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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Steiner schools, plastic presents and family meltdowns

282 replies

WutheringBites · 27/12/2018 21:46

I’ve namechanged because it’s a bit spottable. Basically, I went to a lot of effort to buy really cute old style fisher price toys for my nieces (who live abroad) and have been told third hand that their parents have hidden them because the children (preschoolers) aren’t allowed to play with anything “plastic”. Apparently it’s against the rules of their nursery.

I’ve now been told, parents are upset because I got them something similar last year.

AIBU that

  1. I feel really put out that the children aren’t getting the presents I went to quite a lot of expense and effort to get;
  2. That no one bothered to tell me that they weren’t allowed anything except wood?
  3. That they didn’t get last years presents either.

And is this rule about only wooden stuff something I should have known? Is it a general Steiner thing?

I’m also really sad that it puts an extra distance between me (as their Aunty) and my DC (as cousins) when we already live in a different country. Due to family pressures it’s really difficult for me to travel to see them; and they don’t come to us at all (but I’ve invited them lots). I feel so upset. I only have one sibling; and no cousins, etc. 😰 I feel I’ve messed up, but didn’t know; and I know I’ll just end up sitting sobbing if I try to phone and talk about it. Arrrgh. 😰

OP posts:
Original poster
WutheringBites · 27/12/2018 22:09

And book vouchers probably won’t be a runner for the same reasons (different country, etc).

OP posts:
LaurieMarlow · 27/12/2018 22:10

I’d send a message saying sorry that you weren’t aware they didn’t approve of plastic toys and ask if they could send you a list of ideas next time.

Why should the OP apologise for not being aware of something that no one bothered to tell her? Confused

RitaTheBeater · 27/12/2018 22:10

Their dolls have no faces so that the child has to imagine what the baby is doing. The dolls face is not stifling the imagination.

They are terrifying.

There is a list of stuff that's all they could ever need I think.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/12/2018 22:10

That is if op wants to buy for the entitled pretentiousness prats next year.

TAMumof3 · 27/12/2018 22:10

Dolls don't have faces - no eyes, nose, mouth - no faces.
This is because a fixed facial expression leads a child to pre-determined emotions set by toy manuafcturers (adults) and thus limits their imaginative play.

Beerflavourednipples · 27/12/2018 22:11

what’s the thing about faces?

The faceless toy thing isn't just a Steiner/Montessori thing, I think Alistair Bryce Clegg is well into that as well, it's supposed to be better for their imagination.

Original poster
WutheringBites · 27/12/2018 22:12

3rd hand was via my DM. Who can be a variable source, but is also a bit lost on what to get for her DGCs

OP posts:
BeardedMum · 27/12/2018 22:13

Bonkers. I have lots of Steiner friends and growing up I always felt sorry for them and they used to love coming over to my house to play with my plastic and watch my tellyGrin

FFSFFSFFS · 27/12/2018 22:13

Why can't they still play with them at home?? Am I missing something??

Cheby · 27/12/2018 22:13

Faceless dolls?! Jesus, isn’t that massively creepy?

Original poster
WutheringBites · 27/12/2018 22:14

So I’ve gone really wrong getting plastic toys and cute little smiley people.

Oh bugger it. 🙄

OP posts:
Spudlet · 27/12/2018 22:15

TAMu of3 I'm sorry, no beds? Why on earth not?!

TAMumof3 · 27/12/2018 22:15

They can't play with the stuff at home because it's a whole-child rearing approach. Not something you can just do for a few hours a day.

FuckingYuleLog · 27/12/2018 22:16

Well I don’t think the op actually should be sorry. But I’d send that kind of message just so that they know she knows they’ve been disposing of her gifts! Asking them to let her know what to get in future is a clear enough subtext as to where the fault lies I think.
Since it’s family I’d rather be polite than message what I actually thought which would be ‘why aren’t you letting your child have the perfectly nice gifts I got them you massive weirdo and considering you have these weird rules why haven’t you told anyone?’ Grin

meditrina · 27/12/2018 22:16

Steiner isn't child centric! Yes it starts reading later (irrespective of when the pupil may actually be ready) but it's a very rigid and undifferentiated curriculum.

Montessori is the one which is child-centric.

And yes, there's a whole belief system behind Steiner - you need to Google 'anthroposophy' for more info, or try www.anthroposophy.org.uk

I'm really sorry that your presents have been rejected like this. I think they've been very rude in how they've gone about it. After all, you're not a mind-reader and could not possibly have guessed how strictly they were applying Steiner principles. And they should at the very minimum have thanked you for the thought and care and effort you put in.

But in the long run, you needed to know that the presents were unsuitable for their family ethos. Otherwise it just means more years of wasted effort. I suppose the best way forward would be a convo about the yes-yeses and no-noes of their (newly-espoused?) belief system, to increase understanding and so know what kind of things to choose if you are ever minded to buy them presents in future

Unescorted · 27/12/2018 22:17

Hahaha! We had a laugh and made our own puppets with their own faces... Think Klee type. Some kids had dolls with the manufacturers face on. Personally I didn't want one so I never had one. There is nothing sinister about it....just what the kid engaged with.

DaisyDreaming · 27/12/2018 22:17

Tamumof3, what’s wrong with a bed rather than a floor mattress? I don’t understand how that helps a child beyond the stage of falling out of bed

TAMumof3 · 27/12/2018 22:18

Children need to be able to access their parents, at their choosing, day and night. Cot sides or raised beds (or closed bedroom doors etc) could prevent childs access to parents once co-sleeping phase has passed - thus chunky mattresses and normal duvet and pillows, just no bed-frames.

Ethel80 · 27/12/2018 22:20

I'd send them some info about the history of Steiner and some of the awful reports about their schools. Maybe also instructions on how to get their heads out of their arses!

LaurieMarlow · 27/12/2018 22:20

This is because a fixed facial expression leads a child to pre-determined emotions set by toy manuafcturers (adults) and thus limits their imaginative play.

What a load of utter bollocks

Haffiana · 27/12/2018 22:21

Isn't Steiner actually at root some sort of cult? I hesitate to use the word religion, but er, isn't it a religion?

FuckingYuleLog · 27/12/2018 22:21

I don’t mind the little wooden peg mini figures but please tell me they don’t do full size dolls with no faces 😳

GoldenWonderwall · 27/12/2018 22:21

Life is too short to be living it by somebody else’s rules. I can get behind environmental arguments for wooden toys but not that it somehow stifles a child’s imagination to have a dolly with a gormless expression and it’s much better to have a faceless horror in your home. Op just send an amazon voucher and spend your time on self acceptance that you’re doing your best with regards to your family circumstances.

mumsastudent · 27/12/2018 22:21

...tropical/warm climates...insects....shudders....

Spudlet · 27/12/2018 22:22

I see. Thanks for explaining. To each their own, I suppose!