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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell DP they're not staying?

150 replies

NomsQualityStreets · 28/12/2018 08:26

DP is very passionate about his hobby and has now taken on a proactive/responsible role in the club that he is in.
Last month he announced that his friend who lives abroad but used to live here in the UK (I met him a few times) and his relative are visiting soon as he's also involved in the hobby and they will be going to a talk/seminar about it and will be doing a few more bits to do with it whilst he's here and they will stay with us.
I told him very clearly that this won't work and to make alternative arrangements , we have a small 2 bed terrace with 2 DCs who are 1yo and 3yo and a DDog and we are already overcrowded. DC1 is in the box room and DC2 is still in our bedroom in the cot as he wakes up sometimes, downstairs consists only of a kitchen and small lounge which gets occupied as soon as either of the DCs wake up which could be as early as 5.45 am. Also the dog needs letting out in the morning around 6am and she usually sleeps in the lounge.

Anyway he mentioned this month about the friends visiting and I asked what have they done about the sleeping arrangements and he said they will just have to stay in the lounge on a blow up mattress.
AIBU to tell him that's not happening unless he wants me and the DCs to bugger off to my parents for the whole time they're here? Im not very social and need my space, I hate hosting and the idea of being potentially stuck at home with the non English speaking relative of dhs friend and having to entertain/host and the sheer awkwardness is already making me twitch - he assures me that wont happen and relative is coming with them but I don't buy it.
And the general idea of us all just kind of shuffling past each other to get anywhere and cramming ourselves into the small spaces of the house just makes me feel exhausted already.
AIBU?

OP posts:
Kikipost · 28/12/2018 08:28

How’ many nights?

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 28/12/2018 08:29

Yanbu, I'd be really pissed off that he chose to ignore your previously clear statement. In fact instead of talking to you and trying to reach a compromise he's just thought 'bollocks, my needs and wants are more important.
Pretty sure I'd be taking the kids to visit my mum and doing nothing to ready the house for visitors in the meantime, he can do the cleaning, shopping and cooking!

mortifiedmama · 28/12/2018 08:33

YANBU. One night I'd do it, but not more. They need to get a hotel.

Gina2012 · 28/12/2018 08:37

But you've already said no.

Is he deaf?

NomsQualityStreets · 28/12/2018 08:39

Oh and it's 3 nights.
I really wouldn't mind that much if we had an adequately sized house but we really don't.

OP posts:
Delatron · 28/12/2018 08:40

I bet he’ll swan off to work and leave you to do all the hosting too.

Definitely no. Get him to tell them asap so they can book a hotel. I doubt they’ll want waking a 5.45 by dogs and children either.

endofthelinefinally · 28/12/2018 08:43

Either they book a travel lodge or you go to your mum's.
Will they turn your house into a tip?
DH invited a friend to stay in our tiny house for a couple of nights. I had to throw him ( the friend) out eventually. Nightmare.

Floralhousecoat · 28/12/2018 08:43

Yanbu. Your small house and young kids are not up to hosting 2 people you barely know for 3 nights.

NomsQualityStreets · 28/12/2018 08:43

And just so it's not a drip feed - it's over the weekend so he is around and he's fine with making dinner etc but we literally barely fit in the house ATM and I'm 99% certain I will end up getting stuck with the DCs aforementioned non English speak relative at some point.

OP posts:
NomsQualityStreets · 28/12/2018 08:44

The DCs AND the aforementioned relative - they are in no way related to us!

OP posts:
Fluffyears · 28/12/2018 08:45

Yep i’d leave him to it.

letsdolunch321 · 28/12/2018 08:49

Do not offer to go to your parents, you & the dc should come first in this situation.

The dumb arse dh needs to listen to you.

Delatron · 28/12/2018 08:49

Just say no and if he persists then go to your Mum’s.

YourHandInMyHand · 28/12/2018 08:50

How bloody selfish of him.

Atalune · 28/12/2018 08:51

I would probably go to my parents and get them to help me with the young children and leave DH to it.

MikeUniformMike · 28/12/2018 08:52

They could stay at a nearby hotel or B&B.

XXcstatic · 28/12/2018 08:52

I'd see the non English-speaking bit as a bonus - less awkward small talk Grin

Sympathies though, OP. I can understand why your DP is keen to host his friends, but it does sound like the house is too small for overnight guests.

DeepanKrispanEven · 28/12/2018 08:53

Where does he propose the dog should go whilst the friends are there? Do they all get to share the lounge together?

Singlebutmarried · 28/12/2018 08:54

Can they not book an air B and B for themselves and leaving you and the DC in peace?

They can then hobby til their hearts’ content and bore each other to death.

Guacatrole · 28/12/2018 08:54

I’d say no again, if he’s embarrassed tough shit... you warned him. If he does it anyway, I’d literally just leave to my parents and probably stay there

DeepanKrispanEven · 28/12/2018 08:55

I'd be tempted to go to my parents on my own and leave him to wrangle the kids overnight if he thinks this arrangement is so easy.

Gina2012 · 28/12/2018 08:55

And just so it's not a drip feed - it's over the weekend so he is around and he's fine with making dinner etc but we literally barely fit in the house ATM

Sorry to repeat myself

But

You've said no

Is he deaf?

Why is this still being discussed?

Guacatrole · 28/12/2018 08:55

Or even a hotel, so the money he saves them, he now has to fork out for

pineapplebryanbrown · 28/12/2018 08:57

If he does over ride you and bring these friends (of his) definitely go to your mum's, don't do any hosting. I just don't understand why people have to stay in peoples' houses at all! It's so annoying, this is what Premier Inn was invented for.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 28/12/2018 08:57

HI DP ..they aren't staying ,,sorry just ain;t happening! This is our home and I will not have strangers staying around my kids,It is reckless and stupid of you to think this is ok its not it could be dangerous,I am not standing on ceremony all weekend looking after someone else who i don;t know and if they turn up I will cause such a scene and embarrass everyone you will wish I hadnt been born, try that OP!! Tell him if he wants to host his guests you are fine with that and he has a free reign to do as he pleases that weekend,,,so he can book a hotel for his guests and him and have a good time.,,,hopefully you will make him see sense and provide a solution at the same time...

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