Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend only bought DS one present...

327 replies

notagrabbygirlfriend · 28/12/2018 13:25

Been with boyfriend for 1 year. He’s been regularly seeing DS (7) since 6 months into our relationship.

DS is born on Christmas Eve. I expressed to him that I find it really cheeky, cheap and mean when people try to combine his Christmas and birthday present. You wouldn’t do it at any other time of year. Fair enough if it’s a massive or expensive gift that you would have done as a joint anyway, but using the excuse that he is born near Christmas to only get him one thing I find mean and stingy.

We had a big conversation about this and he said he thought I was being rude by expecting two gifts. Of course people would combine due to the time of year. I said it’s cheeky and I wouldn’t accept it for my son. You wouldn’t combine a summer born child’s present with Christmas, you’d be told you were a CF. As I said, expensive gifts I understand, but otherwise no.

Anyway, the day comes around and low and behold he gives my son a combined Christmas and birthday gift. It cost around £10. I don’t care about the price, he could’ve got him two gifts for £5 each. One for birthday, one for Christmas. It’s not about the price, it’s about the principle.

AIBU to think he’s been a complete arse considering he knew my stance on the matter? We’ve only been together a short while so I wouldn’t have really expected him to get him anything. But it feels like he has intentionally done this to make some sort of sanctimonious point?

OP posts:
XiCi · 28/12/2018 13:46

Sounds like he's done this purposefully in order to spite you, in which case he does not sound like a nice person. Or is he just really tight with money?

Bluntness100 · 28/12/2018 13:46

You wouldn't have expected him to buy him anything but if he did, he should buy two?

Is that right?

Okdoke.

redexpat · 28/12/2018 13:46

All the 'you sound controlling' brigade do not have December birthdays.

And do you know what? The christmas birthday is a red herring. She specifically said dont do x and he did it anyway. I agree with a pp that he is testing the water to see what he can get away with.

jumperoonie · 28/12/2018 13:47

@DelightfulCunt I'm amazed by people on here, someone asks a genuine question that's quite normal in my eyes and posters just go to town on them. I don't understand it!

thegreylady · 28/12/2018 13:49

My dgs was born on 22/12. They never put the tree up till 23rd so 22 is all about the birthday. As far as I know he always gets separate presents (teenager now). I do think it is a bit mean to combine them.

frogsbreath · 28/12/2018 13:49

You said you didn't like something, but he did it anyway.

I also have a December birthday. As a child I hated gifts in Xmas wrapping paper. These things matter to children, and so they matter to the parents.

Your bf just sounds like he doesn't care enough to listen to you and accept your opinion

jumperoonie · 28/12/2018 13:49

@Bluntness100 well yes, exactly that.

Berniethefastestmilkwoman · 28/12/2018 13:50

I would not buy your son anything if I was a family member or friend. I would if I was your boyfriend but no way would I buy a present of any type for a child whose parent had the attitude you have. People must buy him two presents or they are mean and stingy and cheeky fuckers. No. I don't have to buy anybody else's child anything. I will do so if I want to but I really don't have to.

BlueJava · 28/12/2018 13:50

You can't control whether people give both birthday and xmas presents when they fall close. My twin DS have their birthday in early Jan and often get joint xmas/birthday presents - I just make sure I make it up to them myself. It's nice if people remember and give something for either/both though.

Minniemagoo · 28/12/2018 13:51

Agree, it's the spite is just awful. In his opinion one is enough and therefore thats the way it should be. Red flag right there.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 28/12/2018 13:51

. I expressed to him that I find it really cheeky, cheap and mean when people try to combine his Christmas and birthday present

It was probably that conversation that prompted the one present. He didn't have to buy him anything but he did.

Jaxhog · 28/12/2018 13:51

Ditch him. It isn't that he spent so little, it's the lack of respect for YOU that would grate.

GrandmaSteglitszch · 28/12/2018 13:53

Is he testing the waters to see what you'll put up with? Very likely.

jumperoonie · 28/12/2018 13:54

@GreatDuckCookery buying nothing at all would have been better than being spiteful as a result of a conversation which wasn't directed at him, but showed OP's frustration at the unfairness of her son not having a separate birthday

MrMeSeeks · 28/12/2018 13:56

I don't think you’ll have to worry about it again Hmm
If my new partner had a go at me when i was nice enough to buy a gift, they wouldnt be my partner for long.

MissCharleyP · 28/12/2018 13:56

It is horrible of him, especially as you’ve said you don’t agree with it.

My birthday is November and I remember once getting a combined birthday & Christmas present!

Jellycatspyjamas · 28/12/2018 13:56

You have a view about combined presents, he has a different view - which he told you in advance, so why would you be surprised when he bought one gift? It’s not like he nodded along, pretended to agree the did something different. He was clear he thinks it’s rude to expect two gifts, just as you think it’s rude not to give two gifts. You can decide whether it’s a dealbreaker or not, but I don’t see why your views on the matter should trump his.

Orchidflower1 · 28/12/2018 13:57

Maybe he wouldn’t have got anything at all if you hadn’t said anything.
What did he say when he gave the gift to your ds?
Were you pleased with what he bought you for Christmas?

Lizzie48 · 28/12/2018 13:57

@whatsthepointthen

Why do you think the OP is being U? It's very lazy to just write YABU without explaining why. It's very common on AIBU, though.

I don't think you're being U at all, OP, combined Christmas and birthday pressies are very stingy.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 28/12/2018 13:57

We don't know whether he ever intend to buy two gifts though and quite frankly the way the OP worded it I'm not surprised he didn't.

Sirzy · 28/12/2018 13:57

As annoying as combined presents are he isn’t obliged to buy anything for hour child.

It was nice of him to think to buy a present don’t turn it into a big issue

jumperoonie · 28/12/2018 13:57

@BlueJava OP is clearly referring to people who would buy him a present anyway, she's not telling anyone to buy him a present, but if she had two children and person x bought the other child a birthday present in April then bought a separate Christmas present but did the other child a joint one, I don't think that's really fair. People are allowed to express their frustrations for things, it doesn't make them ungrateful or mean and stingy, but for such a young child the message is that his birthday isn't important and he doesn't get a special day of his own. If the child was fine with it it wouldn't be an issue

jumperoonie · 28/12/2018 13:59

On that note my mum didn't buy my son a birthday present last year because she said she forgot because it was Christmas. It's always been his birthday funnily enough since he was born sooo... yeah I can definitely see where OP is coming from

jumperoonie · 28/12/2018 14:00

And people should be able to tell their partners the way they feel and be respected, especially if it comes to their children. He didn't have to buy anything and in this circumstance I'd rather he didn't bother because what he's done is passive aggressive and spite

SpaceDinosaur · 28/12/2018 14:01

Boot him