To feel bad about presents I gave dd1?

[Marg0tt]

Yawn- another Christmas thread I know. But I’m just thinking about whether I’m wrong to feel guilty about the presents I gave my 16 year old dd. She got some nice shampoo, a weekly wall planner whiteboard thing, some highlight drops (make up) and two items of clothing (a jumper and dress) which although she acted thankful for, I can tell she wasn’t keen on. She’s been very grateful and I cannot fault her but I feel like the gifts were a let down- especially as her younger sister got more

Take her sale shopping tomorrow. Return the clothes and let her pick something and add some money then have nice girlie lunch and perhaps movie in the afternoon

Perfect idea

My mum still randomly buys me knickers sometimes 😂 I've no idea why. Haven't lived at home for 20 years.

You know what's funny is my husband always says he has no clue what to buy me, and I think I'm incredibly easy to buy for. I'm a girly girl so it could be jewellery, perfume, scented candles, Sephora gift card, books, clothing voucher, Lush products. Someone gave me one of those pre made up Christmas Lush boxes this year and I was thrilled.

My dd10 would of loved those item's with a couple more bits thrown in.
Her list was 3 books, some make up, pjs, bathbombs/nice soap and a harry potter dressing gown! Oh and a bra!
She got what she asked for and was over the moon, but to me her pile looked crap compared to her sisters (7) who asked for games and sports equiptment. They had the same amount of money spent on them, but i bought more luxury make up/soaps etc. I spent £30 on 3 books for her, but next to the pile of 5 board games i got in a sale for £30 it looked shit in comparison because of the size difference between the presents themselves, but she didn't care because she got what she wanted!
Your daughter sounds like a lovely well rounded young lady . If you feel bad then thats on you, take her to the sales or let her order something on line!

I don't think the number of presents matters as much as the amount of money. We gave a lot more presents to one child than the other because the other wanted a couple of expensive things. So same budget but very different number of presents.

Next time just give her the money or put it on a gift card to spend as she wishes. Or one good quality item that you know she wants rather than bits and pieces she won't use.

I don't see the point of giving basic things like shampoo, clothes and a wall planner/whiteboard as presents, it's like wrapping up essentials for the sake of 'something to unwrap'.

Most teenagers prefer to pick their own clothes. Can you return/exchange them?

Not meaning to make you feel bad but it doesn't sound alot 😞and if he sister appears to have more that's not good

OP your gifts sound really bad tbh. Fair play to her for taking it so well... definitely give her some money/gift card to make it up to her

OP, don't take this badly, but have you aspergers or something? I mean this as a very genuine question.

@Punto1 what are you implying

I'll say with the shampoo it depends on what it was. DD would have been really happy with tigi bedhead as there's no way we'd normally buy that

I would give dd a limit and send her online shopping to bulk up her stuff. That way she can pick whatever she likes.

WeMarchOn, I'm not implying anything. I'm asking a question.

punto why are you so adamant and rude about teens never, ever wearing jumpers based on your experience of...one teen? Just had a quick search and New Look had 407 (womens) jumpers for sale, ASOS 605, and Shein 2984 , which suggests that at least a few teens/mid twenties women are wearing them.

same with namechange who moaned at the 'traditionally girly' examples - firstly there is nothing wrong with liking 'girly' things, secondly the reason there are so many of those things in the shops and that they are trotted out so often as example presents is because, generally most teenage girls do like at least some of them, thirdly, most of the posters, including the one you quoted directly also included items like books, cinema and starbucks vouchers, which are completely gender neutral, and, finally, owning or wanting hair straighteners, nail varnish, candles etc. in no way precludes also enjoying death metal, fantasy fiction, reading, sports or anything else. Stop being so stereotypical and dismissive.

punto no I don’t. I have a teenage dd who if ever asks what she wants will say she doesn’t want/need anything and doesn’t have any specific hobbies like horse riding or similar but spends her free time lounging about, studying or going out with friends.

