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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Adults who won't drive

452 replies

Homethroughthepuddles · 26/12/2018 11:55

I'm not talking about those who have health difficulties or can't afford a car. Just those who can't be bothered to learn, or who learn but can't be bothered to sit their test.

I'm once again spending Christmas having to do all the ferrying around and staying off the wine, while my sister, who has learnt to drive and even bought a car but has refused to sit her test, has been chauffeured around and been able to drink as much as she likes.

With my mother getting older and more reliant on lifts it's very annoying.

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 26/12/2018 14:20

They've commented that if I drove there in the first place we could all avoid taxi fares

You’re really not the cheeky one in that scenario!

pissedonatrain · 26/12/2018 14:21

stbxh doesn't drive and refused to learn first and last guy I'll ever get with who doesn't drive.

He always said he didn't need to learn since he can walk or get public transport. Right. I ended up being his chauffeur. Driving long all day trips where I was the sole driver = exhausting. A few times I was quite ill and he couldn't drive me to the doctor. It limited us where we could live since it had to be close to bus or train.

Tofurkey · 26/12/2018 14:23

Far more people driving than should be driving already, as drivers you should all be happy that the roads aren't TWICE as busy with people who aren't confident on the roads. I mean, seriously think it through.

Too many people who drive like idiots on the road and should think about taking themselves off, and that's before you consider the environmental aspect.

Helping out your sibling once a year isn't the end of the world.

Mammyloveswine · 26/12/2018 14:25

I had driving lessons aged 20... my instructor told me he was unable to teach me as I was so bad. 10 years later I've just re-newed my provisional. My confidence is shot but I have a 5 year plan for my career and house move so NEED to.drive. however I will never forget how useless that driving instructor made me feel and the fact it has taken me so long to try again doesn't mean.im "lazy" or rely upon anyone for lifts
I walk miles with the double pram, take the bus or metro or get taxis. I never expect a lift and always offer money for petrol if I am offered one.

People are imo too reliant on cars and driving, particularly for short journeys and I hope that my children will use public transport regularly and recognise its importance and the environmental impact of driving.
I Will, however, be buying both my boys driving lessons for their 17th birthdays as it is a life skill.

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 26/12/2018 14:25

Neither DP nor I drive. I had about ten million lessons, but was such a nervous driver I gave up, which my instructor encouraged. We live 15 minutes walk from town, I walk 30 minutes each way to work, DP’s work run a bus, and we do grocery shopping online. Yesterday was the first time I had been in a car in about six months.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 26/12/2018 14:26

'I will come to you DSis, we can take your car and I will supervise so you get some more practice.'

Aeroflotgirl · 26/12/2018 14:26

Wow the judgement from some car drivers is shocking. So what if people just want to drive on roads that they know, or certain routes it is up to them, is it inconveniencing you? Is is affecting your life? No, so don't be an arsehole. Yes I will be going round the local routes first if I pass, and gradually building up my confidence. Since learning to drive, it is quite draining driving, the concentration, and awareness you constantly have to have, I can't imagine that on the motorway.

wrenika · 26/12/2018 14:28

I'd just say no if people are expecting for unreasonable amounts of lifts (and it's entirely at your discretion as the driver what 'unreasonable' constitutes...it could be any lifts that counts as unreasonable and you're perfectly in your right to make that decision.)

My DP can't drive. He's 29 and never learned. He couldn't afford it when he was 17 and then never bothered. He's not remotely interested in it. None of his siblings learned to drive either, or his mum. But they don't ask for lifts from me, and he doesn't expect me to ferry him around. Just now is actually the first time I've given his sister lifts and that he's asked for a fair few lifts and that's because his mum is in hospital and I don't begrudge driving them there to see their mum.

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 26/12/2018 14:28

Why do non car drivers always give the same reasons?

Yes we know it’s time consuming and costly to take a test
Yes we know it’s bloody expensive to run a car thanks.
Yes we know it’s scary sonetimes and can be stressful to park or find places.
And yes we definitely know there are too many cars in the road.

Car drivers will also take taxis, buses and trains if necessary.

It’s the non reciprocation. Non drivers are happy to be independent and sort their transport on a personal level out but they rarely say; let’s go to x,y,s and I’ll pay/ organise for you all to attend Whereas drivers will end up doing just that. pick you up ( so need to navigate), find somewhere to park, make sure they have enough fuel etc.Being given money for petrol doesn’t cover the effort.

Tofurkey · 26/12/2018 14:30

^Why do non car drivers always give the same reasons?
Yes we know it’s time consuming and costly to take a test
Yes we know it’s bloody expensive to run a car thanks.
Yes we know it’s scary sonetimes and can be stressful to park or find places.And yes we definitely know there are too many cars in the road.^

The reasons aren't likely to change you know Confused

BalthazarImpresario · 26/12/2018 14:30

Me and dp don't drive, he was in an accident as a child and has no desire to.
I couldn't afford to continue to have lessons, I also don't need a car week to week.

However I also don't expect other people to ferry me around, I find public transport routes or pay for a taxi... If there's no option I may ask friends /family but always offer to pay petrol /do something in return.

I don't expect anything.

I find the attitude on mumsnet that learning to drive is achievable for all.... Lessons are what 30 quid an hour? I dunno about you but I don't have 120 pounds spare a month.

BalthazarImpresario · 26/12/2018 14:33

Oh and I have a rail card so if we are going somewhere by train with kids I get us all the discount on the rail fares.

