Adults who won't drive

[Homethroughthepuddles]

I'm not talking about those who have health difficulties or can't afford a car. Just those who can't be bothered to learn, or who learn but can't be bothered to sit their test.

I'm once again spending Christmas having to do all the ferrying around and staying off the wine, while my sister, who has learnt to drive and even bought a car but has refused to sit her test, has been chauffeured around and been able to drink as much as she likes.

With my mother getting older and more reliant on lifts it's very annoying.

I know what you mean. Its annoying being automatically relied upon for lifts. But it's okay to say, " no thanks I drove everyone last Xmas and I couldn't drink, so I'm not driving this Christmas." And drink a few glasses that morning to nip any lift requests in the bud!

Far more people driving than should be driving already, as drivers you should all be happy that the roads aren't TWICE as busy with people who aren't confident on the roads. I mean, seriously think it through

Completely agree with Tofurkey Btw, I hope it's not your fault that Ocado ran out of your username on my 20th Dec delivery. Linda McCartney burgers all round.

I know exactly how you feel. It cost me a fortune in lessons and 4 tests!! I’m not a very confident driver so I hate it if anyone asks me to take them somewhere I’ve never driven to before. It sends my anxiety through the roof. Also Insurance,Tax and Diesel is so expensive now we struggle to pay for both cars.

I don't drive
I mean I can and have learned (but not passed my test) but the cost is extortionate
I pay for my own taxis and rely on public transport heavily
I try to always offer petrol money if I do get a lift, also I will offer to pay others taxis for return visits or their half if they are travelling with me & I was getting a taxi anyway
I am on and off medication I can't drive on and would rather not explain this to people, also I'm quite a timid driver and worry my fear would make me unsafe (especially with kids in the car)

It's not a priority to me right now as I have other things I need to focus on
I know that it's something that's kind of expected of me as a single parent to 2 soon to be 3 kids but it's also beyond me right now

I'm once again spending Christmas having to do all the ferrying around and staying off the wine
You don't HAVE to though!
You CHOOSE to play martyr.

It's your mum's responsibility to sort transport to all the various places she wants to go.
Same for your sister if she's going somewhere without you both.
All you need to do is say "i'll be having a drink from X time so if you need a lift from me then it needs to be done by then"

it isn't anyone else's fault that YOU refuse to assert yourself.

@UserMe18, if you’re rural and in the middle of nowhere it makes perfect sense to learn to drive (provided there is money).
What about if you live in a city with a bus lane 2 minutes from your house and cheap public transport? How much sense does it make then?
What if you live in London with the tube and congestion charges?

Self driving cars are coming, so eventually these threads will end ;)

Also, around here at least (village), I see a lot of non drivers needing lifts for their kids to various things, there's someone on my son's football team whose mum doesn't drive and so the boy is always needing a lift to away games (usually every other week) with another parent, puts a burden on someone else and means she misses a lot of the games.

I'm mid 40s and I've never needed to drive. We get everywhere cycling walking, trains, and buses. There aren't many places we can't get to. Nobody ever gives us lifts. Occasionally we get a taxi. I feel happy with my choice not to be a polluter, I wish more people were.

Screaming but that’s the point. The non car drivers NEVER organise “travel” plans unless it’s clearly a having a few drinks scenario.
It’s always left to the drivers to organise trips.

As someone late to driving and having a particularly tight family I am very used to walking miles in all weathers and using buses and trains. However I all see with hindsite I would never suggest going somewhere I couldn’t to independently ( because I saw that as being a bit rude) and wouldn’t suggest subsidising a train fare as I knew they could drive for half the price. So basically non drivers can look after themselves fine but aren’t great when it involves others.

@BWatchWatcher I get that, but life changes, who knows where you'll end up in life and it's so much harder to learn the older you get I think (and harder to justify the time and cost as adult responsibilities increase), but I appreciate the cost is off putting if you don't think you'll need it, but in my house learning to drive was just part of growing up, it was never questioned, you turn 17 and you get your provisional as automatic as you get your national insurance number at 16 so I admit I find it hard to see the other side!

I do find it odd that some people just aren't bothered about learning as I love driving but each to their own. However I agree with a PP, there's just no way I could be with a man who doesn't drive as I would not want to be the sole driver in the household.

In my family the non-drivers are expected to make their own travel arrangements, just as the drivers are. Relying on a driver to pity drive you home when you chose not to drive is ridiculous.

I’m a driver for 20 plus years. This year I’ve had endless car problems means I’ve had to use public transport quite a lot, which genuinely doesn’t bother me.
However it seem to bother other drivers, who couldn’t get their head round why I was happy to use public transport and decline their lifts. My relative even offered to borrow me his car whilst mine was sorted, which was kind but unnecessary.
I think your ire should be directed at lack of reliable public transport and the fact that this country is very non driver friendly, not adult non drivers, there’s enough pollution from cars on the road as it is.

I passed my test when I was 17 and drove for many years but absolutely hated driving so much that a few years ago I decided to stop driving altogether. I live in a city with excellent public transport . I walk to work, shop online and use buses, taxis, trains and coaches to get where I need to go. Yes I sometimes accept lifts from friends, family or colleagues when offered - but would never expect anyone to ferry me around!

I don't get why you would want to live in a village with no public transport if you don't drive

I don't think lifts should ever be an expectation though by non drivers
I take the cab fare with me and then if I am offered I may take up a lift but would never expect it
Sometimes I prebook taxis so the drivers I'm with can relax and I know I've got my exit planned!

Exactly Cherries, in that situation I would get public transport, taxi or decline. Yes I organise meet ups with driver friends where I can get to and from easily, they are happy with the locations I pick. I find the mentality strange on here, when someone iffersa lift, am I meant to decline it in case I am viewed as a CF. If you don't want to give it, don't offer, that is not my problem. I will accept a lift if they keep insisting though.

Half the people on the roads aren't safe even though they've passed a test.
I too could pass but wouldn't feel safe for my family or others, so I don't take the test.
I accept lifts, but don't expect people to offer.
You can only change your behaviour and reactions OP, it's up to your dsis what she does.

I offer petrol money, if offered a lift.

@Sheworebluevelvet if a non driver organises something then they should be making sure they can get to it without the need for a car journey. If I was organising a weekend away for example it would be to somewhere I can access by train. If you choose to drive there rather than go by train thats your choice. If you were to book somewhere only accessible by car I would politely say unless you are happy to give me a lift I will decline the invite. I dont see any problems with this.

I don't get why you would want to live in a village with no public transport if you don't drive Because you might want to live in a small community with easy walking access to the countryside.

Not driving isn't automatically linked with a desire to live near the centre of a city, with hoards of people around and no natural scenery for miles.

I'm a non-driver so spent £40 on an uber on xmas day like i usually do. Hardly a big deal.

Lots of comments confirming what I believe car drivers think of me: lazy, and entitled, pathetically lacking a backbone. I'm painfully aware that not driving makes me a total loser. Thanks friends!

I had 20-odd hours of driving lessons when I was about 18. I managed the machine-operation aspect of driving reasonably well, but never built up any confidence and was always convinced I would be responsible for someone's death one day.

My instructor said "I don't know what's wrong with you but you're still nowhere near ready for your test". That was my last ever driving lesson. I have made a choice to not drive, but choice is always dependent on context.

Car drivers will also take taxis, buses and trains if necessary - hardly any car drivers I know have the slightest clue about public transport - buses and trains - or completely turn their noses up at it like it's for peasants. I suppose once you are used to your own car, it's hard to share with other people but generally there's a lot of ignorance from people who don't use public transport just as I suppose there is about driving from non- drivers!