Adults who won't drive

[Homethroughthepuddles]

I'm not talking about those who have health difficulties or can't afford a car. Just those who can't be bothered to learn, or who learn but can't be bothered to sit their test.

I'm once again spending Christmas having to do all the ferrying around and staying off the wine, while my sister, who has learnt to drive and even bought a car but has refused to sit her test, has been chauffeured around and been able to drink as much as she likes.

With my mother getting older and more reliant on lifts it's very annoying.

Sometimes drivers get weirdly pushy about insisting they give you a lift too.

A few years ago I flew to a family wedding with baby DC1 and my uncle invited everyone to his place for lunch the day after. I can’t drive anyway (medical reasons) plus had no car seat for the baby, but I knew there was a train station in the village where he lived, so ok no problem train it is.

Family would NOT have it. Absolutely insisted on giving me a lift, “Oh you can’t POSSIBLY get a train there and then walk to his house, not with a baby!”, wouldn’t even give me his address until I agreed. So I had to go through all the faff of sorting out a car seat for that one journey, and then the baby screamed in the car the whole way, and then the relatives giving me a lift complained about the screaming baby and then made lots of loud sighing comments after about how it would be soooooo much easier if I could drive myself.

Non-drivers are used to getting ourselves around. Just say no if you’re asked and don’t want to, and don’t martyr yourself offering lifts you don’t want to give to people who haven’t even asked you in the first place.

Non drivers are happy to be independent and sort their transport on a personal level out but they rarely say; let’s go to x,y,s and I’ll pay/ organise for you all to attend

Erm, why the fuck would I pay for everyone to get there? I have no need to drive. If we want to meet at say Pizza Hut - I'll get the train, my friends will drive. We all get there the same time and leave at the same time.

I certainly don't expect lifts.

I don't need a car - I live an hour away from Manchester by train and I'm capable of walking to the supermarket to get my shopping, or I get it delivered.

YANBU!

Non drivers are happy to be independent and sort their transport on a personal level out but they rarely say; let’s go to x,y,s and I’ll pay/ organise for you all to attend

This must be one of the stupidest - if not the stupidest - post I have read on this subject.

What Sneaky said. Why the heck should I organise other people's transport and then pay for it?

Sometimes drivers get weirdly pushy about insisting they give you a lift too
God yes, I've known far too many people like this. They will not believe that you aren't desperate to travel in their car.Tell them you quite like your walk to the bus stop and bus journey with headphones in and no fucker talking at you and they react as if you've said you like the smell of sick.

My BF doesn’t drive. He has absolutely no need to. What a pointless waste of time/effort/money it would be

I've been surprised on this thread, that there are women who would actually reject a man who didn't have a driving licence. And actually find the man unattractive because of his reluctance to learn to drive, or just generally not want to drive or feel the need to have personal transport. There are one or two major Film Heart Throbs who don't drive. Just google it Ladies.

I see that decision as strength of character and self reliance, and would find it quite attractive.

As an older woman who has been married twice, I can assuredly advise all you mid thirties ladies that whether he has or has not a driving license is at the very bottom of the check list.

I can't get over these assertions that if the new b/f doesn't drive, he just gets binned!!!! I'm afraid it's you who will be the loser.

I can drive and have passed my test ( I really don’t know how that happened) but I’m a terrible driver. I struggle to coordinate left and right, look at middle distance to plan, and I’m hesitant. When I bought my first car I hit a cyclist and stopped driving. My DH persuaded me to try again and I crashed within 2 weeks ( no one was injured as I am very slow, and the police said I wasn’t at fault either time). If I was the only person on the toad it would be fine but I can’t cope with all the other drivers who don’t follow the rules! So I don’t drive. I never ask for lifts, and I hate being pressured into taking them. I live in a City with great transport. I regularly take my wheelchair using daughter 250 miles to hospital appointments on public transport. It can be tough not having a car, especially feeling judged for it, and it really limits my work opportunities, but I don’t drive to protect everyone! I have lots of other skills, just not this one. I’m very excited about these driverless cars coming though.

I wonder if the people saying that would be fine if it was the case that the bf was the only one who drove and the woman didn't. You'd think not but you never know on here...

I don’t drive and I’m more than happy to find my own way to places. I am quite capable of going to the shops. Seeing friends, going on holiday etc.
I am probably way more capable of being in a strange place and finding my way around on foot or transport. It makes you have to think harder. You can’t just jump in the car.
But we are all lazy and feckless apparently!

