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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Steiner schools, plastic presents and family meltdowns

282 replies

WutheringBites · 27/12/2018 21:46

I’ve namechanged because it’s a bit spottable. Basically, I went to a lot of effort to buy really cute old style fisher price toys for my nieces (who live abroad) and have been told third hand that their parents have hidden them because the children (preschoolers) aren’t allowed to play with anything “plastic”. Apparently it’s against the rules of their nursery.

I’ve now been told, parents are upset because I got them something similar last year.

AIBU that

  1. I feel really put out that the children aren’t getting the presents I went to quite a lot of expense and effort to get;
  2. That no one bothered to tell me that they weren’t allowed anything except wood?
  3. That they didn’t get last years presents either.

And is this rule about only wooden stuff something I should have known? Is it a general Steiner thing?

I’m also really sad that it puts an extra distance between me (as their Aunty) and my DC (as cousins) when we already live in a different country. Due to family pressures it’s really difficult for me to travel to see them; and they don’t come to us at all (but I’ve invited them lots). I feel so upset. I only have one sibling; and no cousins, etc. 😰 I feel I’ve messed up, but didn’t know; and I know I’ll just end up sitting sobbing if I try to phone and talk about it. Arrrgh. 😰

OP posts:
99RedBalloonsFloating · 27/12/2018 22:22

If you do want to find something acceptable to the parents, go onto Etsy and search for Steiner, Montessori or Pikler play items.

SinkGirl · 27/12/2018 22:22

Just google anthroposophy - utterly vile philosophy in many ways. Ugh.

She’s lucky she doesn’t have my children - we’ve had to remove all wooden toys from the house as one of my twins has ASD and chews everything, his favourite thing to chew is wood, as he literally manages to chew chunks off wooden toys, even plan wood toys. He’s chewed chunks out of his cot too.

I’m really glad plastic toys exist. They’re also not quite so heavy when used as a missile - one of the boys picked up a wooden toy with his feet and dropped it on his own face, which didn’t end well.

She should have told you after the first unsuitable gift. I get it, I can’t have anything with small parts because of the chewing, but I make sure people know this and if they did send something we couldn’t use i would be apologising to them for not letting them know in advance.

MissCharleyP · 27/12/2018 22:23

OP, they were rude and ungrateful, vouchers next time.

Dolls without faces sound horrific (though even at 39, I think a lot with faces look quite creepy)!

OrchidInTheSun · 27/12/2018 22:23

It's bloody rude and wasteful to boot. If you're going to dictate what gifts your children can receive from their closest relatives, at least have the courtesy to tell them.

What's worse is that their kids are going to covet every single brightly coloured piece of tat at anyone's house they ever go to and be a complete pain in the bum.

Guacatrole · 27/12/2018 22:24

In their defence if they had posted here dc aren’t allowed plastic toys at home due to Steiner rules, wibu to ask my sister to send wood? they’d be destroyed.

And told to politely give to charity. This is why it’s better to be honest

Original poster
WutheringBites · 27/12/2018 22:27

Thank you all. Its hard, because my DB is a funny mix of dismissive about the type of schooling, at the same time as apparently being very strict about it. And with distance added, I don’t really know what to make of it all. Plus it’s a really different schooling set up where they live, so it’s hugely different from my experience with my DCs.

Hey ho. I’ve no idea if they’ll be able to use amazon vouchers, but I guess that’s what we’ll have to resort to 😰

OP posts:
LegoPiecesEverywhere · 27/12/2018 22:27

Steiner is bonkers and the parents so hypocritcal. The ones I know ban screens/TVs, dress their children like Amish/peasant children and of course only a very small selection of wooden toys allowed. Meanwhile the parents plaster their children over Facebook/Instagram to get lots and lots of sponsored ‘stuff’ which they try to shill to their followers. Bonkers.

LaurieMarlow · 27/12/2018 22:27

So I’ve gone really wrong getting plastic toys and cute little smiley people

Aw this makes me so sad because I freaking LOVED those little fisher price people when I was a kid.

And for what it's worth, I did some epic imaginary play with them. the steiner idiots can stick that up their arse

Please ask for them back OP. They deserve to be with children who will use them.

GabsAlot · 27/12/2018 22:27

why they didnt tell u last year i dont know just plain rude really

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 27/12/2018 22:29

Oh OP, that's massively shit. I had a friend like this, whose DC were only ever allowed wooden toys. Unless they came round to mine, at which point they made a beeline for all the plastic tat my DC had accummulated over the years.

