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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend only bought DS one present...

327 replies

notagrabbygirlfriend · 28/12/2018 13:25

Been with boyfriend for 1 year. He’s been regularly seeing DS (7) since 6 months into our relationship.

DS is born on Christmas Eve. I expressed to him that I find it really cheeky, cheap and mean when people try to combine his Christmas and birthday present. You wouldn’t do it at any other time of year. Fair enough if it’s a massive or expensive gift that you would have done as a joint anyway, but using the excuse that he is born near Christmas to only get him one thing I find mean and stingy.

We had a big conversation about this and he said he thought I was being rude by expecting two gifts. Of course people would combine due to the time of year. I said it’s cheeky and I wouldn’t accept it for my son. You wouldn’t combine a summer born child’s present with Christmas, you’d be told you were a CF. As I said, expensive gifts I understand, but otherwise no.

Anyway, the day comes around and low and behold he gives my son a combined Christmas and birthday gift. It cost around £10. I don’t care about the price, he could’ve got him two gifts for £5 each. One for birthday, one for Christmas. It’s not about the price, it’s about the principle.

AIBU to think he’s been a complete arse considering he knew my stance on the matter? We’ve only been together a short while so I wouldn’t have really expected him to get him anything. But it feels like he has intentionally done this to make some sort of sanctimonious point?

OP posts:
DameSquashalot · 30/12/2018 00:29

YABU. DD has a late December birthday. Her auntie gave her a present and said it could be for Christmas or her birthday. DD is 10. She is not judging or counting. I will teach her to always be thankful for what she's got and not to count the things that she hasn't got.

Lweji · 30/12/2018 01:25

It's not about material things, FGS.
It's about acknowledging a child's special day separately from Christmas, which is everyone's.
Everyone else gets a special day during the year, so why not December/January babies too?

lboogy · 30/12/2018 02:30

YANBU. He's known your son for 6.5 years. He can easily figure out what boys want and given you've told him about combined gifts he should have listened to you.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 30/12/2018 04:23

6 months not 6.5 years.

squeekums · 30/12/2018 05:01

YANBU OP

Its not the price, or even what the gift is but its about your kid having a birthday, not just tied in with christmas and a 2nd thought over christmas.
I mean would people say the christmas cake or pudding is his birthday cake too? Christmas dinner his birthday party too? If not, then why should a gift be different? I would expect separate presents if dd was born in december

stabulous · 30/12/2018 05:27

Dump him. He's just shown you he doesn't care about your opinions regarding your son. Get rid.

Pumpkinbell · 30/12/2018 06:16

YANBU OP, my birthday is 20/12 and I used to hate it as a child when parents etc bought combined gifts. Children love Birthdays and Christmas and they should be allowed to enjoy the separately. Although must admit now it doesn’t me as much. I get seperate from DH and DD so very happy. I would ask him why he did it especially after you spoke about it.

Pumpkinbell · 30/12/2018 06:17

**should say doesnt bother me as much

Rockmysocks · 30/12/2018 06:49

It hurts to see your kid having a birthday ignored because of Christmas. It hurts their feelings and they do wonder why everyone else gets a present for both occasions but not them.

Very insensitive of bf.

Loveworlds1 · 30/12/2018 06:54

I totally agree .. now if he was your husband and had been for a while yes. But one year he didn't really have to buy anything

MariaWaria · 30/12/2018 07:05

I have a DC with a Christmas birthday and people who aren't that close or don't care about him seem to disregard the need for two separate presents.

Your BF clearly falls into the category of 'don't care' if not both. And it seems that applies to you too if he can't respect your wishes.

saffkey1 · 30/12/2018 07:45

I think especially since you made your feelings clear on this,that this is really mean,sounds like he has dlone it to prove a point.

MyOtherProfile · 30/12/2018 08:54

Has he blatantly disregarded your opinion on other things OP?

PerverseConverse · 30/12/2018 09:44

What have you decided to do OP?

Original poster
notagrabbygirlfriend · 30/12/2018 10:46

I am going to break things off with him. This isn’t the first time he has shown a lack of regard for my feelings. He is quite the selfish man in other ways. I would consider myself a generous person so that doesn’t bode well.

This is the first BF that has been introduced to my DS in 5 years. I am going to be a lot more careful next time. It’s very difficult though, to judge time spans, how long does it really take to get to know someone? With my EX it wasn’t until DS was born (4 year relationship) that his true personality was revealed!

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 30/12/2018 10:52

Hopefully the OP has ignored the emotionally illiterate, virtue signallers on this threadXmas Hmm and dumped her scumbag boyfriend.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 30/12/2018 11:15

I think you are doing the right thing. No one needs a selfish partner and if he's like this now, imagine living with him or being married and it being so much harder to extricate yourself.

jacksonmaine · 30/12/2018 11:23

You could look at it a different way.

If he did as you asked it could be seen as a bit creepy or buying your son's affection with material gifts after only knowing him for a short time. He may feels it cheapens their relationship when he doesn't know him very well. Also it looks a bit presumptive like he is trying to take his DF's place.

TeddybearBaby · 30/12/2018 11:31

I thought I read you were seeing him last night? Did you not finish it then (if that’s the plan anyway)

DioneTheDiabolist · 30/12/2018 12:14

Or you could look at it realistically and realise that this man doesn't listen to you or respect you and is happy to use your 7yo child to hammer this unpleasant fact home.

Lweji · 30/12/2018 12:55

If he did as you asked it could be seen as a bit creepy or buying your son's affection with material gifts after only knowing him for a short time. He may feels it cheapens their relationship when he doesn't know him very well. Also it looks a bit presumptive like he is trying to take his DF's place.

W T A F ?

Onehotminute · 30/12/2018 13:18

No amount of 'informing' him of what will be 'accepted' actually means he can't have his own opinion and make his own decision. We had a big conversation about this and he said he thought I was being rude by expecting two gifts. Of course people would combine due to the time of year.

pantyclaws · 30/12/2018 13:58

Totally hate the concept of telling someone how they must give a gift - very rude

But the op didn't tell him this - merely expressed her understandable irritation at people giving her DC a joint present just because he happened to have his birthday close to Christmas. It would probably have been better if he'd got no gifts for her DS.

Hidillyho · 30/12/2018 18:58

They've been together less than a year... Nice way to snark at a single mum dating though

Nothing about being ‘snarky’ to a single parent. My point is that they are in a relationship so it’s odd that they don’t buy him a gift together. If I was in a relationship with someone who isn’t my child’s other parent I wouldn’t expect them to purchase a separate gift for anyone (regardless of it being my child, their child, nieces or nephews). I thought it pretty standard practice that gifts are given from the couple not from the person

MyOtherProfile · 30/12/2018 23:31

I think it would be odd if gifts were given from them as a couple to her child. Really odd. He has only known the child 6 months and doesn't have a strong relationship with him whereas she is his mother. They aren't at the stage in their relationship with the child to be doing something as co-parenty as buying joint presents.

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