anyone else having a really rather bollocks xmas?!

[artisantastemaker321]

god knows I am.

'd'H and inlaw related...has ruined the whole day. trying to hold it together for our lovely kids but so sick and tired of it all. don't want to bore you with details...but am so tired of looking after everyone and no-one really looking after me.

first world problems blah blah i know, but to all of those struggling with 'perfect' christmases and families - you ain't alone. just want a handhold in return i guess!

Yes I'm in tears in our bedroom. H has been drinking (he drinks every day) making his sly digs at me like always all day about my time on social media, my family, my back pain. He came up to me in front of my DM & said what you been saying about me? (We hadn't said anything) and my DM says nothing why are you asking that? Tbh she did go a bit ott but I imagine she's fed up of watching him be like that with me. He then went mad, they left & he called amongst other vile things a nosey cunt. They'd left at this point.

He now keeps coming into our bedroom getting in my face and twisting my words.

I literally can't keep doing this.

To everyone!

We've all been ill for weeks, thought it would be easily gone for Christmas,
but no, has now become chest infection! No tree, decorations, haven't even finished wrapping
presents yet! But since extended family are also ill won't be seeing them until next week anyway.

Can't taste or smell and have terrible sore throat, but have still put weight on by eating what I can!!!

Wanted to go to bed at 5pm but dc was hyper. Even though tired won't sleep well as I am getting night sweats too!

Why did I think that this Christmas would be any better, it's always crap because of something, usually dh high expectations of everything!

Not as shit as you guys. We were on our own, me DP and 2 DDs. Realised I haven't taken any photos of them opening presents 🙄. DP has to go to bed at 8pm as he's at work early tomorrow so I'm on my own.

Pretamum - you really weren’t hungry after breakfast and a full Christmas dinner. You could have made turkey sandwiches if you were really hungry. First world problem definitely

I left my abusive ex over six years ago when we fled domestic abuse and moved to another county. He’s continued to abuse me ever since, through courts, the children, emotionally or financially. I’ve gained so much weight and lost confidence. He’s had many flings with various women and acted like he did nothing wrong. I’ve had to claw myself from hell.

My eldest child moved out earlier this year to live with a relative (he’s 14) and his behaviour became aggressive and violent towards me. I begged everyone for help but it wasn’t a police or CAMHS issue (so they say), although he desperately needs counselling. Anyway, This was the first Christmas without him. We’ve had phone contact all day, which I’m grateful for, but oh how I wish I could go back to when he was little and today would have been about Fireman Sam. So many memories flashing back all day.

So, today was just me and my youngest child. I didn’t receive any gifts or cards for myself nor my children from my siblings, despite me buying for all their (6) children.

I made the day as special as I could, long walk, church, food, but it was lonely. The final straw was scrolling through Facebook and seeing a picture of my abusive ex - who nearly destroyed me - having Christmas lunch with my sister and her family.

I got in the bath and cried. Dysfunctional family.

Dropped my kids off at PILs where STBXH and his girlfriend were waiting for them and they all had the Christmas that two years ago I would have been having.

I don’t miss my husband but I do miss my lovely parents-in-law and the marvellous time they always laid on for us at Christmas.

H who I know has definite narcissistic traits was an absolute arsehole today and ruined yet another Christmas Day for adult dd and me. Fortunately she went to her partner’s place for the evening, so hoping she at least has a good time there. I’ve been in bed since 8pm. Longing for h to return to work tomorrow and for me and dd to get some peace.

After Xmas is the most popular time for divorce solicitors and marriage guidance.

@Teenageromance I know it's a ridiculous first world problem and compared to the actual real problems on here it's nothing, especially when a lot of people have nothing to eat. I didn't say it was anything but a first world problem. But I am hungry now, and seeing as they froze the turkey as soon as possible after dinner, that wasn't really feasible to help ourselves to leftovers.I don't think there's anything wrong in feeling disappointed about a pudding free dinner and an abandonment of all of the usual family Christmas food traditions. I wouldn't say anything to them to let them know I felt this, so there's no harm done in moaning about it on mumsnet!

