To tell DP they're not staying?

[NomsQualityStreets]

DP is very passionate about his hobby and has now taken on a proactive/responsible role in the club that he is in.
Last month he announced that his friend who lives abroad but used to live here in the UK (I met him a few times) and his relative are visiting soon as he's also involved in the hobby and they will be going to a talk/seminar about it and will be doing a few more bits to do with it whilst he's here and they will stay with us.
I told him very clearly that this won't work and to make alternative arrangements , we have a small 2 bed terrace with 2 DCs who are 1yo and 3yo and a DDog and we are already overcrowded. DC1 is in the box room and DC2 is still in our bedroom in the cot as he wakes up sometimes, downstairs consists only of a kitchen and small lounge which gets occupied as soon as either of the DCs wake up which could be as early as 5.45 am. Also the dog needs letting out in the morning around 6am and she usually sleeps in the lounge.

Anyway he mentioned this month about the friends visiting and I asked what have they done about the sleeping arrangements and he said they will just have to stay in the lounge on a blow up mattress.
AIBU to tell him that's not happening unless he wants me and the DCs to bugger off to my parents for the whole time they're here? Im not very social and need my space, I hate hosting and the idea of being potentially stuck at home with the non English speaking relative of dhs friend and having to entertain/host and the sheer awkwardness is already making me twitch - he assures me that wont happen and relative is coming with them but I don't buy it.
And the general idea of us all just kind of shuffling past each other to get anywhere and cramming ourselves into the small spaces of the house just makes me feel exhausted already.
AIBU?

Go to your mothers. let him crack on with all of the the hosting, cooking and entertaining.

Jesus, the 'women should put up and shut up' to accommodate their other halves wishes (over their own) brigade are giving me the right hump. FGS, I imagine OP wouldn't suggest a friend stayed for 3 nights - because she's not stupid and understands the house can't accommodate them - so she wouldn't ask in the first place!

OP, if you don't want to give up your home for three days when it will be a god almighty squash TELL YOUR HUSBAND NO MATE, IT'S NOT HAPPENING.

That's all.

No fucking way. You do not have space to host these people. Tell DH it is not up for discussion - you have said no and that is that. If they show up, you will be telling them to leave.

And why should the OP uproot and let random strangers sleep in her DC's bedroom?? No way would I be comfortable with that.

Let me guess, is the hobby cycling? Because it appears from other MN posts on AIBU if one's DH's hobby is cycling they turn into a selfish bastard with no consideration with anybody else in the family.

If you uproot and go to your mums with the kids for three days, they will have free run of your house which is perfect for them.

I bet it will become a regular event then!

Oh, how big of him, he can make dinner for them! Bet he expects you to do all the shopping, cleaning to make sure the house is ship shape, change the beds, etc.

Just tell him, 'Nope. You want to host, host away. I'm off to my folks for the weekend. You shop, clean, cook and clean up after your guests because that's what hosting is all about! Will be good for you to learn all this.'

And then leave.

I had to do this to DH only once.

I would go away for the weekend with the DCs but would do no housework and leave a pile of his laundry (don’t wash any kit involved with the hobby) and an empty fridge before I left.

Make sure you remind him that the sheets need changing before AND after the guests arrive, clean the bathrooms and Hoover (again, before AND after they go) to get the food in, etc, etc.... You said no. You’re not playing:

Tbh, if I was the houseguest in this situation, I would feel extremely uncomfortable about staying in a place where there patently isn't room for us all! I wouldn't want to impose and would definitely feel that I was putting the family out by being there; I would choose to pay extra to stay locally, that would be far more pleasant. (I'd actually get to have a good night's sleep.)

Any reasonable guest would fully understand the fact that there isn't room!

That could be the best medicine for him as I'm sure there are heavy assumption's on DH/DPs side, that OP will pick up a variety of tasks. If you favour this approach OP because you don't think he will listen (which is a whole 'nother thing that you clearly need to sort out, if he makes a habit of it) - a short sharp shock could be the answer and highly effective more than words if they're not working.

Im sure 1 night is doable but 3 sounds too much in the space you've got. I'd just go to your mums and let him get on with it

Make sure you remind him that the sheets need changing before AND after the guests arrive, clean the bathrooms and Hoover (again, before AND after they go) to get the food in, etc, etc....