JacquesHammer · 26/12/2018 14:34

Whereas drivers will end up doing just that. pick you up ( so need to navigate), find somewhere to park, make sure they have enough fuel etc.Being given money for petrol doesn’t cover the effort

You need better friends!

cheesywotnots · 26/12/2018 14:35

Why do some people hate non drivers so much, we don't all ask for lifts, expect to be chauffeured around, we are happy to make our own way and pay for taxis. If I am going somewhere I am happy to collect family en route in a taxi. If you don't like being thought of as a taxi service then either don't offer or just say no. If you drive and know a friend or family member cant for whatever reason why not offer car share, especially if it's a regular journey like a school or work rin.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/12/2018 14:39

I don't expect drivers to pick me up, I get a cab or a bus to meet my friends. If it is too far, then I decline. So many assumptions, really it is making car drivers out to be nasty judgey people on here. The amount of crap that has been spouted out on here, and stereotypes of non car drivers: don't understand costs of running a car (hmmm we do you know!),
car drivers feeling guilty and giving lifts out of guilt, when non car drivers have arranged their own transport,
lazy, CF,
immature Hmm.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/12/2018 14:41

Those car drivers who are complaining, need to grow a pair and start saying no to the CF who expect lifts. There can be CF car drivers also btw who expect other car drivers to chauffer them about to save on fuel, because they want to drink, or because they can't be bothered. Don't pile all the vitriol onto non car drivers please!

ScreamingBadSanta · 26/12/2018 14:42

they rarely say; let’s go to x,y,s and I’ll pay/ organise for you all to attend Whereas drivers will end up doing just that. pick you up ( so need to navigate), find somewhere to park, make sure they have enough fuel etc.

But in that scenario, who is suggesting the drive-to event? Why invite someone to go with you and offer to drive them - knowing they are a non-driver and can't reciprocate? Why not suggest somewhere you can both travel to by public transport?

Gileswithachainsaw · 26/12/2018 14:44

Exactly aero

Plus tbh as in said it's often easier and less stressful to get public transport

Nothing worse than a car driver who offers to give you a lift who then turns up late and somehow you are the one who's made to feel responsible for not getting there on time when actually they were late befire they even got to you. But now they have a scape goat.

I find it very stressful waiting for people to show up tbh. All this time and effort it's supposed to save me never materialises.

Whereas if I get the bus I've got plenty of time.

BlueBinDay · 26/12/2018 14:46

Something I actually find really annoying about some people I know who drive, is them asking me if I want a lift, me saying "no thanks, I prefer to walk"

:) I live rurally, and take a daily morning walk to the postbox a mile away. I don't need to post anything, I just do it for the exercise. I see people I know driving through and they often stop and offer to give me a lift home. I have to tell them I'm walking on purpose and the responses vary. A couple of them seemed cross that I'd 'made them' stop unnecessarily. I must admit that the first time that happened, some years ago, I actually got in the car and thanked my neighbour for taking me home. And then laughed myself silly when I got in at what a weak ridiculous people pleaser I must be, so of course I haven't done it since.
I think it's a sign of the times when a car driver, seeing someone walking along a country lane, automatically assumes they must need a lift.

Fontofnoknowledge · 26/12/2018 14:47

All these people expecting lifts, who can drive perfectly well yet decide they are not going to drive on motorways or beyond 1 mile radius of their own home . It's ridiculous. How do you think most of us have learnt to be confident and able to drive anywhere? It is by doing it over and over again until we become confident. You are not going to magically become a competent and confident driver by doing the same little trip to the shops and back. You just take the bull by the horns and get on with it.
I can drive anywhere.
I also went on a motorway for the first time once. ! (I was 17)
I drove in London for the first time once.
I drove abroad for the first time.

Yes - we all had to do it. Or we wouldn't have got places and taking our tests and buying a car would be pointless.

Some backbone is needed. But these days everyone feels it's their right not to be challenged in anything they find difficult or uncomfortable. All a bit pathetic really.

lotusbell · 26/12/2018 14:48

'Can't be bothered to learn'? Sorry, is it an absolute must then? I'm 38 and bar unsuccessful lessons when I was 17, which I was forced into my my parents, I've never learnt to drive and I content to. My 11 year old would love me to and my father is getting older and more fragile. I admit I probably should and I can see why it make a life easier but I baulk at the cost of all of it - insurance, tax, fuel, repairs etc not to mention other drivers and the environment. I wouldn't get in a car with me as driver. Just find you 'can't be bothered to learn' comment ignorant. Why do people think it's so strange?

JacquesHammer · 26/12/2018 14:50

Just find you 'can't be bothered to learn' comment ignorant

It is ignorant.

My BF doesn’t drive. He has absolutely no need to. What a pointless waste of time/effort/money it would be.

MsSquiz · 26/12/2018 14:50

Sorry OP but more fool you for playing taxi driver.
I don't drive, I have zero interest in learning to drive and have never wanted to, didn't even apply for a provisional license.

I get along just fine, I don't ask for lifts or assume someone will give me a lift. I function perfectly well travelling via bus or taxi.

If I am unable to get somewhere by bus or taxi, I don't go. It's very simple.

If someone does offer me a lift and it's not going out of their way, I will always offer them petrol money towards the journey and it is never an expectation that a lift will be offered again in similar circumstances

I get really annoyed at these posts that presume everyone who doesn't drive (out of choice) expects people to drive them around!

lotusbell · 26/12/2018 14:50

And yes, while there are things i can't do occasionally or when I need other people to take me somewhere or drop my son off etc, I find it really odd and patronising that people pity you for using public transport. How simply awful!

UserMe18 · 26/12/2018 14:51

I honestly don't know why anyone wouldn't learn to drive, for me it's just part of growing up, we live in a rural area and the amount of people who can't drive never ceases to amaze me, the bus service is crap here too! Growing up rurally it was a right of passage to get that freedom and independence, I understand it's different in cities, but I still relied on our cars even when we lived in London! I will ensure my kids get their licence as soon as able as it's easier the younger you are, though I will be a nervous wreck.

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