if you say no to him and see how he reacts.

wakemewhenitsallover · 28/12/2018 14:07

recreationalcalpol

OFDOD

DocRogen · 28/12/2018 14:07

One of my closest friends birthday is a couple of days before Christmas. She's in her 40's now but she told me birthdays were not so great when she was a kid because of joint presents and little things like people not bothering with birthday cards and paper and everything being Christmas.

These things are remembered. He's been really mean and done it to try and prove a point. He's a wanker.

wakemewhenitsallover · 28/12/2018 14:07

Haha, or ODFOF even.

wakemewhenitsallover · 28/12/2018 14:08

Oh I give up Haven't even been on the Christmas port yet...

NottonightJosepheen · 28/12/2018 14:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FishCanFly · 28/12/2018 14:09

both in a wrong. I wouldn't expect a relatively "new" boyfriend to buy anything for my kid. But since OP informed him, he was an arse to buy only one present.

GreenTulips · 28/12/2018 14:11

On another thread someone brought their brother a pair of shoes

One for his July birthday and the other to be given at Christmas

Brother didn’t combine gifts from then on.

You’re right it’s mean

NottonightJosepheen · 28/12/2018 14:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dementedpixie · 28/12/2018 14:13

Dh's birthday is 27 th December and he remembers crap birthdays as a child where his parents had to go and get him a card on that day as they hadn't done it before and he got shit last minute presents too. I always make sure he has birthday cards and presents bought separately.

Rudgie47 · 28/12/2018 14:14

I wouldn't be sleeping with him again that's for sure.
OP hes not going to be a step dad to your son is he? when someone shows you who they are believe them, the first time.

dementedpixie · 28/12/2018 14:15

They've been together for 1 year and in the child's life for 6 months

GabsAlot · 28/12/2018 14:16

no its not fair on the child and the fact u even spoke abo9ut it he should have got something else

my friend ds is boen 21st loads of people buy a combined prsent poor kid

NottonightJosepheen · 28/12/2018 14:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thewifipasswordis · 28/12/2018 14:18

It's shitty behaviour OP. It's my Birthday 10 days after Christmas. So 4 days after NY too. Everyone regifts their unwanted crap to me if, well when they've even bothered to remember it's my birthday anyway.

GabsAlot · 28/12/2018 14:18

its not what one person thinks 1forall it is mean to get a child one present because their birthday is around xmas

notacooldad · 28/12/2018 14:18

Seniorschoolmum

To be honest, you sound quite controlling. Telling people what you will & will not accept is pretty arrogant don’t you think?
Not when it concerns your kids.

Best to lay your stall out early on and let a new partner know what you will put up with in the best interests of your child.

tubspreciousthings · 28/12/2018 14:19

So you explained how you felt, he disagreed and ignored your views/request?

Regardless of what it's about, this is a sign that he has no respect for you or your opinions. I'd not want him around me or my children. Get rid OP - when someone shows you are they are, pay attention.

Thewifipasswordis · 28/12/2018 14:19

He has shown you who he is. Believe him. You are not compatible. Start the new year fresh if I were you.