to think childbirth is so much worse than I thought it would be?

[Denira]

I'm nearly 10 weeks post partum. The lovely people coming to visit stage had worn off and I've now realised that people aren't too interested in how I am. They just come round to hold the baby and expect me to make them a brew in the process.

I'm exhausted. My baby doesn't sleep in a regular pattern. Completely erratic and for short bursts at a time. Often feeds every hour.

I keep getting mastitis and am still breastfeeding so constantly living in fear of that.

I have piles. That's all I'll say about that.

I've JUST NOW discovered I have some sort of vaginal prolapse and could cry as I did and am doing my pelvic floors religiously.

My body is ruined and I look a big fat mess. Covered in stretch marks. Very flabby belly and cellulite I didn't have before I'm now covered in.

My hair is all falling out.

I have PND and just feel.like.shit.

I think there are probably another 10/15 things I could add to that list.

How do we cope? It's so shit and as much as I adore my beautiful son, I'm totally ruined and don't see the point anymore as I'm just a milk machine that nobody really cares about that much.

Feeling so sad...

6 months?

Hahahahahahaha.

My eldest was 15 months. My youngest is 2 years and still doesn't sleep through.

Do NOT expect a full night's sleep by 6 month. It's this sort of bollocks pressure and unrealistic expectations that are half the problem.

If you’re constantly getting mastitis then maybe breastfeeding isn’t right for you. It will definitely be adding to your stress. I’d drop the 10pm feed and get your husband t give a bottle.

Some really very ignorant comments on BFing here

OP doesn’t need to give up BFing if she doesn’t want to which she has expressed already

It’s a medical fact that the best thing for mastitis is BFing. If it’s particularly bad, antibiotics are needed but you continue feeding. The worst thing you can do mid mastitis is stop breastfeeding

So those if you projecting your own feeding issues into OP, stop it. You clearly have no idea what you’re talking about.

Finally, you don’t EVER suggest stopping BFing to a woman that absolutely wants to feed and is already feeding successfully. That is her choice alone. There are many other ways for her to improve her mental health, on the other hand your ignorance might well make it worse.

It is bloody hard OP and if your "close friend" is so unsympathetic or unable to give you the support you need, then you must find it elsewhere. Keep posting on mumsnet. Phone the gp get an appt. Ask for breastfeeding groups in your area. Free playgroups. Keep going out and trying to connect with people, chatting with other mums at the same stage makes the world of difference. Don't for a minute believe the lie that it's just you feeling this way. You are in good company!

I'm 10 weeks post partum with DD2. It has been easier this time, but mainly because this time I know that it will eventually get better! Your life won't be the same again but you will get to a 'new normal'.

And to agree with what others have said, if you want to bf, people telling you to stop is really unhelpful.

Good luck

I'm not stopping breast feeding. My aunty and grandmother both died of breast cancer. My mum has had a cancerous lump removed from her breast but is still here to tell the tale. I will not give up breastfeeding and can assure you that unless my milk dries up I'll still be expressing 18 months from now, because for me, that is best. If I can offer myself any protection against breast cancer then I will, and if I can give my baby the best start in life then again, I will. I have no issue with formula, but it is scientifically proven that it doesn't offer the same benefits as breast milk.

Didn't want to go in to the above but I need support to continue, not advice to stop.

Op, I feel your pain.
I wish I had been warned of the aftermath of having a baby. I had never felt as low as I did. We’re 7 months down the line now and it gets so so so much better. Hang in there.

After all of that though you birthed a baby and for that, you’re a total warrior. My DS is nearly 2 and I still have total down days, especially when I see myself naked. I did the exercises but I still pee a bit when I sneeze. Sleep has still not gotten back to normal. We’re all in it together OP, stay strong, have a cry, there’ll be awful shit days and there’ll be good days. Lots of love x

Hi OP, first off - congratulations on baby!

it’s fucking hard work kids.. I’ve a 2 year old and a 6 month old - but it will get easier.

BF gets much easier after the first 12 weeks, if you are having recurrent mastitis I’d recommend reaching out to a Lactation consultant to help.

Get on to your Midwife/GP about your prolapse ASAP, or find a pelvic floor therapist as your health is vital to you being happy.

Having a routine helps if you can - even something as simple as ‘I will have a cup of tea and a sandwich at 12.30 every day’. I found a baby carrier a god send with both my kids.
Getting a 10 minute walk outside everyday helps as well, even if it’s to the corner shop and baby is in their baby grow.

Also - be kind to yourself. You have just had a baby, all your organs have yet to move back into place, your hormones will be all over the place - give yourself a massive pat on the back for what you’ve just achieved!

I know it’s really hard for you to understand right now but it will pass by ever so quickly, it feels like the blink of an eye. Eventually they reach an age where they don’t even want you to hug them anymore because it’s “sooo embarrassing” and you glare at them thinking sentimentally about them as a tiny baby.

