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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel bad about presents I gave dd1?

335 replies

Marg0tt · 25/12/2018 19:48

Yawn- another Christmas thread I know. But I’m just thinking about whether I’m wrong to feel guilty about the presents I gave my 16 year old dd. She got some nice shampoo, a weekly wall planner whiteboard thing, some highlight drops (make up) and two items of clothing (a jumper and dress) which although she acted thankful for, I can tell she wasn’t keen on. She’s been very grateful and I cannot fault her but I feel like the gifts were a let down- especially as her younger sister got more

OP posts:
Banana8080 · 26/12/2018 18:49

A bit confused by what you’ve posted, you say they had the same £ wise, then say the younger is easier to buy for and you may have got carried away. Which is it? Either it’s equal or it’s not,

If younger got more (£ value) then top up the elder and don’t get carried away next year.

HauntedPencil · 26/12/2018 18:50

It dosent sound that bad!!

Did she like the clothes?

If you are that concerned I'd maybe offer to treat her to something in the sales & have lunch.

Little kids presents do look more and are cheaper.

Original poster
Marg0tt · 26/12/2018 18:50

punto no need to be so aggressive. I simply said that what your daughter does and doesn’t like doesn’t apply to everyone her age.

OP posts:
HauntedPencil · 26/12/2018 18:54

Sorry just seen your update. Isn't Mumsnet a strange place, most threads showing off about how little they spend and rejecting consumerism and here you are getting a shoeing over not getting enough stuff.

UserMe18 · 26/12/2018 18:55

I think it's a bit off that you bought more for your DD2 because she's easier to buy for, distraction at work doesn't really fly (and shows it wasn't simply about value) Christmas comes the same time every year I'm sure there would have plenty of options if you hadn't just tried to wing it, if I was your DD1 I would be wondering why we weren't treated equally. I would make it up to her, doesn't have to be materially but perhaps take her off somewhere to spend some 1:1 time with her?

Redskyandrainbows67 · 26/12/2018 19:00

It’s not that you didn’t get her enough stuff - it’s that you didn’t get her anything nice /that she wanted. One dress - that she really wanted would have been enough imo

ErrolTheDragon · 26/12/2018 19:17

It's clear from the OPs later posts she didn't 'get it so incredibly wrong'.

Punto1 · 26/12/2018 19:19

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Original poster
Marg0tt · 26/12/2018 20:06

punto what’s your problem? What makes a ‘genuine poster’?
I didn’t want everyone to tell me they were wonderful presents. And in fact people didn’t tell me that and i spoke to my daughter and got her better ones. But she enjoyed the day regardless, even she recognises there’s more to the day than material things

OP posts:
Original poster
Marg0tt · 26/12/2018 20:10

What should I have done? Plyed her with goods and money like you and your family did? I’m sure your daughter enjoyed it and liked what she received but as I’ve already said not everyone is like your daughter and receiving all of that would have made her upset and guilty. I definitely didn’t get her the right things, and I worked to somewhat fix that but the way you do things wouldn’t have been right for her either.

OP posts:
SinisterBumFacedCat · 26/12/2018 20:16

The thing is, it is harder to find stuff for older children than younger ones. There was a difference between the amount of stuff we got for 17 yo and 8 yo but Xmas is very kid centred. 17 yo got about the same amount when he was 8, probably more because he was an only child back then and we had more spare cash.

Momo18 · 26/12/2018 20:35

If I'm honest I would be disappointed with that. But you know yourself she is, just give her money and ask if she fancys dinner and a shopping trip

Banana8080 · 26/12/2018 20:58

What should you have done?

Treated them equally.

Punto1 · 26/12/2018 21:04

Oh well everything is fine now. Because you say so on the internet.

Whatevs!

Punto1 · 26/12/2018 21:07

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myrtleWilson · 26/12/2018 21:11

Blimey "ungrateful wench" is a tad over invested for an online forum....

OP - am glad you have sorted it with your DD - tbh the shampoo and wall planner wouldn't be my choice for my DD (same age) but my DD has asked for 'mundane' gifts before. And my DD loves a jumper - she wears hoodies too but has plenty of jumpers including some new ones from Urban Outfitters this year so am with you on that!

Original poster
Marg0tt · 26/12/2018 21:15

punto1 why do you feel so strongly about this. I read it as suggestions at first but when you carried on, with no more useful advice, the list seems more to be you demonstrating how much better you are. My daughter is also a good kid and she knows this, I don’t see the need to tell her this through material things. Presents are treating her and I enjoy doing this because I love her, they’re not validation for her. I’ve sorted it now so you can relax and find another thread to spread your unnecessary aggression on

OP posts:
Punto1 · 26/12/2018 21:21

This is the third time you've mentioned 'aggression'. I'm sure your long suffering husband is cowed into never opening his fucking mouth to you lest you call him aggressive.

'Presents are treating her'. PMSL. Shampoo? QEfuckingD

Passmethecrisps · 26/12/2018 21:22

Did you all have a nice day today? I do have recollections of being a bit underwhelmed with gifts when I was a teen and then developing a weird affection for them when I had time to let it all sink in. I actually think my own dd is the same. Expectation meets reality which takes a while.

I hope you have a good break. It sounds like you need it

Passmethecrisps · 26/12/2018 21:22

That sounded PA. I meant it properly!

Punto1 · 26/12/2018 21:25

And to answer the question, I feel strongly about this because I know your poor daughter is going to be ashamed of her life if she admits what she got for Christmas. You really have no clue have you?

Original poster
Marg0tt · 26/12/2018 21:28

punto no my daughter won’t be ashamed because she was brought up better than that. And no she’s not a loner who spends her time in her room and playing chess with the family she’s very popular despite her lack of flashy gifts. I’m sure your daughter is happy and has tonnes of friends all because of her excellent mother’s fantastic present buying

OP posts:
Original poster
Marg0tt · 26/12/2018 21:29

passmethecrisps thank you! We did have a nice day, had to go to work for a bit but watched films when I got back and had a good laugh on depop at all the wacky clothes

OP posts:
Passmethecrisps · 26/12/2018 21:30

punto really!!

I am sorry - I know you guys are having a conversation and I am butting in but that is terrible.

Ozil10 · 26/12/2018 21:31

Punto you are coming across as aggressive and way off the mark. The OP has been and bought things her daughter wants today and now she feels better. I'm like you, I love my branded clothes and trainers but I'm old enough to understand that not everyone does, it's a bit harsh to say she's going to be ashamed of her life when you have absolutely no idea of how she feels.

I love Depop! They have some great throwback stuff on there. I don't think this is half as bad as made out, yes the initial presents were underwhelming but it can be fixed, not like the other thread I read yesterday with an OP going mad at her daughter because she dared to tell her Grandmother that she feels like her parents don't spend enough time with her. That's a million times worse than a few naff gifts