Not really.
My DH does not drive, we live in London with excellent transport so day to day we rarely get in the car. It's a bit annoying that I have to always drive on longer journeys but he'd happily take a train. I drive though to save time /money.
MIL does not drive either. I used to pick her up & drive her over etc but recently have stopped offering. She seems happy enough to take a bus.
I am not generous with lifts / driving when I don't need to as I don't enjoy being in the car, especially once it's dark. No ones had an issue with that, that I know of!

I drive in a family of non-drivers and often end up being the chauffeur.

I think being pissed off about not being able to drink is more pathetic than not driving.

I actually prefer it to walk and get annoyed when people insist I want a lift or assume I do or they have to offer. It’s total projection and it’s really embarrassing to have to keep refusing when they think you’re being polite. 99.9 % ofbthe tomd I prefer to walk or sit quietly on a bus listening to my music. Not being driven by someone and making polite conversation.
Often journeys out or home is where I do my processing amidst a very busy life.. a 5 minute car journey takes that away

Personally, I think that those who refuse to learn (rather than can't, for whatever reason) to drive are missing out.

I've been driving safely and confidently for more than 20 years and because I can get around under my own steam, I've been able to see and do things that I would never have been able to do had I had to rely on other people, or public transport. I find being able to drive immensely freeing.

And you don't have to own a car: I've gone through periods of not having a car of my own, but I've been able to hire or borrow one, if necessary.

And as PPs have said, for those who say they're too nervous or anxious - driving is a skill and it takes practice: nobody was born a terrific driver. I remember the first time I drove on a motorway by myself, which was, admittedly terrifying, but I persevered and it was fine.

I've had a Class 1 HGV licence for the past 10 years now and regularly drive a 12T rigid lorry, which would obviously have been unthinkable when I passed my test at 18, but hey - I learned!

I just think that, assuming you have no pressing reason not to, not being able to drive is self-limiting.

YANBU! I invited my nephew over to spend Christmas with the family as his parents have gone abroad for Christmas. He was due to arrive at our local train station at 5pm Christmas eve. I prepared a lovely dinner to welcome him. DH, DD and DS went to meet him at the station. No sign of him. Texted him. He had stopped off at the capital city to have a drink with his mate. Recieved text at 11pm! "Ready now. Can you pick me up. No trains running". DH drives 30 miles to collect him.

Christmas day - I spent all day cooking for 18 of us. DH taking the dog out for a walk at 3pm, to make sure she was tired when our guests arrived at 4pm. DN " Is the shop open? I need to get cigs. Oh it's not? Im sure there will be a garage open where you can run me to". Drove him 15 miles to get a packet of cigs, whilst in the middle of preparing dinner! 😡

Boxing Day - DH and I have tickets to see a local band, that my DS plays in, at the local club. DN as aware of that. He hasn't engaged in conversation all day. Just as I'm getting in the bath, and DH has taken the dog out DN announced he has been invited to a house party at capital city. Nice....trains are running a Sunday service. He can't possibly catch the next train as he will be late.

Well tough luck! It had been arranged for him to spend the evening with my DD and a few friends, that he knows, at home. He was happy with arrangement yesterday.

I have told him "No. I dont have time". He's having a right strop.

He won't be invited for Christmas next year that's for sure! 🤬

WendyWoofer I hope that you diden't indulge his CF behaviour, he is a CF not because he is a non car driver, but because your nephew is an inconsiderate prick. No No No should be the answer to his requests.

or those who say they're too nervous or anxious - driving is a skill and it takes practice: nobody was born a terrific driver

That's true, but some have more aptitude than others; and with driving, if you have no aptitude and are hopeless at it, while you are practising you are in charge of a machine which, if ineptly handled, can kill people.

I took 5 tests and failed all of them. I have a huge anxiety about driving, it make sure me feel physically sick/faint and I can’t concentrate on anything other than trying to remember to breathe. I walk or take the bus most places and hate that I can’t drive. Tbf it’s probably safer for the general public that I’m not on the roads but I understand that it must get annoying

My OH's step dad is like this. He drives abroad in Spain and will drive to Skegness but he won't drive to ours because he doesn't like a particular road he'd have to use to get here. 🤔 Meaning every time they visit, we end up ferrying them back and forth, it really grates on me.

Just find you 'can't be bothered to learn' comment ignorant

It goes beyond ignorant. It's actually very insulting.
People have their own reasons for not driving, which they may not wish to share.

This thread "Adults who won't drive" just smacks of general ignorance and intolerance, People who don't want to drive have their reasons for not driving but they don't want to share them with you because you are so very obviously uncompromising and will be shitty and demoralising about it. They are not confident in their driving skills. .They might be a vet or a mortgage advisor, they might be pretty confident in all other areas of their lives, but driving up a busy motorway is not their idea of heaven.

