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Original poster

Adults who won't drive

452 replies

Homethroughthepuddles · 26/12/2018 11:55

I'm not talking about those who have health difficulties or can't afford a car. Just those who can't be bothered to learn, or who learn but can't be bothered to sit their test.

I'm once again spending Christmas having to do all the ferrying around and staying off the wine, while my sister, who has learnt to drive and even bought a car but has refused to sit her test, has been chauffeured around and been able to drink as much as she likes.

With my mother getting older and more reliant on lifts it's very annoying.

OP posts:
CoughLaughFart · 27/12/2018 00:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

FoxFoxSierra · 27/12/2018 00:48

Did you bother to read the rest of my post CoughLaughFart ? Hmm

CoughLaughFart · 27/12/2018 00:50

What are you suggesting? That the rest of it made your initial comment somehow useful or valid?

FoxFoxSierra · 27/12/2018 00:54

That would be a no then Hmm

Who are you to judge me or whether my pov is valid or not? If you are going to judge someone at least take the time to read all of the information they have presented to you

CoughLaughFart · 27/12/2018 01:17

I’ve read it all and think it’s all tripe. Can I ‘judge’ you now?

FoxFoxSierra · 27/12/2018 01:37

Grin judge away! It's of no consequence to either of us really is it? Some defensive judgemental non driver on the internet thinks I'm shallow and some random shallow driver online doesn't want to date you, so what? I very much doubt you were intending to ask me on a date anyway but at least you know in advance what the answer would be Grin

gluteustothemaximus · 27/12/2018 01:38

I don’t drive. I think I would be useless therefore dangerous behind a wheel. I also don’t think the world needs yet another car on the road.

There are plenty of cars about and plenty of shit drivers.

However, I do not ever get lifts and do not expect it. In fact I go out of my way to use public transport and get there myself.

JeanPagett · 27/12/2018 01:42

I don't drive.

I've spent thousands of pounds on lessons and failed an embarrassing number of tests. This thread has, also embarrassingly, really upset me.

I'm single at the moment and the idea that an otherwise nice guy would write me off because of this one thing I can't do is really depressing.

WendyWoofer · 27/12/2018 01:56

WendyWooferI hope that you diden't indulge his CF behaviour, he is a CF not because he is a non car driver, but because your nephew is an inconsiderate prick. No No No should be the answer to his requests

No was the definite response tonight. As a result DN said he'd get a lift from a friend instead. I've just got back from the club. DN is still here....

I'll gladly give him a lift to the train station in the morning... inconsiderate CF! I mean, who would turn up for a weekend away with no cigs?? Only those who are used to walking a short distance to the shop. Or those who don't drive and think those who do drive are at their beck and call.

CF indeed! It's no wonder his parents saw fit to go away for Christmas and leave him behind! Angry

nokidshere · 27/12/2018 02:02

I'm once again spending Christmas having to do all the ferrying around and staying off the wine, while my sister, who has learnt to drive and even bought a car but has refused to sit her test, has been chauffeured around and been able to drink as much as she likes.

The problem isn't your sisters reluctance to drive but your reluctance to say no.

Share a cab if you don't want to do it

Canuckduck · 27/12/2018 02:04

It’s annoying. I have a couple in my family like this, just can’t be bothered. Even if they chose not to run a car if they learned they could occasionally rent a car etc. Combined with my elderly grandmother (who genuinely can’t drive) and another relative who constantly gets lost it means a small amount of people unfairly share the burden of driving. It’s the same with hosting for other reasons. It is unavoidable for the sake of family harmony but still annoying.

Defenbaker · 27/12/2018 02:07

I understand why people are nervous about driving, because the roads are very congested, there are many dangerous drivers around and the whole experience can be very stressful. I was driving home on a deserted country road late at night when a nutter came out of nowhere at high speed and rammed into my car, then drove off. The driver was never caught, my car was write off and I've been anxious about driving ever since. I have to drive to work (unsociable hours, no decent train/bus connection), but these days I rarely drive anywhere else and I avoid driving anywhere outside my home town, because I feel safer on familiar roads where I can concentrate fully on driving carefully and looking out for any dangerous drivers, without the added worry of taking a wrong turn and getting lost (I've never had a great sense of direction anyway). My drive to work involves some motorway driving, and these days I tend to stay in the slow lane, keeping up with the traffic but rarely going into the other lanes to overtake. I see a lot of impatient tailgaters, usually men driving sporty cars, and when I see them zoom up close behind me before moving out to overtake me it makes me nervous. Once they've passed me I watch as they tailgate one car after another, flashing their lights as they weave in and out of different lanes, and I just feel relieved they're way ahead of me and nowhere near me. It's such an aggressive way to drive, so unnecessary and intimidating, it makes me feel that many humans are too unstable to be in charge of what amounts to lethal weapon, weighing over a ton. So, although it's annoying when people opt out of driving for selfish reasons, then expect others to chauffeur them around, I wouldn't blame anyone who chooses not to drive due to genuine nervousness/anxiety issues. Anyway, whatever their reasons are, I think they should be prepared to use public transport/taxis where possible, and offer petrol if they regularly accept lifts from others.
There are lots of CFs around, who manipulate others and make nice people feel obliged to run around for them, doing them all sorts of favours. It can be hard to say no once a pattern is established, so the trick is to break the pattern, once you notice it, the sooner the better.

ineedtostopbeingsolazy · 27/12/2018 03:21

Are you sure your sister refuses to take her test because she's bought a car which must mean that she's keen to drive so its possible that she's failed it a few times.