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Sorry to all those having a hard time. DP & I had a row this morning because I didnt want to go to our extended family friends house where we were having lunch as early as he did. I took him in the car then walked up a bit later with our DS (8). DP already merry when we got there, kept drinking all through the afternoon & was being inappropriate/embarassing (To be fair, most there were drinkers so they laugh it off but I'm not a big drinker). DS & I got a lift home about 7pm. No sign yet of DP who wouldn't come back with us. Christmas has just highlighted again to me how different our attitudes to alcohol are & I just don't know if I can keep pushing on. Dreading tomorrow when we have family & friends visiting as I am worried it will be another 'drinkathon'. Sadly, will be pleased when it's all over, although our DS has had a good day.

Yep
Went to visit my seriously il, bed bound l mother who barely knows us since a horrendous stroke took her away from us a few weeks ago. Dd very very upset and I just felt miserable all day. Added to which dd1 and my grandchildren were only here for an hour this morning as if they don't spend evry single Xmas with her in-laws, there is trouble. I would have loved a day with them all to cheer me up, but, her MIL couldn't even give us that this horrific year. Not a great day !

Sorry for all of you who haven't had the best day. I hosted Christmas for 18 years, I laws, grown up SC, parents etc. Nobody ever really thanked me and I used to feel so exhausted and like the whole day was a farce. We have our own children who are now 9 and 13.
Two years ago I decided enough was enough. So today (like last year) we visited my mum for an hour this morning - went round in pj's so no messing about getting ready. SC then landed and stayed for an hour - they ate grown up now and had their own plans - great to see them this morning tho.
By 1pm it was just the 4 of us. We have played games and chilled out. It's been great. I've had a bath and put new pj's on.
Husband and ds had steak for their tea and my daughter and I had a cheeseboard.
I'll do Xmas Dinner tomorrow for the 4 of us.
It's transformed my Christmases.
No more forced merriment or me wearing myself into the ground cooking for the entire day and not spending the day with the 3 people I love most in the world.
Please try it if you are struggling with hosting and difficult family members.
I'm not a selfish person, we hosted as I guess everyone thought we have the biggest house and I enjoyed it....
Well I didn't really.
Today however has been fantastic.
I shall never cook a big Christmas dinner on Christmas day again.
Certainly not whilst I have children at home.
18 years I hosted. I think I've done my bit. Wish I'd said bollocks to them all sooner.
Love them all but when it was never reciprocated enough was enough.

Dear all,
I have had many many horrid Christmas days - through childhood trauma, teenage trauma and grief in the past few years coupled with blow out rows with DH.
This year and last I decided to change. There is no perfect Christmas, there is just us and who we share it with. I now only share it with those I truest love being with (after the worst ever event two years ago).
I also do not stress over cooking and I plan the jobs for everyone but even so ended up with severe heart palpitations today.
As to those who argue over money, we did too until I sat down, twice, in a neutral place, at a neutral time (during the day) and went through all my feelings re money and DH went through his and we resolved it. There was another row last weekend when I threatened to leave and since then we have cleared the air.
So my thoughts are, try to remember you are the only one who can change your life and if you cannot make immediate changes you can change how you react and you feel.
As mums we need to do this to ensure our own health and the health of our DC, and hopefully our DPs

And I hope you all get to find some joy in the coming days to make up for the sorrow of today.

I was looking forward to Christmas Day with my daughter but she had a phone call from an ex of hers on Sunday evening and travelled there yesterday. Not all gloom and doom though, I unpacked the pressies from me to me and relaxed and had a lazy day. Tucked up now with a new mystery book.

Mini Elbows 2 got a text from his best friend to say they'd been taken in to care last night. Mr Elbows has just returned from taking Mini Elbows to visit and was so upset.

That's really sad, but how lovely of your DS to go and visit, and your DH to make the time to take him.

Mum is aggravated with dd constant chatter, keeps muttering “ I can’t wait ‘til you all get packed up and go home”

Honestly I would leave immediately if someone said this. Why would you stay when someone makes it so clear you're unwelcome?

Yep completely and utterly pants. Can't wait for work to start and kids to go back to school. Sorry everyone else has had such a bad day.

