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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH cuddling and kissing his DM

154 replies

Lellikelly26 · 26/12/2018 08:03

Yesterday my DH was sat on the sofa with his DM cuddling her and kissing her on the head. this has made me feel a bit sick and has put me off him. I’m all for affection but sitting on the sofa cuddling your mum all afternoon is surely a bit much.

OP posts:

gimmeadoughnut123 · 26/12/2018 20:57

Initially I read your post and thought cuddling and kissing on the head for a bit is normal, but all afternoon is strange.

Then I read what you said about holding her hand after his DF died. And think anyone that could think that is an issue is probably exaggerating everything else.

I regularly give my Mum a cuddle, kiss her head and tell her how cute and little she is. Because she IS cute and little and I love her to bits. I'm 25.
I do the same with my dad. They're my parents and one day they won't be here for me to cuddle.

Lizzie48 · 26/12/2018 21:02

A son who holds his mothers hand when she Is bereft, a son who will show his widowed mother affection and you think it is gross?

Tbh I think that's the kind of comment a teenager might make, not an adult who must surely understand that that would have been a time when the widowed mum needed her son's support and how lovely it is that he was there for her.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 26/12/2018 21:08

It's all very sketchy. I doubt very much they were kissing and cuddling all day. Lots of info missed out here too.

Troels · 26/12/2018 21:12

I got a load of cuddles and a few kisses from my 24 year old son yesterday. Older one I got less (sensory issues bless him, but he tried) I hope to god this never changes. I even got love you messages and kisses after they went home.
Loving your Mum and your Mum loving you as a grown up is nothing to be ashamed or grossed out about.

Moussemoose · 26/12/2018 21:26

Watching a film on the telly, slouching on the settee leaning against DS, chatting randomly, every now and the he kisses my head.

Totally normal.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 26/12/2018 21:37

Since the mother is a relatively recent widow, perhaps her son is trying to comfort her (at what must be a truly heartbreaking time of year)and is using the things that made him feel better when he was a child, ie his mother cuddling him and kissing/stroking his hair.
My sons are strapping teenagers now, but they still revert to the things which gave them comfort as small children when they want to comfort other people.

Kerrieanne85 · 26/12/2018 21:48

What's wrong with a son cuddling and kissing his own mum??

Wouldn't you want your children to still show you love and affection when you're old?

SushiMonster · 26/12/2018 22:03

Then I read what you said about holding her hand after his DF died. And think anyone that could think that is an issue is probably exaggerating everything else

Yup I’m on this view point.

Why do we get so hung up on all affection must be sexual?

keenkaren · 26/12/2018 22:10

What's wrong with a son cuddling and kissing his own mum??

What's wrong with a mum wiping her son's bum??

sizzledrizz · 26/12/2018 22:13

I'd be more concerned by a grown man that couldn't show affection to his own mother. My boys are very affectionate towards me. I hope it never ends

FithColumnist · 26/12/2018 22:16

My DM is currently in a secure mental health unit, and I haven't been able to see her for five months. I would literally do pretty much anything for her to be sitting next to me so I could give her a hug and kiss her on her head.

OP, YABVU.

FithColumnist · 26/12/2018 22:21

Also, think on it this way: my DIL won't let DS give me a kiss or a cuddle. She thinks it's weird because he's now a grown man. AIBU to think that DIL is being an unpleasant controlling cow?

Debfronut · 26/12/2018 22:26

My sons are both on the spectrum. They are very tactile with me and I dread the day a girl comes into their lives and that all stops. Whilst watching Die Hard today my 16 year old was playing with my fingers and my hair in an affectionate way the whole time and I will miss it if or when he stops. But we are a huggy family so maybe it is odd to others

WhenLifeGivesYouLemonsx · 26/12/2018 22:31

Troll.

Moussemoose · 26/12/2018 22:37

@missmouse101 I will not engage in abusive private messages.

I do not think what the OP describes is 'gross' and I think when you assume giving affection to a mother who has lost her partner is somehow 'gross' it reflects upon you.

Perhaps you are the kind of person who sends unpleasant PMs? Now that is 'gross'.

missmouse101 · 26/12/2018 22:39

Hugging and kissing ALL afternoon was the weird and gross bit for me, especially whilst girlfriend was present. Sexual connotation wouldn't enter my head. I didn't read anything about being bereaved-my mistake there.

Mrsfrumble · 26/12/2018 22:40

The last time I saw my dad I kissed and cuddled him the whole time. He had dementia and his conversation wasn’t up to much, but he knew who I was and was comforted by the contact. I’m so glad I did, because he died 5 weeks later.

OP, if your DP has already lost his dad, he’ll be acutely aware that his mum won’t be around forever (even if she’s in good health now) and probably just wants to show her he loves her while he can.

This is one thread where I hope desperately the OP is a troll.

RebelWitchFace · 26/12/2018 23:28

I do that with my mum and she's not even a nice mum or person.
I do it with my friends too.
I gave my dad backrubs when he was poorly.
And when my dad died any partner that objected at how i comforted my mum could go and fuck themselves.

CaptainCabinets · 27/12/2018 02:25

I cuddle up to my Dad on the sofa still, or sit at the opposite end and plonk my feet in his lap because he gives the best foot massages!

MulticolourMophead · 27/12/2018 03:52

OP is the weird one to me.

I hugged both parents all the time. I sat with mum holding her hand for ages the night before she died. I spent time hugging dad after mum passed, and still give him hugs and a kiss when we meet up.

Both my DCs are happy giving hugs to me and each other, and this includes my mid-teens DS.

We are a tactile family, and at no time has this been thought of as being sexualised in nature. Because it's not, it's just giving and receiving affection from each other.

A mother and son showing affection is not gross but what the op described is inappropriate and yes, gross.

Of course it isn't. And OP sounds pretty uptight to me, not even being okay with her DH showing his own mum some simple affection and empathy by holding her hand when she's lost her husband.

lboogy · 27/12/2018 04:21

Tbh, you sound like the weird one

Rachelle3211 · 27/12/2018 13:29

This thread is so sad. He held his mom's hand when her husband died and you were uncomfortable with that? You have issues.

SD1978 · 27/12/2018 13:50

Different people do things differently. I sit on the sofa with my dad when watching a movie, and still snuggle in (at 40 😳) we are a tactile family. I don't assume everyone else is, but also don't judge people who aren't. I see nothing work g with it, and think your reaction is a tad extreme. He loves his mum. What age do you believe you should stop/have stopped this with your own children? I don't think it's fair to be so judgmental, and find it weird.

Loftyswops988 · 27/12/2018 14:02

I'm from a very affectionate family so i think cuddling up with parents is quite a nice thing! However, my DP cuddles with her dad in a way that makes me feel quite nauseous - i honestly wish i could see it in a different light but he strokes her arm with these light little creepy touches and she loves it and will even sit beside him and ask for it. We're grown ups... its all a bit uncomfortable. When i mentioned it though i was the one who was told i had a bad mind of course

nosolnswoutproblems · 27/12/2018 14:09

Agree with others, that families are all different. If you are not used to a tactile family you might find it odd. However, thinking a son holding a widowed mother's hand is something to be 'overlooked' is very strange.

You sound quite jealous of their relationship.

I agree with MouseMouse.

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