Why should she? That's his job. He's an adult. He can figure it out or he shouldn't be hosting. Enabling is for kids. The only thing I'd remind him of is that fresh sheets need to be on the bed when I get back, toodle pip, have a great time with them!

Am I the only one with a dp who could prepare the house for guests, feed them and clean up after them? A lot of assumption on here that the ops husband would fail at this.

Am I the only one with a dp who could prepare the house for guests, feed them and clean up after them?

No, my husband does, too, but he had to get a sharp shock as he assumed 'we' were hosting and that meant me doing all the shitwork whilst he did the fun bits like cook a spot of dinner or BBQ. So when he volunteered us to host one time with both of us working FT and 3 kids 6 and under, I packed up the kids and myself and left him to do it entirely. Sent one text the whole weekend, 'We're on the way back so fresh sheets need to be on all the beds and the dirty ones in the washing.'

He never volunteered us again without the two of us agreeing it together.

It's not likely that a person who blatantly disregarded his partner's objections to having 2 guests for 3 nights will be the type who prepares the house for guests, shops, cleans, etc.

How dare he invite anyone to stay and expect you to host without asking you first. If my DH did that to me, he'd be on the sofa for the foreseeable so there'd be nowhere for his guests anyway. I'm sure you would've been happy to entertain them for an evening meal if they were staying locally.

If he does force this on you then go to your mum's but make sure the cupboards are bare so that he can find out how hard it is to cater. Do not take the dog. I'd say leave the DC but that's hardly fair on them. Also hide a set of bed linen in case he puts them in your bed so you know that you can put clean sheets on your bed when you return.

I feel sorry for his friend and relative, tbh. Can you contact them directly and tell them you've said no and explain why. I'd be mortified to turn up to stay and discover that I'd been unilaterally invite by one half of a couple.

I'm with pps. You've said no and that's that. Go to your mum's and let him deal with everything.

It's such a pain when people are camped out in your living room and you've got kids that (quite rightly) want to go and play in their living room when they get up. Exh used to do this and I have vivid memories of perching on the bed with a bowl of cereal and watching the kids get toast crumbs on the duvet while the guests slept in. I was such a bloody doormat!

Do no prep , just pack and go.

@Veryflummoxed no my DH would too I would say it would be cleaner and tidier if me and DS were away. If my DH invites friends over (rarely) he would do all of the tidying and cleaning and take them out, but if we or I were making food both of us would make enough for the extra person/s

Veryflumoxed Mine would just do something random (like make a playlist) or suddenly have a very important piece of work to do whilst I did all the beds, cleaned all the bathrooms, stocked the cupboards.

Speaking to friends lots of DHs are like this. I don’t host very often these days and definitely not his friends.

What has your DH been smoking?

Who invites someone to come and stay with them without checking with they're OH first?!

I can't imagine they would be very comfortable with staying with you because there is no room.

I'd tell him this is his mess so he sorts it out!

AIBU to tell him that's not happening unless he wants me and the DCs to bugger off to my parents for the whole time they're here?

Quite honestly, I'd just do that.

But his behaviour is VVU - of course he needs to check with his wife before inviting 2 relative strangers to stay in their house with their v young children - and not completely ignore her when she's says it's too crowded.

Ideally, you should assert your boundaries, and make him find an AirBNB/hotel for them.

OP-if you buggered off with the kids to your Mum’s and left an empty fridge and cupboards, would you come home to find a filthy house with
Dirty bedding still on the beds
Takeaway packaging and beer cans everywhere?

Go to your mum and leave the kids to DP.

you have three options. You either take the kids to your mum's, you stay at home and put up with it or you univite the friends yourself.

Option 4: Leave kids with dad all weekend, you go to your parents/hotel.

Can they camp in the garden

I think you could turn this around a bit and say (as a one off) you will go to your parents but acknowledge that this will be the better outcome for him - he gets to hang out with his mates with no early rising children for the weekend - therefore, he owes you, big time, and will do some solo child (and dog) wrangling while you go off and do what you want - no necessarily a whole weekend, unless you want to, but some time for yourself. Preferably have a some days out for yourself BEFORE his friends come over so there is less chance of him making excuses after.

I may be projecting but it sounds like he considers the children to be your job while he does what he likes.