@PeachQueen

I felt so worried about you reading your post - can you not just leave tonight and go to your mum's (or anyone's?). He sounds awful you need to get out!

Lovely day here in comparison with so many posters, but I have a streaming cold which has lasted almost a fortnight, and just feel so bloody poorly. I can barely talk, and haven’t been able to taste or smell anything for ages. So stupid to complain about in the big picture, but bleurgh.

Rubbish day.

Arsehole (d)H spent all morning with a sour face because I forgot to buy him a card. He spent the good part of two hours loudly calling me selfish and ungrateful in front of DD as I tried to ignore him and stay overly cheerful for her sake as she unwrapped her presents. Then went and cried in the bathroom for half an hour and was subsequently late for lunch at DM's.

Never mind that I organised and paid for the entirety of DD's presents, my family's presents, my IL's present, decorations, and all of the food for entertaining HIS family on my VERY minimal part time wage with absolutely no input, effort or money from him (even though he earns four times what I do). Helped DD make him a card. Stayed up until 2am wrapping everything, assembling toys and cleaning the entire house ready for relatives arrival tomorrow. Spent ages choosing him presents from DD that I couldn't really afford, one of which he rubbished for not being 'exciting' enough and one that he ripped the tags off before realising that it didn't even fit. Total waste of money and effort on my part.

His grand effort for Christmas was asking me what I wanted three days beforehand, complaining that it was too expensive, ordering it online and then telling me off for the rest of the day for not being thankful enough for his efforts.

Oh, and I'm 33 weeks pregnant so can't even have a drink to make myself feel better about having to host my awful in laws tomorrow.

Sad to read that so many others have had shit days too.

@WoodlandOaks sorry to hear this. I empathise totally. Demanding job here too and feel I have nothing to give of my emotional energy to me LOs come Christmas time. Arguments and stress. Have gained two stone . Sorry to hear you feel trapped in your relationship. You must have options - probably more than you think.

to everyone here. I've had a lovely time with DD so all good, but feeling guilty because I found my DM a bit draining this year. First, she got quite stroppy and jealous because DD was over-excited and was having a bit of a "mummy" day, i.e. wanting me and not DM to help her get dressed. Later DM insisted on taking DD outside by herself because apparently DD has an "only wanting mummy " fetish"" which has to be broken. As far as I'm concerned, DD is not allowed to be rude to her GPs but I don't see it as weird that she sometimes just wants mummy at her age (she's not 3 yet), particularly when she's happy that I'm off work this week. Also, DM made DD go outside and practise pedalling in her little car, and kept complaining in front of her that she's "lazy". Again, DD has a new little bike from another GP so it'll be great if she gets good at pedalling it, but I see this as a skill she can work on over the coming days to weeks, not a cause for Christmas day bootcamp. There's other stuff, e.g. I'm worried that DM might be pushing DD when I'm not there with reading and number skills (she says she doesn't need to push DD because DD is just exceptionally bright and really wants to learn, but this is setting off alarm bells for me because (i) DD hasn't shown any particular interest in these things with me apart from adoring Numberblocks; and (ii) DM was very pushy when I was a child whilst always insisting that I didn't need to be pushed because I was so desperate to learn (I have some traumatic memories that say otherwise)).

So, I had a lovely day and feel bad about complaining when other people had so much worse. I'm just struggling with an increasing feeling that my DM can be a bit... nuts.

We lost my dad on Boxing Day a few years ago, which just killed Christmas for our family. But now we have DS (2yo) I have tried so hard to get Christmas back. It’s been sabotaged at every turn. Trip to see the lights: epic tantrums. Trip to see Father Christmas: epic tantrums. Huge family Christmas get together pn 23rd: epic tantrums, terrible food and service at the restaurant including serving DS raw chicken, and then trying to overcharge our bill. Then DS caught a bad cold and has had us up all night for the past 3 nights, and it all culminated with a Christmas Day of DS being too coldy to want to open presents, sleeping through lunch, then knocking over the tree. My dad would have found it all hilarious. I miss him so much it physically hurts. I’m just not going to even try next year.