RoobyRoobyRooby · 27/12/2018 08:06

I don’t drive - a combination of very severe anxiety, not having access to a car for a few years after getting my licence that I felt like I forgot, and now eyesight issues. I’ve tried to re-learn and just was hopeless. I use public transport/walking/taxis where possible, but I know that I can also be reliant on other people at times and end up being a burden at times and I don’t feel good about it. I just can’t drive though.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/12/2018 08:45

wendyWoofer, your nephew is a CF, being a non car driver has nothing to do with it. I am a non car driver(learning), would never behave like your neohew.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/12/2018 09:15

Your nephew's parents have probably been indulging him, and giving him lifts everywhere, instead of teaching him to be an independent adult.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/12/2018 09:17

Sad that some people on here view non drivers as being a turn off, good thing dh was more open minded. People do not drive for a number of reasons, not because they are lazy or can't be bothered, a common misconception amongst some drivers. They may have a disability or difficulties, affecting their ability to drive, high anxiety.

DoAsYouWouldBeMumBy · 27/12/2018 09:24

I have spent a lot of money and effort on trying to learn to drive. I'm awful at it and I have a nervous disposition, which makes it close to impossible. I have asked for a lift about twice in my life, I get everywhere under my own steam. I don't look down on other people, who don't have the skills that I do in other areas of life, and it's crap to know how much you lot look down on me for my inability to do something that is very useful but also dangerous. Cheers Sad

TheBigBangRocks · 27/12/2018 09:40

I don't think not being a driver would put me off dating a person, as long as they were able to get to work themselves and pay their share of the bills. If they were very limited on jobs due to it then it would have an impact on other areas in life.

However I don't mind giving family or friends the odd lift, especially at Christmas. People don't seem to help out each other anymore.

Lydiaatthebarre · 27/12/2018 10:51

I don't think anyone's objecting to giving the 'odd lift' to people. This thread is about people who are perfectly capable of driving, have no impediment stopping them, but just can't be bothered to learn or sit their test.
While they might be happy enough to get around under their own steam, those people often don't realise the extra burden it puts on other family members, particularly when elderly parents become too frail to drive themselves or use public transport.

And always, always on these threads you get the impractical 'let them use taxis' response. A taxi is not going to take my mum five minutes up the road to the shopping centre, hang around while she does her shopping and chats to a couple of neighbours etc. and then run back up half an hour later when she realises she forgot to get the milk.

A taxi is no use when she needs a last minute lift to bridge, or when it's a lovely Sunday afternoon and she has a yearning to go for a drive somewhere, or when she wants to go up to my father's grave and plant some new flowers.

They are all things I gladly do with her, but if I'm not around some weekend my sister can't help. If, god forbid, I break my leg and can't drive for weeks there will be no spontaneous lifts that just broaden her horizons and make her life a bit simpler, available.

Yes, my sister could live abroad or at the other side of the country so it would be the same as if she couldn't drive.

But she doesn't, so if she could drive it would make so many situations much simpler.

I totally get how the OP feels, but I can see that a lot of posters on here genuinely don't.

keenkaren · 27/12/2018 10:58

With my mother getting older and more reliant on lifts

Sounds like she's getting too frail to really drive safely tbh

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 27/12/2018 11:00

This thread is about people who are perfectly capable of driving, have no impediment stopping them, but just can't be bothered to learn or sit their test.

But some posters have had a go at pp on here for not driving enough, or not trying hard enough despite having valid reasons.

Also, the martyr comments are getting ridiculous.

I’ll offer a lift to people, especially if it’s a route I’m confident of, or (as has been the case since I passed) it’s been thundering down with rain and they’re walking. Just because it’s a bit grim getting soaked as I merrily drive off!

Biancadelriosback · 27/12/2018 11:02

Unless you know all their fears and inner most thoughts, how do you know they are just lazy? Perhaps they are terrified and won't admit it to you? I hate driving with a passion, I won't drive on motorways or country roads. And why should I? As a grown up, I won't be forced to do something which makes me uncomfortable. My brother had lessons and failed his test 5 times before finally passing. He refuses to drive. In his words, he proved he isn't a good driver, and bad/nervous drivers are dangerous on the roads. He would rather not fill a car with people he loved and drive them around as he thinks it's too risky. Of course, if you ask his friends, he tells them he can't be bothered. He isn't going to admit that it scares him.

SnuggyBuggy · 27/12/2018 11:05

If you choose to freely give people lifts good for you. It doesn't oblige anyone else to

Ilikeknitting · 27/12/2018 11:09

You don’t have to be designated driver, you chose to be. Say “nope, I can’t drive you, I’ve already had a drink” and get on with your life.

Of my three adult children, the one that has taken her test can’t afford a car, the middle one lives in a city where public transport is easier/quicker/cheaper and the youngest admits to being intimidated by the thought of driving a machine call of causing multiple deaths (her words, not mine. She has good reason to be anxious ) so my husband and I do all the driving over Christmas. Just accept that other people live differently to you and concentrate on living your life. There is no rules that say you have to be a mug to please others. Learn to say no, it’s bloody satisfying.