Steiner schools, plastic presents and family meltdowns

[WutheringBites]

I’ve namechanged because it’s a bit spottable. Basically, I went to a lot of effort to buy really cute old style fisher price toys for my nieces (who live abroad) and have been told third hand that their parents have hidden them because the children (preschoolers) aren’t allowed to play with anything “plastic”. Apparently it’s against the rules of their nursery.

I’ve now been told, parents are upset because I got them something similar last year.

AIBU that

1. I feel really put out that the children aren’t getting the presents I went to quite a lot of expense and effort to get;
2. That no one bothered to tell me that they weren’t allowed anything except wood?
3. That they didn’t get last years presents either.

And is this rule about only wooden stuff something I should have known? Is it a general Steiner thing?

I’m also really sad that it puts an extra distance between me (as their Aunty) and my DC (as cousins) when we already live in a different country. Due to family pressures it’s really difficult for me to travel to see them; and they don’t come to us at all (but I’ve invited them lots). I feel so upset. I only have one sibling; and no cousins, etc. 😰 I feel I’ve messed up, but didn’t know; and I know I’ll just end up sitting sobbing if I try to phone and talk about it. Arrrgh. 😰

I'm sorry to hear that. They should have told you after last year that only wooden presents are appropriate. Are they able to send them back to you and you could swap them?

Never heard of that - what a load of pretentious guff. 'Not allowed' to play with plastic toys? What do they think will happen if the child handles one? Fair enough if they only buy Grimm's Rainbows or whatever they are called for their kid, but a complete ban on plastic toys, even gifts, is just pathetic.

I would be pissed too, especially if no one told me about it. YANBU.

Do they go to a Steiner school? Tbh I don’t know a huge amount about Steiner other then the few people I’ve worked with who are Steiner trained tend to look down on others and consider them to be dimwitted for not sharing their values.
Plastic is frown upon a lot by Steiner, but as with lots of things people pick and choose which parts they like

Can’t really do a return, as they’d have to post it internationally; it was a big set; and from a shop nowhere near where I live. 😰

Yup, I've heard that. And they should have told you. You haven't messed up, as my dd would say 'you have done your best'!

Cranky I don’t know much either, as it turns out... but I’m relieved it isn’t just me.

All is not lost.
You didn't know about the world of Steiner. The wooden toys / no faces on dolls etc is a modern combination of Steiner and Montessori, nursery placements can have strict guidelines that extend to home life (no beds floor matresses only etc).
Chock it up to experience, have a google and learn about alternative nursery provision and do phone to chat about it with them.
My sister couldn't be doing with any of our alternative child-rearing routes but instead we've established her place as the fun, modern Aunty who brings a colour and excitment into our childrens lives that we wouldn't provide.

No it is not a Steiner Thing which is about child centered education. However there are a significant number of people who have strong opinions about other things that send their kids to Steiner/ progressive/ alternative schools.

I had plastic toys as a child at a Steiner School. I didn't have plastic lunch bags because my parents decided that this was a no go.

That is silly - 'no plastic' I mean. Lego is made of plastic and it is one of the most creative and educational toys there is . I would ask for the toys back and donate them too a local nursery who will be over the moon and the children will love them.

Sorry to hear that OP.

It's ridiculous nonsense. There are lots of excellent plastic toys out there and if they're good quality and well looked after they will be played with for generations.

They sound like total idiots and rude into the bargain. I wouldn't bother with gifts for them again.

I'm feeling really daft here, but how the hell can the nursery dictate what the kids play with in their own home,at playdates etc?

Sorry just read they can't send them back. Then ask them to donate them to children who have nothing and would be grateful for them.

I would ask for the toys back and donate them too a local nursery who will be over the moon and the children will love them.

This is a good idea. This way at least some children will get the value of them.

Absolutely bloody ridiculous and rude. Those poor kids

Yes nursery placements can ask for buy - in into the alternative provision philosophy, and be decidedly difficult if it comes to light that parents are not adhering.
Given that parents are chosing the provision and paying for it, it would be strange for them not to adopt the whole package really.

Do you know what, whether you agree with Steiner or think it’s a load of old bollocks it does t excuse their shitty behaviour. An email thanking you for your gifts and then a quick email with present suggestions sent next September would be the correct course of action.
Pretty shit behaviour from her

Very rude, nothing next year then!

Ooh was it the record player? I've coveted a vintage one from eBay but can't justify it now my dc are older

They should have told you after last year so that's pretty horrible of them. Nothing you can do except chalk it up to experience and send book vouchers next year (wooden toys are expensive!)

Perhaps send them an old fashioned book on manners next year.

Yes, this. They are so busy ensuring that their parenting is oh so superior that they have forgotten the art of not being a rude bellend.

I expect they donated last years toys somewhere. It’s just so upsetting, having really thought about what they’d like.

Oh well. At least it’s not just me.

TAMumof3 what’s the thing about faces?

TBH I don’t stand much chance with researching it; they live in a country where i don’t speak the language and this obviously isn’t just a “Steiner” thing, so I’m not barking up the right tree, so to speak.

They must be in Los Angeles!!! I've heard the most ridiculous stuff from parents at Steiner schools. It would be fine, but it's all super hypocritical like no tv or screens or movies, except that pretty much every parent at the school makes a living (and the money to pay for the very expensive school) from the tv/computer/movie business. And they all follow the rules that they like and not the ones that they don't like and look down their noses at everyone else.

Personally I preferred wooden toys for my dc's because I thought they were prettier, but if I was insistent on something not entering my household (like xboxes and toys named after urine) I would let my friends and relatives know well in advance so that they could find alternatives.

Why don't you ask them at least to donate the toys to a homeless shelter, or if they really are in Los Angeles, there is a very worthwhile toy loan program for low income kids, run by the county and they would be totally appreciative of brand new toys.
And finally, next year, do your ordering from an Amazon account in the country that they are in. I now live in the US (Los Angeles), but have a UK Amazon account and an Italian one to order things for relatives in those two countries. You don't have to pay for Amazon Prime to open an account.

Well it’s silly of them imo but up to the parents really what they want their children to play with. It would have been wise of them to let people know though so money wasn’t wasted. I’d send a message saying sorry that you weren’t aware they didn’t approve of plastic toys and ask if they could send you a list of ideas next time.

Is it really so rude ?
They haven't actually said anything to OP - she's just heard it on the grape vine.
You wouldn't send pork sausages once you knew a friend was Jewish.

Oh, there is always someone in wooden toy groups on Facebook crying because family got them plastic tat (which their kids openly love) and they get told they're ungrateful for complaining about gifts, so they cry even more.

If they didn't tell you politely after last year, very unreasonable. Rude to complain about it rather than quietly donate to neighbours / charity shop etc.