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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Adults who won't drive

452 replies

Homethroughthepuddles · 26/12/2018 11:55

I'm not talking about those who have health difficulties or can't afford a car. Just those who can't be bothered to learn, or who learn but can't be bothered to sit their test.

I'm once again spending Christmas having to do all the ferrying around and staying off the wine, while my sister, who has learnt to drive and even bought a car but has refused to sit her test, has been chauffeured around and been able to drink as much as she likes.

With my mother getting older and more reliant on lifts it's very annoying.

OP posts:
ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 27/12/2018 11:10

If you choose to freely give people lifts good for you. It doesn't oblige anyone else to

Absolutely! I wrote that badly, what I meant was if I offer a lift it’s my choice to. Not that I assume someone not driving is expecting or demanding it. Until very very recently I wasn’t a driver, so I get the perspective of non drivers too.

treaclesoda · 27/12/2018 11:17

I think one of the big barriers to break with regards to driving is the expectation from employers that you must be able to drive to and from work. I've had employers in the past, and it has come up in many interviews, where I was told that they don't like people being reliant on public transport because it makes them unreliable workers. I had an interviewer tell me once that he detested staff who used public transport, particularly for a long commute, because as far as he could see, leaving to catch the last bus home was just an excuse to not pull your weight.

I'm a driver because I have to be, for exactly this reason. If I wasn't a driver, I would almost certainly be unemployed.

ReflectentMonatomism · 27/12/2018 11:18

I couldn’t care less if people don’t drive. Several colleagues don’t (urban millennials), closest friend doesn’t (health), neighbour doesn’t (preference). All can, however, get around the world perfectly competently. People for whom public transport is “too hard” are much less easy to sympathetise with.

Don’t Drive? Don’t care. Can’t get places because you can’t figure out the northern line? Don’t care, in a rather different way.

Schmoobarb · 27/12/2018 11:20

YANBU, obviously if they get themselves around under their own steam or it’s only occasional it’s not a problem but your sister sounds like a lazy entitled article, that would piss me off too.

drspouse · 27/12/2018 11:28

Worse that that is those who can drive, but only on local roads they know. So they won’t go on motorways or anywhere that they don’t know how to get to. So ridiculous
This is my aunt, she won't drive for more than about 20 mins. My DM often goes to family things that she's going to, and lives round the corner (plus my DM lived there first so my DA moved to the area basically to be supported by my DPs). So my DM ends up driving her everywhere.
Both of them are reasonably well off but would never dream of getting a taxi. Waste of money. Though my DM does end up doing a lot of driving, she also expects friends to take her to the station etc. It's a 20 min walk to us from the station but she won't ever get a taxi with her case, for example.

Gileswithachainsaw · 27/12/2018 11:32

I had an interviewer tell me once that he detested staff who used public transport, particularly for a long commute, because as far as he could see, leaving to catch the last bus home was just an excuse to not pull your weight

Shock

How long was he expecting people to stay after they finished getting paid?

And all day parking woukd cost as much as you earnt that day. Madness in places like London where there is transport until late at night

Plus if you are caught in a jam on the m6 then you are in that jam whether in a car or a bus or fucking speed boat.

People who have their own transport are often the ones who are unreliable because they cabt find anywhere to park or left late because they don't have to get the bus they don't have the same urgency to leave the house . Or they hit the drive through for breakfast etc.

On buses I always got the one that got there earlier.

Unreliable people are unreliable people. Their transport mode makes no difference.

People who live above their own bloody shop still manage to be late .

ReflectentMonatomism · 27/12/2018 11:33

Both of them are reasonably well off but would never dream of getting a taxi

Life is about choices. If they can well afford a taxi but won’t then the consequences of that are their own.

snoutandab0ut · 27/12/2018 11:34

treacle wtf? Which sector do you work in? I don’t drive and have never experienced this with regards to getting a job

treaclesoda · 27/12/2018 11:42

snout that particular interview was for an office based job and it was many years ago. And thankfully I was in a position to turn it down as I had another job lined up.

But it is something that has come up repeatedly in my over 20 years in the workplace. One manager in particular was furious because he knew I had a car but chose to take a bus to work (I had to drive to the nearest bus station and park there as I couldn't get a bus from where I lived). I did that to save money because it was too expensive to park. But the very last bus home was before 8pm, and home was over an hour away. And he said that other people were far more willing to work late than I was, therefore I wasn't a team player.

Jaxhog · 27/12/2018 11:44

It's only annoying if they expect YOU to give them a lift everywhere, or always be the 'designated driver' while they get rat arsed. Otherwise it's just a life choice.

