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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think childbirth is so much worse than I thought it would be?

144 replies

Denira · 28/12/2018 00:49

I'm nearly 10 weeks post partum. The lovely people coming to visit stage had worn off and I've now realised that people aren't too interested in how I am. They just come round to hold the baby and expect me to make them a brew in the process.

I'm exhausted. My baby doesn't sleep in a regular pattern. Completely erratic and for short bursts at a time. Often feeds every hour.

I keep getting mastitis and am still breastfeeding so constantly living in fear of that.

I have piles. That's all I'll say about that.

I've JUST NOW discovered I have some sort of vaginal prolapse and could cry as I did and am doing my pelvic floors religiously.

My body is ruined and I look a big fat mess. Covered in stretch marks. Very flabby belly and cellulite I didn't have before I'm now covered in.

My hair is all falling out.

I have PND and just feel.like.shit.

I think there are probably another 10/15 things I could add to that list.

How do we cope? It's so shit and as much as I adore my beautiful son, I'm totally ruined and don't see the point anymore as I'm just a milk machine that nobody really cares about that much.

Feeling so sad...

OP posts:
PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 28/12/2018 11:10

Sorry to sound like the thread police but DO NOT make a blatant cry for help thread a barney about infant feeding. PLEASE.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 28/12/2018 11:20

Agreed, and I'm sorry for the role I played in that. But can people just stop suggesting that the OP give up breastfeeding since she's already said upthread that she doesn't want to and it's important to her?

SnuggyBuggy · 28/12/2018 11:22

Agreed, it doesn't sound like breastfeeding is the issue and it tends to get better around this point. I swear mine went from being latched for an hour per feed to about 5-10 minutes in a day at around the 3 month mark for some reason

mortifiedmama · 28/12/2018 11:25

I swear mine went from being latched for an hour per feed to about 5-10 minutes in a day at around the 3 month mark for some reason

And OP if yours continues to feed for what seems like hours, it doesn't mean anything is wrong! All babies are different. Mine was a huge comfort feeder.

Aquilla · 28/12/2018 11:28
  1. Stop breastfeeding
  2. Get that stuff you spray directly on to your piles.
You'll be amazed at how much you'll cheer up Wink
CatnissEverdene · 28/12/2018 11:30

I wholeheartedly agree that no one tells you the reality of it all OP. You read lots of books and magazines but I was so unprepared for the tiredness and exhaustion. My DH went back to work on the 3rd day after our 1st was born, and I remember him coming home one night and saying "oh are you ready for bed" as I was in my nightie at 7pm - and me screaming back "I've not had chance to get f*cking dressed" and having a complete meltdown Blush. All I remember about the early months is that it was relentless and all I wanted to was sleep and not wake up in a complete strangers body as it sure as hell didn't feel like mine!

I think once you get to 6 months, baby will reliably sleep through and you can start to introduce other food so baby isn't 100% reliant on you. That was always the light at the end of my tunnel.

Lock the doors, tell the unhelpful visitors to feck off and have a good chat to your HV. It's so common, you're not feeling anything that millions of others haven't, and it's OK to ask for help. You're not failing, you're a new mum and by the sound of it you've got a happy well fed baby so something is going very well even if you're not feeling it. BF babies don't have a feed pattern, they feed in clusters and sometimes it feels like it's all you are doing but that's fine - nothing else in the world matters at this stage. Keep smiling - to your baby, you rock at this Flowers

mortifiedmama · 28/12/2018 11:32

@Aquilla OP has already said she doesn't want to stop breastfeeding and finds it rewarding.

planespotting · 28/12/2018 11:47

@Aquilla please.

SnuggyBuggy · 28/12/2018 11:50

Oh yes DD still wanted to comfort nurse but because she had become a more effective feeder went through a rather annoying phase of sicking up huge volumes Grin.

The phrase this too shall pass is definitely fitting

halfwitpicker · 28/12/2018 12:00

Yes, people aren't very sympathetic at all.

There's a real attitude of 'oh stop whining and get on with it'.

Thewifipasswordis · 28/12/2018 12:06

I takes about 18m for your body and brain to fully recover OP. Be gentle, take it a day at a time. Put a few random reminders to pop up over the next several months in your phone diary with messages like "you've got this!" "Oh my god it's been 10m already!" Etc. They really helped my mind keep on track and suddenly centre me again when I felt like I was falling apart.

