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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend only bought DS one present...

327 replies

notagrabbygirlfriend · 28/12/2018 13:25

Been with boyfriend for 1 year. He’s been regularly seeing DS (7) since 6 months into our relationship.

DS is born on Christmas Eve. I expressed to him that I find it really cheeky, cheap and mean when people try to combine his Christmas and birthday present. You wouldn’t do it at any other time of year. Fair enough if it’s a massive or expensive gift that you would have done as a joint anyway, but using the excuse that he is born near Christmas to only get him one thing I find mean and stingy.

We had a big conversation about this and he said he thought I was being rude by expecting two gifts. Of course people would combine due to the time of year. I said it’s cheeky and I wouldn’t accept it for my son. You wouldn’t combine a summer born child’s present with Christmas, you’d be told you were a CF. As I said, expensive gifts I understand, but otherwise no.

Anyway, the day comes around and low and behold he gives my son a combined Christmas and birthday gift. It cost around £10. I don’t care about the price, he could’ve got him two gifts for £5 each. One for birthday, one for Christmas. It’s not about the price, it’s about the principle.

AIBU to think he’s been a complete arse considering he knew my stance on the matter? We’ve only been together a short while so I wouldn’t have really expected him to get him anything. But it feels like he has intentionally done this to make some sort of sanctimonious point?

OP posts:
Original poster
notagrabbygirlfriend · 28/12/2018 19:49

Nope, he’s expressed interest in us being a proper family. He gets involved in my sons care, picking out clothes for him and monitoring brushing of teeth etc.

He’s a good partner, and is usually good with DS. He took him to the park to play football when I was called in to work unexpectedly on a Saturday.

It’s out of character behaviour, hence why it seems like he has done it to spite me. I’m going to do this intentionally because you’ve said you don’t like it and I so agree so Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
notagrabbygirlfriend · 28/12/2018 19:51
  • and I don’t agree so
OP posts:
nicenewdusters · 28/12/2018 19:55

What are you going to do about it OP ? Have you mentioned it ?

NewPapaGuinea · 28/12/2018 19:56

£10 on a JOINT birthday and xmas present is shit and combining them despite you expressing the opposite is a faux pas. I’d have given the BF his xmas present and, tongue in cheek, said it was also a joint birthday present.

DelightfulCunt · 28/12/2018 20:07

I think he sounds like a tight arse, £10 on a combined bday/Christmas present for your girlfriends child, when you’ve expressed interest in becoming a family etc?!
Nah

DioneTheDiabolist · 28/12/2018 20:18

YANBU OP. Ditch this passive aggressive dick wad, who used your son's birthday to make a nasty point.

UnleashTheBulsara · 28/12/2018 20:41

the OP having being influenced by the bias of people on the internet

The OP had an opinion on this long before she asked the opinion of people on the internet, though - her Ds is 7 and they will have experienced this before, hence OP mentioning her feelings about combined presents to her BF. I doubt very much the opinions of people who think it no big deal will sway her very much.

OP I have December birthday and didn't get pocket money as a child. So any money I got for my birthday, I was expected to spend on Christmas presents for other people.

That sure made me feel sooooo special Hmm

Fairylightfurore · 28/12/2018 20:48

Thank him then end the relationship. It's not about the number of gifts. It's about him not paying attention or not caring enough to respect your wishes. If he does it over this, what else will he do it over? Move on. A year isn't very long to get to know someone and this has given you a vital clue to what he's really like.

Figgygal · 28/12/2018 20:53

My ds bday is on 22nd I'd not be happy about this either shows a lack of care and respect

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 29/12/2018 05:17

My birthday is 22nd and my family have always bought me 2 lots of presents no one has ever been cheeky enough to try and combine the 2 my mum made sure that was never done to me and I would be upset if someone did that to me it’s lazy and nasty and makes it look like your sons birthday doesn’t matter.

selepele · 29/12/2018 05:28

Argos we’re doing two toys for £15

He’s cheap I would find a new bf

selepele · 29/12/2018 05:29

My mum is on 27 and we always got her two gifts and two celebrations

WereYouHareWhenIWasFox · 29/12/2018 06:00

So someone you have known for 5 minutes turns out to not be what you expected. Good job your child wasn’t involved with him... oh wait..

