AIBU to think it's not appropriate to take a toddler to a graveyard?

[MotherChristmas1973]

That's it really.

I think more context is needed before saying yes or no.

Why not?

Some people have a really odd, unhealthy attitude to death. It’s not something we should hide away from but openly talk about and encourage others to do so

Why would it be inappropriate?

Yes YABU. It might not be appropriate for your toddler but it all depends on how its explained and the toddler in question.

Erm it's not like there are zombies wandering around it, YABU.

Yes yabu.

Graveyards are to think of loved ones. Its not a seance. This is a good practice to get into - people don’t visit gravesides enough anymore.

To pay respects to the dearly departed, no, not inappropriate. To play footie or make mud pies, yes very inappropriate.

I just think that Christmas is for kids & by all means adults can grieve in the way they wish but why involve babies who are not of an age to make the decision on their own? Each to their own I guess but I don't like it.

I would take DD to visit my mums grave and all my aunties and uncles she would have a pretend tea party on the grass while I sorted flowers... The vicar came round once he told her it's good that the people in heaven can hear her giggerling.
Obviously if a funeral or internment of ashes was happening we wouldn't be having a tea party.
Everyone dies it's not a secret.

Maybe Christmas Day isn't the best time to take a toddler to a graveyard for the very first time and to have those kinds of discussions about death, but every other time I can't see a problem.

Maybe if you wanted to take toddler to acknowledge and pay respects to someone who has passed at Christmas maybe this should have been done before today to get their understanding sorted.

Don’t like it, don’t do it.

Don’t judge those that do. It’s an entirely personal decision and isn’t one that needs to be met by judgement.

My friends mum died when her DD was 2 days old. They’ve been going at least 6 times a year, and on Christmas of course, since then and she’s now 5. She bounces over to the grave with some flowers to go and talk to Nanny.

What the big deal? Death is a part of life and if that’s the only way a child can have this family member in their life then that’s how it is

My friend takes her toddlers to their Daddy’s grave every year, and her older DD too. Why not? Grief isn’t the same for all of us. We all grieve in different ways.

Yabu.

I don't see the issue at all.

I don't take mine. But that's because I have an issue with visiting my nan's grave myself. No issue with my mum taking my kids at all.

Growing up, we always went to the the graveyard on Christmas day. It was a time to think of our departed grandparents. I wasn't spooked.

Well you'd think I was terrible as I take my kids to graveyards on occasion just for a walk. There's a cool one about 100 yards away from the 1700s.

The kids always enjoy it as there's plenty to look at and it's a really handy way of bringing up the subject of dead people and normalising it. We say bye bye to all the nice dead people when we leave.

The one in my hometown is AWESOME cosits huge and the Travellers have these amazing marble graves that are brilliant to see. They're super fancy.

I met someone with a 3 year old recently who has just moved across from my hometown one and everyone was saying how lucky her kid was to have such a lovely big space to explore.

All of my dc have visited their older sister's grave since birth. She's part of the family and it's part of their lives that we go there. It's never crossed my mind that some would think it odd and to be honest I don't actually care what anyone else thinks. it works for us.

Whaaat?? Xmas is 'for kids' and you don't want death putting an appearance i in any way at all..... ffs grow up!!!

What do you actual think will happen to the child? They’ll turn into a necro when older or something?

I grew up near the local graveyard. Mum always went there each week to tidy up the family graves, put new flowers on them etc., and I went with her every time from when I was a baby . Nothing wrong with it at all - it's just a big garden with gravestones in it.

"but why involve babies who are not of an age to make the decision on their own"

Bit of a ridiculous argument there OP. You could say this about 99% of parenting. Babies / toddlers rarely make their own decisions about anything. Are you proposing that toddlers don't do anything until they're capable of making their own decisions, or just this one thing?

What do you actual think will happen to the child? They’ll turn into a necro when older or something?

Presumably you thought that was funny when you typed it? Jeez.

OP - it's not an issue.

YABVVVVVVVU
For a start nobody would bring toddlers to our church as it borders a graveyard.
They are mainly historic graves but some are tended. My DCs love to run around and to hear some of the stories.
My DS went to my MIL's funeral and to the crematorium aged 5 months. I wouldn't have stayed home just because he was a toddler.

Yabu. It is s personal decision. My youngest never met my parents and I think if is essential to keep their memory alive.

I think it's nice; normalises death and makes it nothing to shy away from, growing up.