Steiner schools, plastic presents and family meltdowns

[WutheringBites]

I’ve namechanged because it’s a bit spottable. Basically, I went to a lot of effort to buy really cute old style fisher price toys for my nieces (who live abroad) and have been told third hand that their parents have hidden them because the children (preschoolers) aren’t allowed to play with anything “plastic”. Apparently it’s against the rules of their nursery.

I’ve now been told, parents are upset because I got them something similar last year.

AIBU that

1. I feel really put out that the children aren’t getting the presents I went to quite a lot of expense and effort to get;
2. That no one bothered to tell me that they weren’t allowed anything except wood?
3. That they didn’t get last years presents either.

And is this rule about only wooden stuff something I should have known? Is it a general Steiner thing?

I’m also really sad that it puts an extra distance between me (as their Aunty) and my DC (as cousins) when we already live in a different country. Due to family pressures it’s really difficult for me to travel to see them; and they don’t come to us at all (but I’ve invited them lots). I feel so upset. I only have one sibling; and no cousins, etc. 😰 I feel I’ve messed up, but didn’t know; and I know I’ll just end up sitting sobbing if I try to phone and talk about it. Arrrgh. 😰

math That is awful.

I know those supporting Steiner schools always say there are bad teachers and practices in all types of schools. That is true. The difference in Steiner schools are that parents raise the same issues about different schools and even in different countries. That is because they are a direct outcome of the Steiner philosophy and the training teachers go through.

So the issues that come up again and again are bullying of children that goes unchallenged, strange beliefs, attempts to control what happens to children at home, low academic standards, poor health and safety and safeguarding, parents who question things not having their questions answered, and parents who are too questioning or who withdraw their child from the school being ostracised by teachers and other parents.

Sorry all this Steiner philosophy is a load of rubbish - a friend tried to persuade me it was perfect for our kids thankfully at the open day we couldn't afford it (the discounted fees weren't discounted enough!) but I was shocked at the questions they asked me - why was it any of their business what we eat at home or whether we ever have a non family babysitter??? They never mentioned wood but tv was banned as was computer use, my dd was already very competent on the pc at 4.

Oh god I was recommended a Steiner school for ds 6 who has developmental delay and speech delay, as he goes at his own pace, so that he is less stressed and more child focused than a mainstream setting, and adhering more to the Finnish way of education, but after reading this, noway. I am shocked to the core, I did not realise Steiner philosophy, it is brainwashing nonsense which puts vulnerable children at risk.

We are waiting to hear what special school, ds will go to, we hope that it is the outstanding OFstead one which when we looked around, was very impressed. It incorporates learning through play (Forrest schools etc), also academic modified NC framework. We want ds to make progress and to be challenged and inspired, does not look like Steiner schools will do that at all.

Sorry I haven’t read the whole thread but in relation to books etc I would point you to ‘Myriad’, they sell toys/paints/books that conform to Steiner/Waldorf.

By the way I think your presents sound lovely.

There is no excuse for being rude, and they sound very rude, so no presents next year then!

I could relate to your post - nothing this extreme in my family, but my DH and I both have siblings who might as well be from an alien planet, so little do we understand where they are coming from much of the time. I agree with the posters who have recommended 'play the long game'. The thing about ideological upbringings is that the DC often rebel at some point. It's good to be the reasonable relative then.

If I were you I'd put the money you would have spent in a bank account for them and see how things go. In the meantime you can send cheery birthday and Christmas cards, maybe with some photo updates. It would be very reasonable to ask your sibling for specific suggestions of what you should send, if you want to try again next year. Most people would do that with a long distance relationship, anyway.

When I asked for advice on here about my difficult relationship with my DSis and her DC, I was advised to step right back. It was good advice and our relationship has actually improved now we have less contact and I've just generally chilled out about it. I had a moment with her a few years back (she didn't invite me to her 40th) where a lightbulb suddenly flashed on 'she's just not that into me, is she?' and maybe this plastic toys thing is yours.

You seem to have done some other posters a real service by starting this discussion, anyway!

They are BVU. Next year, just buy them book tokens (online) for their local bookstore.