ReflectentMonatomism · 27/12/2018 11:45

My employer is trying to discourage driving to work. This is not unusual. I can choose between driving, bus, train, bike and a (long - 50 minute) walk, and don’t regard this as my employer’s business. Car parks are expensive to provide.

treaclesoda · 27/12/2018 11:47

My current employer doesn't care how I get to work, as long as I get there.

JacquesHammer · 27/12/2018 11:54

A taxi is not going to take my mum five minutes up the road to the shopping centre, hang around while she does her shopping and chats to a couple of neighbours etc. and then run back up half an hour later when she realises she forgot to get the milk

What a shame. When my grandmother was alive, my parents were still both working. She used a regular firm of taxis who would do just that. Drop her at the shops. Agree a time and pick up point and then return.

In fact isn’t that pretty much what taxis do?!

Sweeping generalisations are pointless though aren’t they?

There are plenty of people who take advantage in a myriad of ways, plenty of people who don’t.

I do think - certainly on MN - non-drivers are an easy target when really posters have a problem with their own scenario rather than people who don’t drive as a whole.

My BF is late 40s. He has absolutely no need to drive, so why would he learn now?

Miljah · 27/12/2018 11:58

cakedup 'Huge push from the government to reduce car use'? Seriously? Will they incentivise horses instead?

My employer (nominally) 'discourages car use' but puts me on shifts that start at 6am, and others that finish at midnight..... if I drive the 7.5 miles, it takes anywhere from 15 to 40 minutes, depending on the time of day. Public transport would take a minimum of 60 minutes plus a 15 minute walk.

No thanks.

wednesday32 · 27/12/2018 12:02

I do not drive or have a driving license. i am not going to fork out for driving lessons, a car, MOT , insurance etc just for one day of the year. I am happy with walking and public transport. I don't ask or expect people to give me lifts. If you are ferrying people round then you need to put your foot down and say you're not doing it. I can;t stand people that do something then moan about it-you have a choice.

Jeanclaudejackety · 27/12/2018 12:05

Have to admit I'm sick of being expected to stay at work when my non driving counter part has to leave to get her train or her pre arranged lift.. "oh my DH has been outside for 20 mins already I really have to dash".. Sure she does it on purpose. Coupled with moaning about how the trains and buses from the very rural place she chooses to live are rubbish it makes her very unlikeable.

fieldsgrowingdark · 27/12/2018 12:18

I'm always amazed, on these threads, at how oblivious non drivers are to the amount of effort drivers in the family go to at times.

Obviously there can be good reasons why family members don't drive, but no need to be so rudely dismissive of the time and effort often put in by the drivers in the family, particularly in relation to elderly parents.

All this, 'it's your choice' 'tell them to take taxis'. So rude, harsh and unappreciative.

Youngandfree · 27/12/2018 12:19

I didn’t drive until I was 30 but lived in the city and never expected lifts from anyone now I have two kids and live rurally so I drive.🤣

Morgan12 · 27/12/2018 12:22

Why don't you all just get a taxi?

Holidayshopping · 27/12/2018 12:32

Has the OP come back?!

SusanneLinder · 27/12/2018 12:33

I don't have a problem with people who don't want to/ can't drive for health reasons. I live near a major city and for the most part, it would be a nightmare having a car due to parking issues etc. Quicker to get public transport.
I do drive ( on outskirts), and drive most places. I don't mind offering lifts if I am going that way anyway, but if it was "expected", then no.
It is a bugbear when people who did go to all the bother of learning to drive etc, have a car, and then panic about it.
I admit to being nervous once after a major car crash ( not my fault), but I really didn't want to not touch a car again, so took it a step at a time.
Back to being a reasonably confident driver again.

PoisonousSmurf · 27/12/2018 12:34

My brother never learnt to drive as he said he'd get 'too distracted' and would crash.
He's happy enough to be in a bedsit with no job and use buses to get into town.
Being able to drive would mean that he'd have a skill that would lead to a job...And that's far too scary!

PoisonousSmurf · 27/12/2018 12:37

Rural taxis are useless as well as some have to come at least 10 miles out to you and then you might only want to go 5 miles.
Many refuse to even come! No buses either.
Plenty of places in the UK where you HAVE TO be able to drive.

2rebecca · 27/12/2018 12:39

It sounds as though sister and mum can get a taxi together if neither drive and neither actually live with you although you would still have to drive unless you also got a taxi to go to all these family gatherings. We keep travelling to a minimum so we can drink if we want and it's a more relaxing holiday. Some people's xmas and new year schedules sound exhausting. Our family are scattered though so generally we are either staying where we are visiting or just phoning each other. We don't feel the need to visit every single person in our extended families over one particular 2 week period.

Holidayshopping · 27/12/2018 12:40

How do your sister and mum get to see friends and family when you aren’t there?