The more 'confident' drivers among us have no problem. But the more 'confident' drivers are the ones who shoot in and out of the overtaking lanes, and undertake when it suits them. If everyone followed the rules of the road I wouldn't have a problem driving at all.
But nowadays they don't . So nowadays I stay right out of it.

People who describe themselves as confident drivers are more oftenly recognised as aggressive drivers. It's a fact. Read up folks.

Fatal accidents - 98% involve young and inexperienced drivers under 25 years. As an adult , when you learn that, you start to be really careful how you drive around town.

I've been driving up and down motorways for 40 years. It's been ok mostly. It's not ok now. There are more idiots about. Lots of idiots who wind about and waver between lanes because they are doing social media or texts.

It is very noticeable, and I'm pissed off that I can't drive anywhere now because of those idiots.. There was a time 30 years ago when I could drive 300 miles to see my parents. I cannot do that now due to the proliferation of idiots on the road.

I can drive fine. I'm a good driver. But there are so many idiots on the road now that I'd rather get a train.

I just think that, assuming you have no pressing reason not to, not being able to drive is self-limiting

I can drive .I have my own personal Citroen C3. I just don't want to. I can get to all the places I want to go without driving. I can actually drive, but I look for the non-driving options because I really dislike driving. There has been NOWHERE, no town or destination that I cannot access because I don't want to drive my own car there.

Not wanting to drive somewhere is not self-limiting. You can still get wherever you want to go. Car drivers are hugely lacking in imagination and organisational skills if they feel that's their only option.

Like, if you don't have your own car parked in your own driveway, you'll actually be unable to go anywhere under your own steam?

I'm quite shocked to hear from more than one pp that they would find a man without a driving licence too unattractive to entertain.
I would find it attractive and quirky and a bit outre.
I'd quite like that 'don't give a sod' quality.

I don't drive, just don't see a reason to, and don't enjoy the process. Taxi when I need it is much cheaper than car + petrol + insurance + parking. Otherwise, public transport works just fine.

I drive. I do it because I have to rather than because I enjoy it (I don't enjoy it). It is necessary here though because public transport is not great.

I can see how driving can make some people very anxious, and how driving anxiety can stop some from driving at all. I could yet become one of those people.

I am increasingly a local driver and like routes I am well used to. I don't like motorways nor driving after dark because I find streams of oncoming headlights totally dazzling.

I used to drive some longer distances when younger and whilst I managed perfectly well enough, I didn't actually like it. So I no longer drive those distances. I take the train if I go to my parents' house.

I don't consider myself pathetic for being this way. I've never asked for lifts at all. I can't even remember the last time I had a lift anywhere with anyone except DH, and that was because of an eye examination I had to have which involved BBC's the use of drops which affect my vision for a few hours afterwards. I am quite adept at finding my way using what public transport we do actually have around here. It just takes a bit of extra planning.

In short, I understand why some people don't drive. I understand too though why people like OP get fed up of always being the designated driver. Been there too and didn't like it. You have to be firm about saying no and meaning it.

Every time we wanted to do anything at all outside of our village it was always down to me. IKEA? I had to drive. Nice country pub and walk? I had to drive. Visiting friends relatives (30min drive vs 1hr train with a change)? I had to drive or spend an extra hour and more money on a train. It just became very off-putting.

Couldn’t he have argued that it was ‘off-putting’ that you lived in a nowheresville village where you couldn’t get anywhere without a car?

Not being able to get to IKEA sounds like a major plus to me. Driving somewhere to have a walk seems to defeat the object. And an hour by train versus 30 minutes in the car is hard lot prohibitive. I’d certainly rather catch a bus than date a moaning old cow like you.

BlueBinDay in the case of my ex he really just couldn't be bothered to learn. We were together 14 years and the whole time he said he was going to take lessons but never did

I stand by my statement that I would never date a non driver again. I do enjoy driving and have no problem giving lifts but it gets draining being 100% responsible for all the fetching, dropping off etc and if I was to be in another relationship I would want to be with someone who could share that responsibility. It's not just about drinking but that too is a part of it - non drivers don't ever have to worry about how many glasses of wine they have had at a wedding for example! It would be lovely to be able to take it in turns to be the designated driver. We live rurally so use the car a lot, the dc's school is too far away to walk so the school run is always left to me. I often panic in case I am held up at work because there is only me who can collect the dcs whereas if he drove too I could call him and ask him to collect them in an emergency. For me the fact that my ex said he would learn meant that I didn't plan on those things being long term scenarios and I became resentful of them, maybe if he had been upfront about it I would have felt differently, who knows?

If it's a choice - financially led or use public transport then fine, if not and you expect to be ferried about then those people are freeloading pricks