To ask for the funniest stealth boasts you've seen on social media

[GunpowderGelatine]

My real life recent examples:

"About to hang up our Christmas cards onto the wall and gutted to find our stapler is crap, doesn't staple anything, argh!"

Stealth boast translation: look how popular we are

"I'm so sick of getting asked for ID, I just want to buy my gin without ratching for my drivers license, I'm 35 and a mother of three for goodness sake"

Stealth blast translation: I'm soooo young looking

"Wow Holly got a Nintendo Switch for Christmas! 😱😁"

Stealth boast translation: we got her the Nintendo Switch, so we aren't thanking anyone but just want to show you all what good parents we are

Disclaimer: this thread is lighthearted (not everyone finds this obvious!)

Apologies if anyone else said this but I HATE "Happy Birthday to this one!" posts that are just an excuse to post a plethora of photos of themselves, uuucchh if you like a photo so bloody much just post it!

Yes - Margo knew what she wanted and she got it!

Plus she had Jerry, who was very sweet and a much nicer husband than Tom Good...

Thinking about it, I'm sure Margo would have been the queen of the stealth boast if only she'd had social media.

"Terrible throat trouble, but I simply MUST soldier on with my starring role in The Sound Of Music tonight (the director has been telling me I carry the show... such nonsense! 🤣🤣🤣)."

Just been asked for ID again! I'm a 38 year old CEO!

Double stealth boast.

Reading that in a Margot voice is brilliant!
I don't think she'd out do the hun types though. Margot couldn't be bothered vaguebooking or hunning.

She'd be a 'why I'm so indispensable' stealth boaster rather than a possessions stealth boaster.

MaisyPops yes! That's exactly what she'd do!

@userme18 Yes! Someone on my feed recently posted:

"Congratulations and so much love to this beaut on her wedding day".... accompanied by a series of photos in which she had managed to apply fancy filters to her own face thus resembling a doe eyed mythical beauty....

and nothing on the bride who had clearly been dancing all night and looked like a sweaty donkey....

Low blow bitch.

I’ve a fried who posted on social media about how they were staying away from high streets in the run up to Christmas because she wasn’t going to buy ‘thoughtless tat’ and she’d bought everything from independent shops, all her food from farm shops etc and wrapped all her presents in old newspaper and decorated them with bits they had foraged from their woodland walks.

@giveitfive haha yes exactly that!!

Better a stealth boast than the former colleague of mine posting every time she has a bikini wax with #fannyadmin 🙄

@SamanthaBrique I'm just trying to figure out a way she could stealth boast that ha!

#fannyadmin

I'm just sat here waiting for all the 'new year, new me' posts that include a shameless fully filtered selfie.....most likely stating how they are going to lose weight.....obviously they also include a picture of the flattest of flattest stomachs here.

Meanwhile I'm sat here still in my pjs eating a block of cheese and loving life no stealth boasts from me....unless that is one??

Wrinkled fingers from being in the brand new hot tub too long was a particular belter on my FB this morning.

From BMW woman I mentioned earlier

My two stealth boaster have really disappointed this year. No endless photos of food and perfect family - just separated. And no room full floor to ceiling with wrapped presents - either hubbies job is on the line or somebody has had a quiet word about local crime rate.

@ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn hot tub in December? Definitely not jealous about that. The thought of stripping off and putting on a cossie and sitting in an outdoor bath at this time of year does not appeal.

forty I'd forgotten new year new me posts.

But then 'my new year resolution is to try to make some healthier choices' doesn't have the same effect.

“Apologies if you see anything weird on my Facebook, I really can’t get to grips with this new iPhone X”

This was someone I work with and their intended translation is “look how much I spent on my phone, I’m sooooo cool”

The unintended translation is “I’m a shit parent because I openly talk about how I can’t afford a new car seat for my child because they are soooo expensive (they are still in one for a child much lighter than they are) but I’ll merrily spend £1000 on a mobile phone”

Someone on mine checks into a hotel and claims they have requested a room with an office so they can continue to work... photo then posted with bog standard desk found in most hotel rooms.

Then posts a photo of them in the Prosecco bar, where a mutual friend comments “are you drinking Prosecco?” When the photo clearly shows pints 🤣

Ha @fluffyears I know that Derek too 😂😂

I love a stealth boast and a humble brag. They make me giggle. But I HATE #bossmum #workingmum etc etc. I have yet to see a man post #bossdad #workingdad . You've just got a fucking job - so do I, so do most people.

@LadyBunker Happy wedding anniversary. See, the idea of a hot tub in December is appealing but it's the getting in and out bit that I don't fancy. But champagne, chocs and Netflix

@babyno5 you have my sympathy. The best bit was when his phone got stolen...no updates!

Christ, think you lot need to get a life and stay off social media if you don't like seeing other people's happiness.

It's not other people's happiness though is it? It's other people's need for affirmation. It's actually more an indication of lack of happiness.