AIBU to feel so angry over a Xmas present

[Allegf]

Ok bear with me it could get long

My GrandMIL has always been cold with me. We visit her regularly and I always make polite conversations with her. Over the last year things have got worse with the way she is towards me.For some reason anything I do is wrong.

I’ve been with my DP for 7 years, we have 2 kids and are getting married next summer. My DPs uncle recently got married and had a baby. His new wife and him were only together around 6 months before marriage but she has only been in the picture for around 3 years - relevant

Anyways this brings me to Christmas. Every year my DP small family (12 people) exchange a gift for everyone. I always get a joint gift with my DP from both of us spending around £30 on each person with a thoughtful gift. Over the past 3 years from my GMIL I have recived a keyring with the wrong initial, used hand soap and this year a bloody fruit cake?!
GMIL is not short of money. She actually previous has gloated about this so that isn’t the issue, my DP, BIL, FIL and my DP uncles always get generous gifts or money.
This year as I open my fruit cake and stare down in disbelief I look up to see my DPs uncles new wife hugging my GMIL thanking her for the generous gift clutching a handful of cash. The response was ‘I know, the men always get everything from me on Xmas I thought it was time I spoilt the ladies too so I got you and (MIL) a little treat

I didn’t know how to react so walked out the room and into the toilet where I actually welled up. It not the money. I wouldn’t care if it was a voucher for £5. Its the fact I was never considered.

AIBU or do I need to just shove fruitcake in my face and shut up!

Upset about partners grandmother not getting you a proper present? Can't be all there is to this, surely

I would have embarrassed her by making a big fuss of what a delicious fruit cake she'd bought me; and then made an even bigger show of insisting it be cut and shared by everyone on the spot. I would be offering her fruitcake till it bled out her ears - 'cause you know, you are what you eat and all...

YANBU. My grandparents give money addressed to both DP and I which seems the most sensible thing to do imo.

Giving used soap as a gift is beyond rude.

YANBU it’s unkind. Perhaps would not expect the same as her grandson but something in between similar to what your children received or at least a token but thoughtful item. I would be hurt I don’t think it’s grabby to be hurt by being the only one in your little unit just receiving cake.

DP "would you like to accompany me to visit my GrandMIL?"
OP "no thanks!" Every time.

Calculated or not it IS hurting you.

I would certainly avoid these ostentatious family present opening sessions.

This really is up to your DP to sort out abd stand up for you - it’s his family that you are marrying into let him defend you!

You sound incredibly grabby, your family has been given £200 and you sound like a petulant child because you, personally, did not get a wodge of cash, surely your DP will share with you? Can’t believe adults get this upset about a gift and the names being used towards the grandmother are very unkind.

What a horrid old bat. As for the not being married shite. Her grandson has two children out of wedlock so that doesn't fly. So sorry you feel upset op after 7 years I would hope to be part of a family.

Each GC got £100

So your partner (her GC) got £100

Then each of your shared children got £50

That's a total of £200 for you, your partner and children.

Not sure what your problem is? My hubby and I share the gifts from our respective families. I don't expect a separate present. As you said, you are the only partner of a grandchild. Very different to being an actual GC of hers. Nice of her to get you hand cream, cake etc if you ask me

Sounds like she wants to upset you. Be sickly sweet to her and do as PP said - giant thank you card full of glitter. And gift her a horrid cake next year “because the gift you gave me last year was so thoughtful I thought I’d copy the gesture”.

maybe your DP (and therefore yourself) is close in age to some of the nephews/nieces and that makes you feel you should get more. It's certainly thoughtless getting a "wrong" gift, but as others have said, there is a difference between a child and a grandchild.

Definitely because you're not married.

I have known people lose a partner of 20 years to death (never married) and they get a tilted head, and an 'awww.' and that's it. Not even any compassionate leave. And someone married 3 years get a collection, lots of sympathy, compassionate leave, and extra time off and all sorts.

Sorry to say this, but we are still in a time where many people -particularly older (born before the mid 60's,) don't take relationships as seriously if the couple is not married, even if they have been together 25 years and have kids together.

When I first moved to my village, people asked me about myself, and how long me and my husband had been married. I said 20-odd years with 2 teen kids. Another woman who moved in the same time got asked the same question, and she was not married.

She had been with her male partner for 17 years, and she went a bit red and said 'oh we're not married.' 'Oh' came back the response..... No further questions. She was very embarrassed and said she gets judged quite a lot by people. SHE wanted to get married, but he didn't. And they had no kids because he didn't want them.That's another story though. But yeah, being 45 and together 17 years and never married, they did get a lot of frowns and judging.

Sad really.

And I agree with the posters on here @Allegf I would not even go visit her again; she is making it clear she disapproves of you. And she sounds horrid.

I would get great satisfaction by throwing this cake in the bin.
All you can do is avoid this woman as much as possible, cow.

Is Uncle's wife her DIL?

I would say your gifts are slowly improving as a fruitcake is better than a keyring or used soap. Next year you may get a set of towels or an aldi scented candle and in 5 years time or so you could be looking at some luxury chocs or a bottle of wine. So don't give up.

How can people say OP is being grabby and petulant?! That’s clearly not the point she’s making! It’s about the treatment of her. The very obvious and pointed gesture to demonstrate GMIL thinks of her as less worthy. It’s not about not getting a present! People are being twats if they can’t see that! OP your DP needs to speak to her. She is being incredibly rude. I suspect this is about your marital status but she should be spoken to and told in no uncertain terms is this behaviour acceptable. You have my sympathies OP. Xx

That's disgusting buying you crap presents and giving the other one money - your DP should be saying something to her for being so bloody rude to you

My grandad gave me and the hubby cash this year, in a card for both of us, so half each? Not sure why she didn’t just do that... strange woman

I can understand how you feel but this could just be an age thing, having children together still isn’t being married.
Wait and see how you are treated after your wedding. I wouldn’t kick off too soon, she may surprise you with an ostentatious cheque as a wedding gift.

I’m more saddened by the casual ageism that certain posters are spouting out on this thread, than anything this woman has done 😑

Sounds like neither of you like the other. Why do you let it bother you?Doesn’t the your DP share his £100 gift with you? Let it go

Op seriously this can be about her thinking you and partner aren't married or should be. Old people can be like that. my GMIL (new word to me) prefers me out of the grandkids' other halves based only on this I think.Mostly just making comments as to why they aren't married. Gifts are equal however. YANBU in my opinion in feeling left out, which is clearly what you felt. I don't get the feeling that op is crabby.. cheer up and forget about the old... whatever.

So why your DH said nothing?
I would completely zone the old witch out. Its not your job to understand nutcases. You are worthy no matter what the mean hag can possibly do or say. But dont marry a man who is a doormat and doesnt stand up for you!?!

Gamerchick beat me to it.