It’s tough in the beginning, it really does seem relentless but in the grand scheme of things it’s a drop in the ocean. I have an 8 week old but my eldest is almost nine and I can’t believe it sometimes. It’s made me appreciate DC4 far more because I know he will be this tiny for all of two seconds.

Oh and I fully understand you wanting to continue BFing. I’ve BFd all four of mine too and with the first two it was so difficult at first. Ask your HV for as much support as you can or contact the la leche league.

Hey OP, I haven't read all the replies so sorry if duplicating, but I just wanted to give you some advice specific to the suspected prolapse.

1. Try to do everything you can to minimise further damage at the mo. Everything is weak and damaged at the mo and you are still healing. Don't make the mistake I did of lifting heavy things at this stage. Always use the buggy frame for the car seat rather than carrying it a long distance. Always pull up/contract your pelvic floor muscles before lifting anything you can't avoid lifting. Avoid lifting anything you can avoid lifting. Contract your pelvic floor before coughing or sneezing.

2. Insist that your GP refers you to both a pelvic physiotherapist AND a urogynaecologist for assessment and a plan of action.

3. Download the NHS squeezy app and continue pelvic floor exercises (10 where you hold for 10 seconds, then 10 quick ones) 4-6 times daily (build up gradually if you are sore). Don't worry if you can't feel much contracting at this stage as there is often numbness after birth, often temporary.

4. If a prolapse is confirmed, you're in good company - many of us have some form of it, and there is a lot you can do to improve things. I will post a link to a useful thread in a minute. I'm sorry that you feel so overwhelmed at the moment, and I hope things start to improve for you soon

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3332405-To-ask-for-your-Pelvic-Organ-Prolapse-Surgery-success-stories

OP your body will slowly recover.
I still suffer from bad piles and bleeding, GP has me on macrogol prescription which helps things immensely
Best wishes

You are not a milk machine (not only!) You are the centre of his world, the answer to most problems and fears, to that little man you are a Queen no matter how big your stretch marks, bags under your eyes, lack of make up - he doesn't care and never will.

I promise it will get better. Breastfeeding is the hardest thing I have ever done! I wouldn't change it for anything. Would a sling help if baby likes to be close to you?

4th baby, other 3 were ff. However having had breast cancer and the surgery / chemo etc I was determined to give my dd (now 2) every chance to avoid the same horrible path. I am still bf and co-sleeping some nights and still say those first few months were so hard.

Your body will bounce back but give yourself some time and take it gently. Please get some support for your mental health, and medical help for the prolapse, ask someone to look after ds so you can have a bath etc. If you can manage it go for a walk every day the weather allows.

Have a good cry, watch a rubbish film, indulge yourself xxx

I'm with you OP. I felt extremely bitter during the aftermath of birth as I felt friends and family hadn't been honest with me about how tough it could be - I thought it was just me who was in such a state. I bawled every day for weeks tbh. Then once I made some friends at baby groups who were at the same stage as me, pretty much everyone had a few issues of some sort.

@littlecabbage has fab advice re: prolapses - please push to get this treated as you don't have to just live with it. I had to battle with the 'Oh but you HAVE had a baby' bollocks from HCPs for ages. Don't get fobbed off.

I too had some prize piles, I remember at one point sitting with an ice cube between my bum cheeks weeping! Anusol cream until they've shrunk and then the suppositories after that absolutely saved me. You have my absolute sympathies.

I'm 8 months pp now and while I still don't feel normal, there are gradual yet definite improvements. My baby is a sleep dodger so I still have many days where I'm like this is SHIT while being absolutely in love with my child at the same time.

I hope so much things improve for you x

Oh love, you’ve taken me back to some dark, dark times. For me it was just survival. I know some people love the new born stage and can really embrace it but to me it was just so difficult.

But it gets better. Everything is a phase, good and bad. Your worries this week will be entirely different to your worries in two weeks time. He’ll sleep at some point, feeding will settle, your body will recover and one day soon you’ll realise that the good days are outweighing the bad ones and you feel more like yourself.

Have you spoken to your GP or health visitor about how you feel? Or anyone else?

After I had my first, I felt just like you do. I had actually forgotten about how bad it was but reading your post, I was back there! I felt so lost, alone, wrecked, useless, tired, he cried all the time and never slept, it was awful. I cried so much. I felt guilty for feeling like that. I must have had pnd because I honestly thought something bad was going to happen to my baby, I dreaded putting him to sleep at night.

Looking back I should have got help, but it all went in such a blur.

What helped me was I found a group of women online who had all had their babies in the same month as me, they were all over the country but it didn't matter. We went through it all together. It was such a relief to have someone to talk to, we were in the same boat. My baby was 5 weeks old at that point.

Can you look up if there is something similar you can join? There may be something on Facebook or even on here. If you can talk to someone it helps, you will get there. It's so hard with a little baby, you are doing a great job.