to think childbirth is so much worse than I thought it would be?

[Denira]

I'm nearly 10 weeks post partum. The lovely people coming to visit stage had worn off and I've now realised that people aren't too interested in how I am. They just come round to hold the baby and expect me to make them a brew in the process.

I'm exhausted. My baby doesn't sleep in a regular pattern. Completely erratic and for short bursts at a time. Often feeds every hour.

I keep getting mastitis and am still breastfeeding so constantly living in fear of that.

I have piles. That's all I'll say about that.

I've JUST NOW discovered I have some sort of vaginal prolapse and could cry as I did and am doing my pelvic floors religiously.

My body is ruined and I look a big fat mess. Covered in stretch marks. Very flabby belly and cellulite I didn't have before I'm now covered in.

My hair is all falling out.

I have PND and just feel.like.shit.

I think there are probably another 10/15 things I could add to that list.

How do we cope? It's so shit and as much as I adore my beautiful son, I'm totally ruined and don't see the point anymore as I'm just a milk machine that nobody really cares about that much.

Feeling so sad...

I don't mean just the childbirth bit. I mean just having a baby and PND and the aftermath all rolled in to one. It's so hard.

You are lovely, and despite it all you are doing really well.

Things will improve.just take it one bit at a time -an hour at a time if you need to. You can do it. Really you can.

And yes, all you have listed is a bit shit right now.

Do you have anyone in RL you can chat to?

The people on the breastfeeding helplines can be great to anonymously blub to if you need to let it all out.

You are the most important person in the whole wide world to your little boy. Now and forever more.

It gets better, I promise

@Wizzwazzwas I just feel like it's still so soon after giving birth but everyone expects you to be recovered and back to normal life. It's actually harder now than in the first two weeks, when I was 'allowed' to feel like shit and not be expected to carry on as normal,

I have people in RL, but find it hard to talk to them...

Oh OP it is hard you are right there is nothing wrong with finding it hard because it is so don't beat yourself up about it. I remember being where you are and wondering what the fuck I'd done but now DD is nearly 2 I've come out the other side and it's amazing. It does get better I swear but in the mean time there is absolutely nothing wrong with admitting you are struggling, in fact I think people who can admit it are incredibly brave and strong.

Are you seeking help for how you are feeling?

@Houseonahill I've not sought any help yet. I will though. I'm just not very proactive at the moment..

ah I feel for you, it's such a tough time. You have pnd so a lot of your sadness comes from that. Be reassured that this phase doesn't last much longer, it's generally known as the fourth trimester and somewhere between 12 and 16 weeks the feeds settle down and your body starts to feel more "normal" again ( an example would be boobs not leaking anymore yay!)

All the people who loved you before still love you now. Do you have a supportive partner? What are your extended family like?

You will find loads of great threads on pnd on here but as a fellow sufferer I say get out to groups, make friends and talk to trusted people. You will be surprised how much it helps to have a moan to a fellow mum in the same position and your babies can grow up together so you can share thoughts/advice on weaning/teething/potty training etc. Theres an app now where you can meet fellow mums.

If you haven't already speak to Gp there are medications you can take while breastfeeding. I breastfed for 2 years and took anti depressants from 3 weeks postpartum. There are also talking therapies and while there will be a waiting list you will likely be considered a priority as you are just 10weeks pp

My experience echoes your description. By the time my son was 6 weeks old I knew I would never ever do it again. Pregnancy and childbirth were by far the easiest bit. I do understand it's not like that for everyone though. I think the only thing that you can do (aside from getting medication for the PND) is to hold on to the fact that it will not last forever. Completely forget any attempts to maintain a clean/tidy house, just eat and rest. Please nap when the baby does. Good luck, I really feel for you, it's so tough ❤️

Awh, it sounds like you are having a really hard time

It can be awful, I remember seeing my belly the day I gave birth to DS, my 2nd, and thinking it was disgusting! But it bounces back - unfortunately it takes months rather than weeks.

More seriously, your PND is probably clouding this experience for you. Breastfeeding is hard but once you get the hang of it, it can be a lot easier, or bottles are perfectly fine - your mental health is a priority here if you have PND.

I really hope things get better for you - the tiny baby stage is exhausting even under the best of circumstances. Unfortunately I don’t have much practical advice but I didn’t want to say nothing. Plus having had 2 now, I know how quickly that constantly tired phase passes in the grand scheme of things. Congratulations on your little one

Okay, it is hard. Yes. But.

Prolapse - if you can remoty afford it, see a private women's health or pelvic floor physio asap. I cannot tell you much getting that sorted or at least knowing for sure what you are dealing with will improve your mental health. Mine was about £50-60 for an initial consult but I was so impressed I went back multiple times. I wouldn't wait for the NHS, just get that sorted if poss.

The other stuff, time and hormone rebalancing will sort. It really will.

Brand name hemmoroid cream to make life easier weight takes 9 months to put on 9 months to get off

Some babies have shite schedule with sleep

Your friends/family should make you a brew let them go thirsty if they don't! Learn the art of mishearing if they say are you putting the kettle on? Say yes please tea two sugars (or whatever you have) I'm gasping no time to drink with this one! Etc etc

Your hair falls out it's shit I missed my glossy locks although with dd I remember hacking it off as it was too thick and long!

