To have swapped the presents

[Onahillside]

My DCs wrote a wish list of a number of items - all roughly the same price. We / Santa would get a couple and my DParents and DB one each. DCs identified which 3 they wanted from Santa - and I asked DParents / DB specifically which ones to buy. In fact one of them I had already bought and had delivered so they just needed to transfer the money.

When my DCs wrote their Santa letters, they then started to include items which weren’t on the original wish list (and therefore hadn’t been bought). It was out of our budget to add those to the presents - so I managed to get the DCs to be happy with a Santa letter which included only items from the original wish list (but each had one item which I had actually asked my DParents / DB to buy.

No problem I thought - messaged them to say we’ll need to swap the presents around when we arrive to stay over on Christmas Eve so that the ‘right’ presents turned up from Santa. Remember these are presents which I either sent them the specific link to buy or actually ordered myself.

Christmas Eve comes and after the DCs go to bed, I say ‘right let’s get the presents swapped’ expecting it to be rather lighthearted / joking about the things you do for kids etc. Instead I was met with ‘you can’t, they’re already wrapped before you told us’, ‘we’re not looking through all the presents for them’, ‘you’ve really messed things up’ etc.

DM did get the presents and I found the right ones and unwrapped and asked her is she wanted X gift instead (similar value and still really wanted by DC). ‘I don’t care just chuck it in the bag’ (unwrapped with some other smaller wrapped gifts) was my DM response.

I told her I thought it would have been done in good grace and that she was being childish, she said I shouldn’t talk to her like that, raised some other issues and said I was always spoiling things and it all kicked off.

Anyway, we’ve ‘made up’ now but deep down I’m still annoyed that I was the bad guy and I genuinely didn’t / don’t think I did anything wrong asking for the presents to be swapped - especially given the way they were chosen and bought.

Ps - my DPs love my kids dearly and would have been happy to choose something for them - but preferred to get something they knew that they wanted.

So - was I unreasonable asking them to swap and expect that it was done in good grace?

YABU and have created far too much angst over it all

the letter/list for Santa is a wish list and you would do well to teach your children that they won’t always get everything they ask for and they may get things that they haven’t asked for

You’re massively over complicating the whole thing!

Kids write letter to Santa. You buy the things from the list that your budget allows, maybe a few surprises as well. You could suggest other things from the list to family who ask what to get. Kids don’t get to decide who gives them what, that’s just bizarre!

Who could actually be arsed to take things this far ?! 😂😂😂

@Mulberry72. What’s wrong with saying Santa? Millions of people (mainly outside England) call him Santa ffs

You must know other children manage to find joy in Christmas presents without it being done using your system.

As for your cabbage patch story the way you managed your second letter/list to Santa is the same mentality and if you cant change how you manage Christmas it'll be your child in tears.
At the end of the day Christmas is about more than the gifts your children received it's about the enjoyment of everyone.
But, and this is the bit I hope you take away it's traditionally also a time when we can reflect on how we can grow better as a person. I really really hope you can see an opportunity for growth and change in consideration for others when deciding how to achieve the perfect bubble for your children

Why didmt ypu tell ypur kids too late dgp and du have already got you wjat you asked for from them so santa doesnt need to bring that.
You made things way to complicated and were really pretty rude.

This is one of the most bizarre posts I've seen re Christmas.

You've taken a lovely concept (the exchange of gifts) and over complicated to the extent the last element of joy has been sucked out.

Wow just wow Have you apologised? How old are the kids?

YABVVU

OMG - very rude and controlling. I think you need to have a good think about why you need to be like this.

Children don’t get to decide who things they’ve asked for are from. They are from whoever’s name is on the label. HTH.

I agree with this. What a ridiculous system, get them to write a list and take it from there. Constant back and forth and it sounds like they wrote their list and then a separate letter to Santa. Way to complicated.

You were very rude indeed. Way to suck the joy out of gift giving.

YANVU and very controlling.

It was you that was behaving like a spoilt child not your DM.

Looooool. You sound like a proper control freak

AIBU- yes

OP- er no, I don't think so

Wow, way too complicated! And very rude to your mum. Why should she be gracious? She has bought what you suggested and at the 11th hour you say, no, those gifts are from Santa?!

We say you can write a list, Santa may get you 1 thing from that list or he may surprise you. Stocking pressies from Santa too. Everything else from whoever.

Means we can take credit for a big ticket item, extended family get thanks, DD happy as larry.

Next year everyone will go off list and bring the gifts themselves guaranteed.

Fancy upsetting everyone on Christmas Day to let an imaginary character control the gifts. I'd have refused to swap and handed over the gift myself saying it was from me.

I have not read the blow by blow account of this insanity but I get the gist. Dear god, your behaviour is off the scale.

Your poor Mum. Your behaviour was awful OP. Own it and apologise.

Grabbiness personified.

Thinking about it, I hope your family swapped your presents 😂

Your poor Mom, you sound awful and controlling. I wouldn't be inviting you for Christmas next year if I was her.

so the DC don't think their GP have bought them anything and it all comes from santa? Have I got that right. Why cant they be allowed to choose their own gifts for their grandchildren? I am confused. Normally Christmas gifts from santa are bought by the parents and relatives allowed to purchase something they think the children will like, you know put thought into gift buying, after all its the thought that counts isn't it?

Gosh - your behaviour was a tad cuntish

Just a tad. Hate that expression normally but it is satisfyingly apposite on this occasion.

You really made hard work for yourself and your family. Don't get me wrong, like the pp i get that sometimes you have an idea stuck in your head and the idea of deviating can make you anxious or controlling. But you need to see that it's your issue, not the true fact.