The4thSandersonSister · 29/12/2018 06:24

Mmmmm if this guy is auditioning for the role of your DP and Step-daddy then he dropped a bollock on this one. If he deliberately combined your sons gift after you expressly told him you disliked the practice then he was doing it to spite you and make a point.

6 months is too early for the mask to be dropping so maybe consider your relationship as it's not just you involved and he made your DS's gift into a point scoring exercise.

Stormy76 · 29/12/2018 06:30

I don't understand why it's acceptable at Christmas to give a joint birthday / Xmas gifts so I agree with you. It's happened to my son in the past and I do not like it at all. It's cheap, anyone who completely ignores what you have said is not going to work out long term. It's not controlling at all it's about having your child's birthday being made as important as every other child's birthday, keeping Christmas separate

MistressDeeCee · 29/12/2018 06:43

You are being rude. Your sense of entitlement is astonishing. You could have chosen to be gracious, as he did at least buy your son a gift. Your rule is 2 presents, your partner's may not be.

I'd be surprised if your relationship lasts, to be honest. If you're in dictator mode about your child to a man who isn't his dad and has only known him 6 mere months, then you may as well get your 'Passion Killer'
t shirt on now.

AlaskanOilBaron · 29/12/2018 06:44

Dump him, and be more selective the next time you bring someone into your son's life.

malificent7 · 29/12/2018 06:53

Tricky...id read him.the riot act and see what happens. Some men are shocking at gift giving.

Unambitiousme · 29/12/2018 06:54

So from the OP’s most recent update, her BF is generally considerate towards her and also towards her son. Yet because he has the audacity of exercising his right to his opinion by purchasing her son just one gift, only having known him for 6 months he is a twat, mean and all the other insulting terms that have been used about him and she should dump him? How shallow is that?

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 29/12/2018 07:01

I'd get rid. He has shown you that he is mean and stingy and that his opinion is more important than yours, even when it regards your child.

I think £10 for a combined Christmas and birthday present is really tight. You are not a casual acquaintance - he is talking about being part of your family. He's going to have a right shock at the cost of Christmas, if he does!

AlaskanOilBaron · 29/12/2018 07:07

Unambitious if you had a young child whose birthday was often rolled into Christmas, you'd expect your partner to generally make a fuss over the poor kid's birthday (I have a Christmas kid, and it's something we've devoted a lot of effort to).

Of course, this guy doesn't seem to give a shit, probably because he doesn't feel terribly paternal towards the OP's son.

And £10 for a combined Christmas and birthday present is miserly.

Unambitiousme · 29/12/2018 07:21

But Alaskan, the OP has stated that he’s good to the son and shows interest in him on day to day matters. How does that equate to him ‘not giving a shit’ about him? Isn’t that more important? There’s just no perspective here. Also it may be that once he’s known the boy for longer and developed a deeper bond, he naturally gravitates towards the OP’s way of thinking.

StoppinBy · 29/12/2018 07:22

That is mean, must be hard for xmas babies who seem to get lost in xmas.

If I was you I would always have a small celebration - cake, dinner with a few family member etc the week before xmas, that way it is always celebrated separately from xmas.

If I had a partner who did that to my child I would see him as a passer by, not staying for the long haul.

AlaskanOilBaron · 29/12/2018 07:27

But Alaskan, the OP has stated that he’s good to the son and shows interest in him on day to day matters.

I read the OP's update as damning him with faint praise.

LagunaBubbles · 29/12/2018 07:34

don’t think it’s right for parents to combine children’s birthday/Christmas presents but fine for anyone else to

So just because a child is born close to Christmas Day it's OK for everyone not to mark their birthday as a separate occasion from Christmas, like ever other child born the rest of the year? What a nasty way to look at making a child feel different.

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