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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH cuddling and kissing his DM

154 replies

Lellikelly26 · 26/12/2018 08:03

Yesterday my DH was sat on the sofa with his DM cuddling her and kissing her on the head. this has made me feel a bit sick and has put me off him. I’m all for affection but sitting on the sofa cuddling your mum all afternoon is surely a bit much.

OP posts:

WitchesHatRim · 26/12/2018 13:07

Bering affectionate is one thing, but spending the afternoon kissing and cuddling on the sofa is a bit much surely?

Given that OP thinks it is wrong that he held his DM hand on the car journey just when his DF died I am guessing they are exagerating exactly what happened.

kaytee87 · 26/12/2018 13:08

So what exactly happened op?
How long were they really cuddling for?
How many times did he really kiss her?

keenkaren · 26/12/2018 13:19

Why does this thread remind me of the one recently where someone's DH asked her to wear the same underwear to bed as his DM

Shimy · 26/12/2018 13:20

I’m also wondering, how do you kiss someones forehead all afternoon, does mil have a very large forehead OP?

Willow2017 · 26/12/2018 13:20

When his DF passed away he drove along in the car holding hands with her, which I overlooked at the time.

Well that was truley magnanimous of you op!

You were annoyed he held his mums hand after her husband had just died? Christ how cold are you?

My sons have been told often that they will never be too old to kiss and cuddle thier parents. Why on earth would they be?

Badcat that is such a lovely thing to do. You have an amazing relationship with your family.

Bellendejour · 26/12/2018 13:21

I’m v tactile and cuddly with my mum but when DP is here (at my parents) I’d Be more likely to sit with him, hold his hand so he feels comfortable. Same when we’re at his. I think if he sat cuddling his mum and kissing her head all afternoon while she subtly negged me I’d be a bit not in a creepy incesty way but more because it throws out unwelcome/territorial vibes. This does sound kind of over the top/unusual by most people’s standards (I also thought of Sam Faires MIL!)

What were the negative comments OP? Do you normally get on with MIL? Could this be a temporary thing linked to Dads death or have they always been like that? Think the grieving/handholding thing is sweet really. Are your parents more on the less affection/PDA side?

Mia1415 · 26/12/2018 13:30

My DS is only 6 and I hope he’ll still give me a cuddle when he is an adult.

I wish every day that my dear Dad was still here and I could give him a hug and kiss.

This is your issie I’m afraid

Busybusybust · 26/12/2018 13:32

Both my boys cuddle me. I don’t think it’s odd at all.

NameChangeToAvoidBeingFound · 26/12/2018 13:46

Nothing wrong with him holding his mums hand, especially after his father died or sitting on the sofa hugging or kissing her. My sisters and nieces and nephews have all done it and it’s normal for us to sit on the sofa hugging or snuggling with one and other. We love each other and we’re not afraid to share that.

lau888 · 26/12/2018 13:51

In general, the way one expresses an affectionate familial relationship at 4-years-old is still acceptable at 40-years-old. People who had a tactile parent-child relationship will always have one and should not feel obliged to keep 5 feet between themselves. (The same goes for the inverse, of course.) x

thebadplace · 26/12/2018 16:05

Waiting for the op to come back with some embellished version with sordid details handily missed out earlier but for me the funeral hand holding horror says more about what she considers appropriate poor husband !

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 26/12/2018 17:41

Nothing wrong with the funeral hand hold for support but any other time it would be odd to hold hands with a parent as an adult. And I'm sorry but snuggling your mum and kissing on the couch is creepy and weird. I would be turned off too by the overgrown man-child.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 26/12/2018 17:45

When his DF passed away he drove along in the car holding hands with her, which I overlooked at the time.

Overlooked? It’s none of your fucking business! When my mum died I spent most of the next few days hugging my bereft and devastated dad, I still hug him regularly. Not like you describe, but that’s us.

Sexualising contact between a mother and son is sick, really sick.

pinkhorse · 26/12/2018 17:48

My family are not tactile at all and this would put me off somebody too. I can understand what op is saying. I don't know anyone in real life that would act like this with their parents.

Bluelady · 26/12/2018 18:10

He's quite the reverse of a man child. He's a man who has the kindness and empathy to understand how comforting touch is and that his mum misses being cuddled and needs that comfort. There are a lot of people who appear lucky enough for this to be an alien concept.

Postino · 26/12/2018 18:39

This is bonkers, how can any one of us possibly have an opinion without more context? Could've been really weird, could've been totally normal, we weren't there to see it!

Maybe AIBU isn't my natural, um, idiom?

longwayoff · 26/12/2018 19:20

Are you ok OP? Its his Mum not some tart from down the pub.

Beautyandthe · 26/12/2018 19:20

Yeah I would feel the same as you, OP! Bit weird.

Magentaorwagenta · 26/12/2018 19:29

I often sit with my mum and have a cuddle on the sofa. I don't think it's at all weird. I have a son who I cuddle all the time and a daughter.

What I did have was an emotionally abusive ex who never touched me and when I saw how affectionate he was with his mum and sister I was extremely envious.

Lizzie48 · 26/12/2018 19:31

I agree. My DH spent a lot of time comforting his mum after his dad died in a car crash. I had a hard time with it because of my own issues; there was nothing wrong with it.

The only thing is, my DH didn't grieve as he needed to as he felt he had to be strong for his mum. He's since lost both his paternal GPs and the same thing happened. He's hardly cried himself at all, that's the part that isn't healthy. That would be my question here, not whether they're being too tactile, which isn't anyone else's business.

Moussemoose · 26/12/2018 20:03

@Chocolatecoffeeaddict yes you leave those men who love their mums to others. "Over grown man child" a man who loves his mum. How pathetic can a man be to show affection to the women who bore him, held him, looked after him and nurtured him.

Yeah who wants a man who can show affection and support you through loss and grief.

Yeah I want a man who sucks it all in and only shows affection in a sexual way.

I'll see you in a few years when you are back complaining about your shirt relationship with a man with no emotions.

A man who likes loves his mum would turn you off?

Sometimes when I'm drunk I think some women deserve the shit they get.

missmouse101 · 26/12/2018 20:06

Sounds absolutely gross to me.

Moussemoose · 26/12/2018 20:08

Yeah a mother and so showing affection is "gross".

Ffs listen to yourself.

missmouse101 · 26/12/2018 20:13

Was that directed at me? A mother and son showing affection is not gross but what the op described is inappropriate and yes, gross.

Moussemoose · 26/12/2018 20:40

Sitting on a settee hugging and the son kisses the mothers head - this is gross?

Yes it it is directed at you @missmouse101 you are putting your grubby, unpleasant associations on something that is lovely. A son who holds his mothers hand when she Is bereft, a son who will show his widowed mother affection and you think it is gross?

I would say I hope you have sons and they reject you but that would be cruel to the potential children who don't deserve a mother with such a grubby mind.

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