To think this is really odd behaviour

[MelbaToast]

Been with BF together a while now (about a year). The reason why I'm wondering this is because he has never invited me to his house. Ever. Our whole relationship has taken place from my house and a couple of bars in between our houses, which we go to once a month. He told me this was because he was doing work to his house. The other week I was really direct and asked him when he was going to invite me over and he said when the work is finished, ie, mid 2019. I've driven past his road a couple of times and there is scaffolding outside, so I do believe he's having work done. I just find it really odd that he wouldn't want to show me where he lives. He's also never introduced me to any of his friends (I'm digging my heels in with this one and not introducing him to any of my friends until he initiates).

I think my concern is that he has someone more serious that he doesn't want me to know about.

This is exactly what I said would happen. Op disappears at crucial moment and people will beg for updates.

This thread is as real as Santa.

Just placemarking to see whether real or not

Or maybe a woman and two children opened the door and op is in bed crying.

This is like the I've found a room in my house I didn't know existed thread, we all say, go and see what's in there! Op says oh I'm just going to have my tea. Mumsnet is screaming, please go and see what's in the room! Op says I am just going to put the kids to bed first. I had lost interest by then.

This is like the I've found a room in my house I didn't know existed thread

Yes exactly, but why do people do this? I am confused. Writing a crap novel maybe?

Melissa

So because they didn't update straight away it's fake? It's not a soap opera. You got suspicions report it.

Typical MO of these threads, post something suspicious or dramatic, reel lots of posters in, OP says they are taking action, lots of posters wish good luck, lots of posters check in to say hope things ok as OP hasn't been back, someone comes on to say it's not a soap opera/it's real life/OP doesn't owe anyone anything type comment, OP never comes back, thread dies leaving those who bothered to care annoyed at having been taken in. I've been on mumsnet less than a year and spend far too much time on here but this type of tread is common it seems.

Fake News.

Lots of suspicious MNers here. I thought he could well be genuine. I wouldn’t want people poking round my house if I was having building work either and 12 months isn’t really that long. But I’m single so maybe I’m a little more trusting from my viewpoint.

This is strange. Reasonable to be concerned, but maybe you could ask him straight? Only then would you really know the answer. Let him know you are worried, he might surprise you. Long term, you need to be able to trust him.

OP never comes back, thread dies leaving those who bothered to care annoyed at having been taken in

There’s two attitudes you can take to MN like this:

Soap opera

Giving someone a bit of helpful advice and support.

If you are reading because you enjoy the Soap Opera then you are going to be annoyed if you don’t get the next instalment. If you are reading because you enjoy the soap opera why would you care if it’s real or not?

If you are posting to try to help or support a stranger then you presumably won’t mind if the stranger takes your advice and then gets on with their life. It doesn’t matter whether it’s real or not because someone lurking might benefit from your advice even if the OP doesn’t.

On MN we never know what’s real and what’s not. Be helpful if you can but if a disappearing OP actively makes you annoyed I’d suggest you step away from MN a bit. Even genuine posters aren’t “real”.

Hope the op is ok?

??

Now on the sun Facebook page

Sorry I took so long to get back. I had a really bad night's sleep and have only just emerged. I knocked on his door and there wasn't anyone in. He got home at 6, wife and 2 kids with him. There was no way I was going to confront him in front of his kids so I drove home. When he asked to see me I told him what I had seen. He didn't bother to reply. I can't believe how stupid I've been.

Sorry if I disappointed some of you by taking so long. I just needed to be by myself with my misery.

Sorry to hear that but at least now you know the situation and can move on

Op I am sorry that was the outcome.

You may find it cathartic To actually confront him and tell him what a dick he is
Just don't let him fool you in to believing he would leave his wife and kids for you . It's very good of you not to want to split his family up and it may be his wife is aware of his extra curricular activities.

Are you going to put a note through for the wife? She deserves to know, but not by being confronted or with the risk of kids seeing or hearing.

I had an ex who had a fiancé in a different city which I didn’t know about for a year. I know how hard it is but do cut all ties. It will never end well. You will never trust him and even if you get him to yourself it will eat you up inside.

At least you know your gut instinct is one you can trust. Also what you won't put up with in the future. Sorry he was a complete scumbag. The shame is all his. You'll move on, he's stuck with being an arsehole.

what a twat is defo be confronting him about this and letting his poor wife know.

bloody hell