Thewifipasswordis · 28/12/2018 12:08

"I think once you get to 6 months, baby will reliably sleep through" very very very few babies sleep through at 6m old. That is a very silly thing to give false hope on.

MissB83 · 28/12/2018 12:12

I am 10 months PP and have PND also. 10 weeks PP is a gruelling time!!! Sorry I haven't had time to read the whole thread there are some good PND advice groups on Facebook and you must keep up a dialogue with your HV and GP. My hormones were still all over the place at 10 weeks PP regardless of the PND! My advice would be to get as much support as you can with the breastfeeding - I loved going to breastfeeding cafe with my son when he was too small for baby groups as you can sit and feed with other mums and have some chats without feeling self conscious. Or I also loved taking him to baby massage class at about 10-12 weeks old as it helped us connect better when I felt very disconnected from him. The other thing that helped me a great deal was to get out of the house every day and get a walk and a little bit of fresh air. It gives you a good reason to get dressed and so on and the fresh air helps you and baby both. I'm not sure if your health issues from the birth will stop you walking far but I had emergency section and couldn't go very far for a few weeks- just 10-15 mins is enough to help with PND.

Sonneedshelp · 28/12/2018 12:12

@Denira honestly I think people don't expect you to be "normal" by 10days, reach out to someone in RL they will gladly listen and help. FlowersFlowers

Sonneedshelp · 28/12/2018 12:13

*10 weeks

MissB83 · 28/12/2018 12:13

Also my son's sleep was AWFUL at 10 weeks! A few nights he never slept at all. But it does get better... and the feeding does settle down too...

planespotting · 28/12/2018 12:16

"I think once you get to 6 months, baby will reliably sleep through" 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
No way Jose

TheBananaStand2 · 28/12/2018 12:23

My baby is an unpredictable sleeper too. The best thing for my mental health and my sore breasts was easing up on the pressure I was putting on myself to set up a rigid routine. Some nights are ok, some involve lots of wakings: not your fault! If you want to keep bfing, feed on demand, let baby fall asleep on boob if thats what tends to happen, and you can gently pull him away once asleep. Also, when you’re in shower, feel around your breasts for lumps and then you can massage them towards the nipple so that the milk comes out, to unblock ducts, which should also help reduce chances of mastitis.

Your body is amazing, and has done something remarkable, so don’t feel bad about the way it looks. It’s a mother-warrior’s body, and it’s beautiful!

user1457017537 · 28/12/2018 13:38

We are not advocating the Op gives up breastfeeding, but gives up breastfeeding whilst suffering from mastitis. World of difference doing so whilst in great pain

AssassinatedBeauty · 28/12/2018 13:44

Usually the advice is to keep feeding with mastitis as to stop can make it worse.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 28/12/2018 13:47

enough with the fucking feeding debate.

Guacatrole · 28/12/2018 13:58

We are not advocating the Op gives up breastfeeding, but gives up breastfeeding whilst suffering from mastitis. World of difference doing so whilst in great pain

1. Stop breastfeeding

Guacatrole · 28/12/2018 13:58

I'm still waiting for my 4 year old to start sleeping through the night. What's this about 6 months?

FuzzyShadowChatter · 28/12/2018 14:04

Denira YANBU, it's a really hard period that I think almost everyone underestimates (I know I did repeatedly), even harder without support and understanding. The best news I can give is that it isn't forever. This too shall pass. Getting help and what little routine is possible with a little one will help regulate, and in time the hormones causing a lot of this will settle, the baby will grow and get into his own rhythm and the rest will likely fade or can be dealt with.

On the prolapse, other than seeking medical attention obviously, I recommend Dr. Sarah Duvall as her explanations and recommendation even just on the free material on her website was so helpful for me to deal with and reconnect with what felt like the broken parts of my body.

sabrinathethirtysomethingwitch · 28/12/2018 14:13

Talk about giving someone false hope saying a baby will sleep through at 6 months 🙈.

I really feel for you OP. Having a baby and the aftermath is such a shock to the system. The mastitis knocked me for six.

It baffles me when I hear women at baby groups say they'd have another in the morning. I told DH I could never face it again. However DS will be 9 months next week and life suddenly feels good again. It's still all very fresh in my head though.

I'm heading back to work soon and I can't wait. Just to feel like me again really. I nearly ran out the door of work going on maternity leave 🤣.

Look after yourself and do what you need to do to get yourself through this tough period. It will get easier.

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