Anyway, she really likes vintage clothing (vintage as in 90s sportswear and Y2K clothes 😂) and so she showed me her liked items on depop after I insisted I got her something else and she’s got some velour tracksuit bottoms that she is very excited for coming. Jumper will be returned and cash given instead and she says she does like the dress. Presents didn’t go down as badly as I thought unless she is an expert at being gracious as she’s put her whiteboard thing up and filled it in with the school stuff she needs to get done on each day and keeps sniffing her hair after washing it. No harm done in the end.

@Punto1 I have Aspergers and I just wondered what you were implying?

Also punto seems a bit silly to judge a whole age category on your teenager. My teen wouldn’t be caught dead in a hoodie like the ones I think you’re describing (the ones from jd with a brand such as ellesse all over it) as she finds those tacky. Although somehow she’ll happily wear bedazzled track tops and bottoms apparently

It depends really on what type of person she is. My elder DD hates tat and is very specific on things she likes. Younger DD is married with a baby and toddler so little to spend on herself. I gave them both money, a book, dvd and cath kidstone bag and jumper for youngest she chose herself and books, lush stuff and slipper socks for eldest DD.

Making it good now won't be easy but offering to change clothes and give your 16 year old DD cash might be an idea. In the future maybe ask her earlier or make a note during the year. Is she in to gadgets? Phone, kindle or tablet depending on budget would always go down well with either of ours. Books,dvds, vouchers for cinema or experiences go down well too

she really likes vintage clothing (vintage as in 90s sportswear and Y2K clothes

Oh... so that's what it's called when DD reclaims stuff of mine from the charity pile when I have a clearout!

Anyway, sounds like between what she did like and what you've changed/added you've got it sorted now OP.

I find this post a bit sad actually. I’d give anything to have a daughter and one who’s lovely! You are an incredibly lucky lady. If I had a daughter I’d be shopping throughout the year and storing bits up. Get amazon prime. You could be getting bits during your lunch break or at weekends. Every time I saw a little something I think she’d like I’d get it (key ring, stationery, slippers etc) and store it away for Xmas. You really are very lucky and should make more of being able to do things like that.

@Doobee I am sorry that you haven’t got a daughter when you obviously very much want one, but I don’t think your post was very sensitive to the OP. To basically suggest that she should be constantly shopping/buying things for her daughter and implying that she should be grateful she even has a daughter seems a bit like kicking her when she’s down as opposed to offering advice?

Marg0tt seems like you sorted this out in a great way, everyone happy and daughter looking forward to a couple of really personal items you chose together- all good really!

It shows you are a lovely mum that you were so busy, then noticed you hadn't got it quite right and were prepared to do things differently.

I am buying one of mine's main present later when she's decided what she wants, this is quite normal for us, big presents are usually discussed these days.

Alsopuntoseems a bit silly to judge a whole age category on your teenager. My teen wouldn’t be caught dead in a hoodie like the ones I think you’re describing (the ones from jd with a brand such as ellesse all over it) as she finds those tacky

My DD wears hoodies and jumpers. Ones she's chosen, obviously. She wouldn't be seen dead in something I've bought! 😱

Teens are individuals. They have deeloped their own likes and dislikes. By the age of 16 they already have phones, pc's, hair straighteners, hair curling wands, TV, hairdryer blah blah. 16+ is the most difficult age to buy for in my experience. From this age I buy something to open on Christmas day and give them cash to buy what they like. It's easier all round

If I had a daughter I’d be shopping throughout the year and storing bits up. Get amazon prime. You could be getting bits during your lunch break or at weekends

You obviously don't have a teenage daughter! The things they like throughout the year they would have bought, themselves, before Christmas. Most teenagers go shopping throughout the year, you know. Shopping with friends is their favoirite pastime. They are not 8 year olds who depend on people to buy them stuff for Christmas 🙄

Sounds a bit shit and meagre tbh.

Well madam, since you appear to know your daughter so fucking well, why on earth are you on here telling us that you got it so incredibly wrong?

I know my daughter. She is over the moon with what she got.