I think what you did was incredibly thoughtful - I'd have loved for my DC to have the Fisher Price stuff I grew up with. Instead they just got to play with it when they saw my mum Grin

YADNBU to be hurt. Next year give them a load of sticks from different trees and ask them to see if they can identify each one. It's wood, it's educational, and it's free.

DrWhy · 27/12/2018 22:30

Interesting on the bed reasoning, my 2 year old is perfectly capable of getting out of his bed, opening his door, opening mine and climbing into my bed! Do the parents also have to sleep on floor mattresses to be accessible to the child?
It annoys me a bit that people often lump together montisorri and Steiner nurserys, the philosophies are vastly different. Steiner has some very wierd stuff in my view and a dubious background and is a lot about imagination, Montisorri is very child led but also about the real world and quite practical. I can’t see them having a problem with plastic.

Original poster
WutheringBites · 27/12/2018 22:30

Laurie I KNOW, right?!?!

I would ask for them back for my children. WIBU to ask them to post it all back to me? 🤔

OP posts:
XmasPostmanBos · 27/12/2018 22:31

They sound weird, send them some wooden drums next year.

RomaineCalm · 27/12/2018 22:33

I would send a message saying 'Just heard from mum that your DCs don't have plastic toys. Sorry, I've therefore probably made a mistake with the Christmas presents - hopefully you can pass them on to someone else? Just let me know what DNs might want for birthday/Christmas next year? xx'

WanderingTrolley1 · 27/12/2018 22:33

Yanbu.

They sound like a bunch of arsehole.

Hohocabbage · 27/12/2018 22:33

TAmumof3 have you drunk the koolaid?

flossietoot · 27/12/2018 22:34

Haven’t read all the posts but this isn’t just a Steiner thing- lots of nursery’s in the UK are binning plastics and going for full on natural materials.

Unescorted · 27/12/2018 22:37

My experience of a Steiner / Waldorf school did not mean that I slept on the floor. Yes I could go into my parents room when I wanted...but then so can most kids there days. I got to choose what subject / theme to hang my learning on. I didn't have scary dolls...., I played with Lego, wooden toys, plastic tat, selfmade toys. I could read at the age of 4 and read novels by the time I was 7 (because I wanted to....child led learning). My spelling is still shit but I have discovered the F7 key. I am an atheist and never had any religious doctrine taught to me as the right way. Although I was taught that other people believe other things and that is ok too. At no time was I told what I could or could not do...however it was explained that there were consequences for my decisions. To restrict the choices of parents outside the school environment would have been contrary to this ethos.

Ihave been left with a lifetime love of learning and will question what I am being told. I ask that you do the same.

LaurieMarlow · 27/12/2018 22:38

WIBU to ask them to post it all back to me?

I would if I were you

Rockhopper81 · 27/12/2018 22:38

^Is it really so rude ?
They haven't actually said anything to OP - she's just heard it on the grape vine.
You wouldn't send pork sausages once you knew a friend was Jewish.^

But presumably the friend would tell you - upon receiving the first sausages - that they were Jewish and therefore pork sausages were unsuitable.

Subscribe to whatever educational philosophy you want - even if people don’t understand it or agree with it - but don’t expect others to be mind readers. The rudeness was in not informing the OP the first time, so she didn’t waste money on toys (and postage!) they weren’t going to be allowed to play with.

Hohocabbage · 27/12/2018 22:39

Yeah Flossie but they aren’t also dictating what a parent can do with their own child at home.

steff13 · 27/12/2018 22:41

Faceless dolls?! Jesus, isn’t that massively creepy?

No, it's not creepy because faceless dolls can't see you to kill you in your sleep. Nothing is creepier than those cold, dead eyes.

Rainbowqueeen · 27/12/2018 22:42

I’d send Romaines message and buy them books for Christmas from now on

Meets their brief and much easier to post. Plus you still get the joy of choosing something

userschmoozer · 27/12/2018 22:42

TIL there are people who believe a bed is a flawed design which prevents children getting out of bed.

Original poster
WutheringBites · 27/12/2018 22:43

Oh; I should completely point out here I have nothing against any particular schooling philosophy; the idea of child led learning is exactly what I aspire to with my lot when they aren’t in school, if that’s not a double negative. Enthusing them about the world they live in is super-great. But I’m also really flexible about doing what works (partly because one of mine has quite significant SEN stuff going on).

I’m just sad because it’s such a waste of a decent set of toys. And enforced donation to charity wasn’t what I was aiming for. I wanted to do something nice for DNs

OP posts:
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