This time doesn't last forever apparently one day you will miss these days dd is 18 now I miss the three year old version of her the new born squeaker not so much

I'm exhausted. My baby doesn't sleep in a regular pattern. Completely erratic and for short bursts at a time. Often feeds every hour.

I had one like that. I guess people who've had easier babies (or none) just don't understand what it's like. But, 'This too will pass'. It will get better.

Do your HV and/or GP know about the PND, are you getting any help for that?

It's far too soon to expect to be back to how you were pre pregnancy. It's taken 9 months plus to change, and will take time to change back. Which it will do.

Please do see someone about the prolapse and I hope you get proper treatment for it. The breastfeeding will calm down soon as well and start to feel less overwhelming.

Ah I remember this so well! I was so naive before baby and it hit me like a ton of bricks. It honestly does get better. Your body will start to feel like yours again (It won’t hurt to pee or poo!) I starting feeling better physically around the 12-14 weeks mark (your so close!) breastfeeding clicked into place and sleep became easier. I have always bed shared (read up on safety) and it made a huge difference. Keep a to do list on the fridge and when family come round and offer to help you don’t have to pretend to be polite you can send them to the list! Also do you have a partner? I had my husband make me a packed lunch every morning (when he made his for work) it made a huge difference as I was going whole days without food - my son is 11 months and I’m at the aww newborns are so lovely rose tinted stage now! Haha

I just feel like it's still so soon after giving birth but everyone expects you to be recovered and back to normal life.

With all three of my babies I can remember feeling really low at that moment when I was signed of by the midwife around 14 days after giving birth. It's as you say you are expected to cope from that moment on and actually that's quite often when it gets harder because they sleep so much for the first few days.

I tried talking to one close friend. I asked her what she knew about PND and she said "isn't that when women go a bit nuts after having a baby and end up putting their babies in the oven" so obviously I pretended that it was for a friend as I didn't want her thinking this way about me.

I love my son. I just feel like having a baby is going to bring me so much anxiety and I feel so overwhelmed by the emotions that come with it.

Though staring at him now... I love him so much. I'd protect him with my life.

Finding it all very overwhelming.

It does get better! It does, really.

I felt like you, 8 years ago (minus the prolapse but with mastitis) but now I'm myself again.
Your figure will come back, the stretch marks fade, and you will get sleep and lie-ins once more. It's all just temporary.
How did I get through it?
I just took each hour as it came, not even each day as a day is too long without sleep. I dozed on the settee whilst DS slept in the carry cot next to me. Ignore the housework and focus only on looking after your baby. The rest will come back in time.

I have 3 dc and I promise you it does get better .
We have a 10 year age gap between our dc's and even with my last dc I still felt like you do for ages after he was born. I had friends who's bodies seemed to have recovered within weeks but my body didn't and I still felt the effects of pregnancy/childbirth/ new baby for months. Starting to feel more like my self and my own body now but it's taken a long time. Be kind to yourself op. It's bloody hard on our bodies growing a baby.

It's still early days and your body will sort it's self out.What took almost 10 months to achieve takes a bit longer than 10weeks to sort out.
Do see someone about your pnd.
Try to get out even just for a walk everyday.Being a first time mum can be very isolating so make an effort to go to groups,the library or just seeing your DD.
And congratulations.

I hear you op it's brutal. For me the hair falling out felt like the final straw, after every other sacrifice and indignity under the sun, it also came as an unpleasant surprise. Why aren't more people honest? My oldest dc is only just 2 but I've aged a solid 5 years at least since pre-pregnancy. It's a harsh reality but I suppose one comes to accept it. Well done for persevering with breastfeeding through mastitis. On that at least I found things really turned a corner at 12 weeks and by 6 months your baby will be starting solids and the milk machine feeling does start to go away. I know that seems interminably long. Also for the weight loss, I have made no effort whatsoever but I'm back in my old clothes following dc2's birth in July although at 10 weeks I definitely wasn't. I think the period of 3-6 months if breastfeeding is when you generally lose the most weight as that's when milk production is greatest. I won't repeat the cliches you already know about time flying etc etc but in my experience they are true. There is something so special about a tiny newborn, and they don't care how you look. To your baby dc you are perfection. Remember that!

Also look for a la Leche league group in your area. I arrive in whatever state they give me tea and cake and listen to me moan while helping with any breastfeeding issues. They have been a lifeline for me!

I will be shot down for saying this but... mastitis is complete agony. Stop breastfeeding and get your baby a bottle. You are exhausted. Put yourself first. Give the baby and the bottle to someone else and get a warm bath and some sleep.

You've just done labour, you've done enough. Get some rest now. Congratulations! I'm sure your baby is beautiful.

I almost long to be back in that daze where my baby was 1 day old and people really appeared to care. I feel so so low :(

Thanks @LakeIsle48 - I appreciate that, but really won't give to breastfeeding. It's one of the things that I find so rewarding. He's put on so much weight and that's down to me. I'm protecting myself against breast and ovarian cancer which both run in my family. It's just something I can't and won't give up...

Aww OP it will get better I promise xxx